leonardcohenforum.com

I walk into a bloody ground
a poem in my hand
I say to you from heart to heart
lets try to understand

Love's the real eternal truth
Love's the higher law
Love's the essence of the heart
this is what I saw:

The energy of cosmos shine
in every hug you give
I feel it now I see it clear
you need to love, to live

Let's redifine humanity
there is a rightous path
let's pay the bill of debt today
and let nobody laugh

And sister, brother, listen now
this isnt all I've seen
somebody does'nt see the good
we see, but come between

They are destructive evil men
they do not know our love
so filled with hate, they do not share
our vision from above

They may be sick, it could be that,
perhaps they need some care
let's build a home for lunatics
and give them comfort there

Peter~

A very nice poem - some beautiful phrases here!

Personally, I felt the first 3 stanzas were the strongest. The ideas expressed in the rest of the poem are excellent. I just feel that, as a poem, it starts off with elegant Cohen-graciousness and doesn't quite keep up with itself near the end..

But I like it!



~Taigaku

Peter, I concur with Taigaku. Great work here.

However my active mind wishes to enter the proces so if I may be so bold. As it stands, my response is that it needs another verse or two to follow on and complete the line of thought you have taken.
Or, deleting the last 3 verses and following on from
"and let nobody laugh"

At what we do,at what we need
To heal a sorry heart
To bring a flower from the weed
(To) Nurture this love, this art.

Not to imply that this suggestion is better, it's just the way my mind works. I am not presuming this is what you ought to do.
Hope you appreciate the comments.

Regards, Witty Owl.