Hey Mat
I have come back and fore to this a few times now, and I expect I will continue to do so
There is much in just these few words altogether, and they inspire me to think on much too
So if I may be bold enough to share just a few thoughts?
Believing without defining:
Is this freedom?
Personally and broadly speaking - 'yes' is the answer here, although for me, perhaps the word 'believing' runs the risk of being misinterpreted (rings of blind faith) - I would probably say -feeling understanding without needing full and thorough definition- (not as poetic maybe haha)
I think that sometimes, craving the 'full facts' and absolute details is a red herring, a flaw in being human perhaps - to want to have everything sewn up and everything and it's consequences accounted for, it's not the point, infact, if one becomes so obsessed with turning some things so completely inside out, the very opposite of understanding can sometimes occur. For example - big questions like 'Why are we here?' - I don't believe in any such question. When you get hung up on 'Why you are here' that question becomes a set of blinding head lights, and you are a rabbit who has become stuck, transfixed by something that is actually freezing you to the spot and in the end is simply going to run you over.
...It is very difficult at times, you can get to feel lost if you feel no justification or reason or even some minimum level of something coming back to you - like love in return, on whichever kind of level that may be. It's not much to ask, it's not wrong to want to be on the receiving end of love without reason at times. I don't see how it can be wrong to need some kind of confirmation at times. Sometimes it's the case that it just isn't there when you feel that you need it, and then you have only yourself to fall back on. But I wonder, with this in mind - it does seem sometimes that people fail to recognise what is right under their noses. I have done it before myself, I have failed to recognise something at the time, and it has happened the other way round too - I have failed to be recognised. I had a close friend who committed suicide a number of years ago - it is a known fact that I am the type of person who will take a phone call at 3am, and I will get into my car and I will drive a few hundred miles or whatever the distance. But the key is that sometimes feeling lost is the barrier, even if you feel as though you have a real depth of understanding, something missing at just the wrong moment can result in a feeling of great insecurity.
Sometimes there is a gift of love, sometimes there are answers, sometimes there can be a sense of justification, a sense of reason - just depends on whether you are open to recognise it. And I do feel that we get these things largely from each other and the world around us, both near and far. On the other hand, at times no - it feels as though there really is nothing, sometimes there is a hollowness, but like all things, fulfilment too must have it's partner. (I'm not speaking in especially theological terms, because really, beyond that - it's all the same thing to me anyhow, macro/micro etc)
I think that being open to receive is far more fundamentally important than wanting to ask a question at times. It is almost more
willing as well. What I mean is - so many prejudices and subconscious conditions are put into the contexts of questions, so asking a specific question can be a barrier in itself, before you have discovered anything - you have already put the greater subject of it into a box!
Perhaps people feel they will learn and understand less by adopting this approach? That they don't have enough time to try to be just as plainly and universally receptive as they can - I don't know. Maybe I am wrong? I don't mind if I am - I have no need to be right, I feel like I deeply understand certain things, but anything I may fundamentally feel does not involve an intrinsic personal fear of being 'wrong'.
Perhaps then, being ''alive' is to be adventurously unsafe'. Death as a part of life, should be embraced and understood as something that will one day come, and, hopefully, accepted when the time comes - the primary concern right now should be encircling and living life.
The safest bet, the surest bet of the here and now atleast, is the winning bet that is also
actually happening right now (perhaps individually we just weren't aware of our own particular bet being placed at the time
)
- Life is happening right now... whatever age each of us is - now it is the time to live.
A
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