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Ren.. seeing how you're leaving (or maybe have even already left) for your annual year-long sabbatical from this place (leaving very little time it seems for you to actually be here).. I thought to arrange a little vote for us to choose that poem of yours deemed to be most bronze worthy..

VOTERS: Sorry this is a fairly crude set-up.. [but I ain't no computer wiz, believe me].. Anyway.. PLEASE JUST register the number and title of the poem in a post [below].. and I'll figure the rest of this out later.. please don't gush too much or anything.. we all know that each poem has its charms.. and yet we do need to decide on just one..

.. ANYWAY.. at the end of all of this, Ren.. you will indeed have your best poem "bronzed".. Now, I know that's not quite the same as receiving cash.. but it's sure to make you feel all warm and tingly inside.. at least that's what Marisha tells me, after I'd bronzed practically a Tolstoy-ish sized novel of her interminable ramblings.. Okay.. without or with or whatever blah blah further ado..


1. Worms Have Feelings Too

yeah I'm a worm
but I'm not icky
well it's true I'm wet
and sometimes sticky
but i have feelings
just like you
despite the fact
that i'm 90% goo.

You can cut me into pieces
But that won't matter
A few days from now
I'll be even fatter.


2. She Smells (Looking for a Solution)

When you're in love
You're immune
To oder
And the smell of ruin

B.O. smells like sunshine
Maybe even flowers
The world smells like heaven
Regardless of the power

But then love settles down
Then the illusion quits
And that lovely flower beside you
Smells like a sack of shit


3. Fabric Softener (People Always Leave You At The Laundromat)

Poor little fabric softener
People always forget to take you home
No one cares much about you
It seems you're on your own

Now it's true detergent
Costs so much more
But why treat fabric softener
Like some kind of whore?

It comes in bottles
Green and blue
It makes clothes soft
For me and you.

Now detergent gets out
Really tough stains
What does fabric softener do?
Well it just smells like rain.

4. Being With You

Being with you
Is like being stung by bees
Being with you
Is like a long burning pee
Being with you
Is like nuclear waste
I try to smile
But I can't make the face
Being with you
Is like a shark attack
I pray that I'm eaten
So I don't have to go back
Being with you
Is like having every disease
Hopefully I'll succumb
And float away on the breeze

5. Fungus (Stay Away From Ren)

Tonight I'm down
I'm really depressed
All my friends have fungus
So I'm moving west

Ren is healthy
Ren is happy
Ren don't want no fungi
Ren don't want to feel crappy

So work real hard on your fungus
From summer to fall
And when it's gone
Give old Renny a call

6. Possum in The Road

Poor little possum
You look so confused
I don't mean to sound so forward
I don't mean to sound rude
But get your ass to the curb
Or you'll be be bird food.

I know you're not bright
With such a tiny brain
But dammit use what you have
Or you'll be a red stain

Some people really wouldn't mind
To see you get squished
And I have to say
Well that's not my wish

So use your possum instinct
Keep your possum insides inside
Stay out of traffic
And find someplace to hide

7. Ren Is Leaving (Again)

Ren is leaving here
For another year
I'll be back in 2011
Have no fear.
Sincerely, G.


edit: just added #4.. as it seems we needed a nice "love pome"..

.. oh, been adding lots of others too..

(Was this inspired by my TS Eliot Prize remark Violet? )

If it was, and also if it wasn't - should such a parallel as a hung parliament occur (Potential-change-of-UK-government-coming-up-here-next-week speak)

Can't we just then go the whole hog and nominate Ren for Poet Of The Year?

Because as it goes with me just now, in terms of the general election, I am kinda tempted to vote for the Monster Raving Loony Party on the 6th

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.. Ren.. you have a very strong fan base.. please stay and continue.. personally, I write some serious poems, and yet I never once felt "mocked" by you... but now that you mention it.. there was that one poem.. [KIDDING].. stay!! Oh, and you voted my favorite too!! hooray!!..

[MEANWHILE].. now Alsiony.. you can vote the looney ticket all you want in your own crazy country.. HERE, HOWEVER.. you still need to vote for JUST ONE of Ren's masterful works.. now come on.. I'm looking to you to set a good example, or else what will the truly unruly of this forum wind up doing?? Geoffrey, for example (who'll no doubt mess with the results in some Geoffrey sort of way).. Harry.. (who I think is dead).. Marish, etc.. Oh, and Imaginary can be quite cantankerous at times.. and don't get me started on Cate.. oh, and now there's kwills, who's a very slippery and subversivey type sort, it turns out.. so.. really, it's up to you to "set the proper tone," as it were.. Anyway, you know what happens around here.. I could just have Henning and Dick patrol the place, but I don't think we have to resort to that just yet, do you??

.. okay.. so, so far: Fabric Softener: 2 Votes

My vote:

Worms Have Feelings Too

V - everyone can see our vote


Okay mine was 3, the tragic tale of loss and abandonment at the laundry.

[MEANWHILE].. now Alsiony.. you can vote the looney ticket all you want in your own crazy country.. HERE, HOWEVER.. you still need to vote for JUST ONE of Ren's masterful works.. now come on.. I'm looking to you to set a good example,

( haha)

...*sigh* ... *tsk*... Hmmmm. I suppose that you are right, and me being an ikkle anarchist just won't do will it. So I'll pack it in. for now.
Please forgive me... I have trouble fitting into moulds at times - largely due to the fact that I am such a strange shape.
But I do agree with Cate, everyone can see our vote! and also... when is the deadline for vote casting anyways? What sort of mickey mouse system is this??
I note that you have gone back and emphasised the rules above... but can't I buck the system a teeny weeny bit?? I know that I will be provoking the writing of the Red Writing again, but call me a rebel, I like to live on the edge. OK - I said I wouldn't do this didn't I... ahem. Start again.

So inline with an effort to be good, I shall keep this brief (pah!)

Decisions decisions, well I don't actually have a favourite - so my choice is not based on liking one more than any other.
However, seeing as I have made reference to 'shape' just now, and seeing as how worms are, because of their actual physical capabilities, a nice metaphor for the potential capabilities of the human race. They can make all kinds of shapes with themselves whilst all the time remaining constant inside. I also like the fact that the worm is self aware enough to be able to fully acknowledge his goo, but has also discovered himself enough to realise that he won't be beaten as a consequence, as it were. In a sense, vulnerable does not mean weak and I admire that in a worm.
(Ren did you really think that such underlying genius wouldn't be recognised? )

So I go with the Worm one then, unless I find myself in a different mood later on before the counting of the votes - whenever that officially isn't, in which case I might change my mind.



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Hi V. it's stilllll raining so I bet there's lots of worms out there - I'll go peek an see if any of them have ears.
Naaa, joking, they're the one creepy crawly I really don't like to be near, they scare me a bit - worms and maggots <shiver>


okay - just in case you want people to vote in the future - it's very easy. If you go into a 'start a new topic' you'll see blue tabs under the Save, Preview, Submit buttons. The Tabs are Options, Upload and Poll Creation - just click Poll creation and it will ask you what your question is and what the options are. I think you can only do poll when you start a new thread though.

Well everyone is friends here, so it doesn't really matter.

I am not going to start a campaign about the worm poem, but I would like to share with you a childrens song if I may...

I don't know if this is just a British thing, or a world wide classic ( )
Sing it outloud, and the melody will come haha

There's a worm at the bottom of the garden
And his name is Wiggley -Woo
There's a worm at the bottom of the garden
And all that he can do...
Is wiggle all night and wiggle all day
No matter what the people may say
There's a worm at the bottom of the garden
And his name is Wiggley.. Wig Wig Wiggley... Wig Wig Wiggley-Wooooooo

Could this possibly encourage more votes do you think??

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Oh Sh**te here comes the Red Writing again...



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Alsiony wrote:Oh Sh**te here comes the Red Writing again...



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.. kwills -- er, uh, Bond Kwill IS Bond [is that right?].. could you, um, well, blow up Dick Peeping Tom doll thingy, and get him down here.. he should really be keeping an eye on this one..