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LET IT GO BY

I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
the people, the places
the clouds in the sky
I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
like the waves in the sea
and the birds in the sky

I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
I don't wonder when
and I don't wonder why
I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
whatever happened
I just say goodbye

I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
I don't bother with sorrow
and I don't even sigh
I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
the daydream is over
and night time is nigh

I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
your pain can't be shared
like some pieces of pie
I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
no one will be holding
my hand if I cry

I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
one day I was low
and one day I was high
I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
and I'm not disappointed
by the truth or a lie

sean

PS I am actually happy to receive constructive criticism and suggestions regarding my poems. My impatient nature expects a poem to be born and die almost in the same moment. In this respect I am very unlike Leonard! I think I am finally understanding that much patience is necessary, until the moment when it can be left alone.........(for a while)

daka wrote:LET IT GO BY

I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
the people, the places
the clouds in the sky
I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
like the waves in the sea
and the birds in the sky

I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
I don't wonder when
and I don't wonder why
I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
whatever happened
I just say goodbye

I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
I don't bother with sorrow
and I don't even sigh
I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
the daydream is over
and night time is nigh

I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
your pain can't be shared
like some pieces of pie
I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
no one will be holding
my hand if I cry

I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
one day I was low
and one day I was high
I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
and I'm not disappointed
by the truth or a lie

sean

PS I am actually happy to receive constructive criticism and suggestions regarding my poems. My impatient nature expects a poem to be born and die almost in the same moment. In this respect I am very unlike Leonard! I think I am finally understanding that much patience is necessary, until the moment when it can be left alone.........(for a while)

Hi Sean..

I find myself drawn to the Romantic poet, Keats these days.. in fact, I just posted a larger section of this epic poem on another thread.. But I bring it up here to discuss the subject of rhyme in poetry.. This Keats poem, I've been reading (Endymion), is written in rhyming couplets of iambic pentameter, also known as heroic couplets [and yes, Georges and Violet might fit into such category too.. but I digress].. Anyway, I wanted to look at this first stanza, as it were.. just to see what's happening with the rhyme..

... oh, and your post has inspired this discussion, first, because you asked for feedback.. but also, given your attraction to using rhyme..

A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness; but still will keep
A bower quiet for us, and a sleep
Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.

.. now, what's interesting here to me is that, while there is that rhyming couplet thing happening, there's a subtlety to it, perhaps because the rhyme of the second line does not in itself end the sentiment being expressed.. thus.. "never" takes us directly to "Pass into nothingness".. which somehow helps make for the subtlety and complexity of the rhyme scheme..

.. now, what might this do in terms of meaning?..

.. let me examine the rhyme scheme a bit more first..

A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness; but still will keep
A bower quiet for us, and a sleep
Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.

.. I'm seeing how "nothingness" is echoed in "quiet for us".. and this within the end-word rhyme of "keep" and "sleep".. and while "sleep" is again echoed in "sweet".. that's just a faint echo of that sweet sound..

.. now, back to meaning..

.. Well, what first comes to mind is the nature of its subject.. A thing of beauty is a joy forever.. this line is so known now, as to seem cliche.. and yet.. let's try to give it its due.. and actually.. its due, to me, comes in the subtlety of form that follows, for..

A thing of beauty is a joy forever;
It's loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness;

.. I'm finding that the poem has this "pull" to it.. I don't stop with that first line, which we all know so well.. I'm drawn into the next and the next.. and am somehow gaining momentum in this.. there is this subtle build of excitement in the reading of the poem.. this hidden "store" of meaning, as it were..

A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness; but still will keep
A bower quiet for us, and a sleep
Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.

I wanted to mention too, something I heard a very prominent British Shakespearean acting coach say with regard to Shakespeare.. how very often (with Shakespeare) it is the break with the iambic pentameter that introduces a new idea.. and even though I artificially stopped the poem at "breathing".. it could be instructive to view this segment of the poem, as if this truly were the last line of the poem, in which case, this last line would seem to introduce a new direction in its break with the rhythm.. (just to give a possible example of this)..

I guess what I'm suggesting is to try to get to a deeper understanding of the inner of workings of poetry through carefully paying attention to the interplay of sounds and rhythms as you read a poem of the highest craft and quality.. I just read this stanza again, and noticed how the sound of "bower" just faintly resonates (given its sizable proximity) with the end of the first and second lines.. "for ever".. and "never"..

A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness; but still will keep
A bower quiet for us, and a sleep
Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.

.. so it's not just the rhyming couplet -- but these echoes of sounds.. these shades of rhymes that become so important to the "feeling".. and thus the deeper, more hidden meaning of the poem..

.. and, I would add, that the more we become sensitive to these sounds and rhythms, the more we may be pulled into the subterranean world of the poem we are writing, giving sway, as it were, to its (and our) unconscious.. its methods and motivations.. which is usually far more interesting than anything our conscious selves could cook up..

Now, maybe let's have another look at your poem..


LET IT GO BY

I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
the people, the places
the clouds in the sky
I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
like the waves in the sea
and the birds in the sky

I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
I don't wonder when
and I don't wonder why
I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
whatever happened
I just say goodbye

I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
I don't bother with sorrow
and I don't even sigh
I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
the daydream is over
and night time is nigh

I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
your pain can't be shared
like some pieces of pie
I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
no one will be holding
my hand if I cry

I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
one day I was low
and one day I was high
I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
and I'm not disappointed
by the truth or a lie

.. actually, having just read your poem again, I'm finding the very first stanza to be the strongest..

I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
the people, the places
the clouds in the sky
I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
like the waves in the sea
and the birds in the sky

.. this to me reads the truest.. this is what I think you wanted to say.. I think the danger of rhyme is that you can wind up letting the rhyme start to push you around as a writer, instead of drawing from you your very best writing.. in fact, you may find yourself cowering in the face of the almighty rhyme.. and so.. in the end, although you may have succeeded in fitting words into a rhyme scheme -- the kernel of truth; the spark of beauty that first inspired you -- may be lost in the "perfunctoriness" of the translation into rhyme..

.. I hesitate to say much more on this, Sean.. but I would suggest you think about what you were needing to do with the rest of the poem, when the very first stanza might be saying all you truly needed and wanted to say.. there is something of a simple effortlessness in this first stanza.. and somehow, in its truth and simplicity, there is its meaning.. which feels to me to be a wistful poignancy.. a sadness..

.. oh, I’m aware of the Leonard quote too with the title.. Let it go by.. and that song, too.. [I believe it’s his Lorship’s favorite] is somewhere in the background of this poem.. or at least this first stanza..

v i o l e t

I've been critiqued kindly
by your gentle scalpel
you wield your words
with precision skill
and delicacy

Thanks for your response Violet, your comments are greatly appreciated, and will be contemplated.

I can see the craftmanship that you point to in Keats' piece; it is artful poetry. The play with the rhyme reminds me of harmonies, the way they tease the ear and mind in a delightful, sensual way.

I should mention that I wrote this and other recent "poems" as lyrics for songs, and possibly for this reason they are less artful than the product of a true poet intending to produce a masterpiece. I intend to keep working on this and I will post the changes (as edits) as they happen. Leonard, however, manages to somehow mold poetry into succinct song lyric masterpieces. I hope that one day I will be able to create (at least) one song that, like Keats poem (and your critique) might be .....

A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness; but still will keep
A bower quiet for us, and a sleep
Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing

Thanks again

Sean

LET IT GO BY

I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
the people, the places
the clouds in the sky
I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
like the waves in the sea
and the birds in the sky

I don't wonder when
and I don't wonder why
everything happened
I just say goodbye
no bother with sorrow
I don't even sigh
the daydream is over
and night time is nigh

my pain won’t be shared
like some pieces of pie
although you'll be holding
my hand when I cry
today may be low
and tomorrow be high
and you won't disappoint me
with truth or a lie

I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
the people, the places
the clouds in the sky
I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
like the waves in the sea
and the birds in the sky

sean

[our posts crossed.. so.. will have to take a look at your revised version, but need to be going now]..

daka wrote:I've been critiqued kindly
by your gentle scalpel
you wield your words
with precision skill
and delicacy

Thanks for your response Violet, your comments are greatly appreciated, and will be contemplated.

I can see the craftmanship that you point to in Keats' piece; it is artful poetry. The play with the rhyme reminds me of harmonies, the way they tease the ear and mind in a delightful, sensual way.

I should mention that I wrote this and other recent "poems" as lyrics for songs, and possibly for this reason they are less artful than the product of a true poet intending to produce a masterpiece. I intend to keep working on this and I will post the changes (as edits) as they happen. Leonard, however, manages to somehow mold poetry into succinct song lyric masterpieces. I hope that one day I will be able to create (at least) one song that, like Keats poem (and your critique) might be .....

A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness; but still will keep
A bower quiet for us, and a sleep
Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing

Thanks again

Sean

.. oh, and I just realized how "loveliness" is echoed in "nothingness".. though I failed to draw that out before..

... well, I'm glad what I wrote is a help to you.. I mean only to inspire, as writing is so much a thing of inspiration, as well as just plain hard work sometimes (as you no doubt know)..

.. even Leonard feels that only a few of his songs really hold up as poems.. I don't recall which ones now.. but I do understand that a song's lyrics usually need the melody to complete them.. I actually have taken poems of mine and wrote music for them.. and I mean poems that didn't have simple rhyming schemes.. and I have to say, it did create some interesting songwriting.. rather unusual, in fact.. so that might be something to try as well..

.. okay, here's to happy writing.. and happy life,
v i o l e t (flower)..


edit: I was having difficulty with the word lyric.. or lyrics.. both seem singular to me, but alas, the latter must be plural.. so thought to wed that with the correct pronoun.. methinks.. (just saying).. v.

Hi Sean - I like the revisions that you've made,
especially the changes to this section

my pain won’t be shared
like some pieces of pie
although you'll be holding

as a reader the initial version sounded cruel - you won't be holding my hand if I cry - owww but this makes sense. Regardless of compassion your pain is still your pain alone.

Note to Violet - I loved reading about your thoughts on sound and rhyming it was excellent and something that I wish I had read a couple of years ago.

daka wrote:LET IT GO BY

I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
the people, the places
the clouds in the sky
I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
like the waves in the sea
and the birds in the sky

I don't wonder when
and I don't wonder why
everything happened
I just say goodbye
no bother with sorrow
I don't even sigh
the daydream is over
and night time is nigh

my pain won’t be shared
like some pieces of pie
although you'll be holding
my hand when I cry
today may be low
and tomorrow be high
and you won't disappoint me
with truth or a lie

I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
the people, the places
the clouds in the sky
I don't cling to the past
I just let it go by
like the waves in the sea
and the birds in the sky

sean

Hi Cate, Sean.. thank you, Cate, for commenting.. it was fun and instructive, I think, to look so closely at this "flake" of Keats (to evoke a Leonardism)..

Sean, I see the work you've done in revising this.. and it's nice that you left your main rhyme when starting the second stanza, as I do think that shift evokes another kind of shift as well, meaning wise.. and then you repeat the first stanza at the end..

.. yesterday, I had written a post talking more about your poem, but then I saw your post, and so I somehow deleted what I'd written, when I just wanted to hold off posting it.. now I'm regretting losing it..

.. anyway, I wanted to add that the first stanza betrays its true intent in the tone of it, which contradicts the words.. the words are saying, hey, I'm fine, everything is alright.. but really.. its sadness is suggesting something else.. that, try as we may.. life does get to us..

.. and so I was thinking that the rest of the poem is there to introduce and deepen what we're already feeling in the first stanza.. and I think that's what you were beginning to do.. and maybe you could go even further with this..

.. more generally speaking.. I just wanted to mention that there's something about writing that reminds me of "combing".. you write something, and in going over it, again, and again, you are "combing" it.. trying to get the knots out.. the kinks.. you are refining what you're doing.. if something is tripping you up, you keep trying things until the problem goes away, or gets "smoothed out," as it were.. sometime this process takes you far away from what you originally thought the poem was supposed to be about.. it's as if the form -- (and I'm no longer talking about being bullied by rhyme) -- but the true form of the thing, starts to tell you what the poem is really about.. and so sound can truly have a profound effect on the poem's meaning..

.. actually, I keep bringing up "meaning".. and I think most here think the meaning of a poem is one's conscious intention when writing something.. but to me, that's only a part of its meaning.. and very often, that's a much less interesting part of its meaning.. to me, its "true" meaning gets expressed through the mood, and those deeper, more subtle aspects I tried to get at earlier.. I mean, even if you're not writing a Romantic poem in the vein of Keats.. even still, form cannot be separated from a poem's meaning.. and this is a good thing.. I mean, it's why with poetry, the poem is the only way a certain kind of meaning can be conveyed.. in other words, you can't just write a "summary" of the poem's intentions, and have that "fill in" for the poem.. the poem can only be the poem.. and the specificity of that poem.. is its own unique manner of "meaning"..

.. and on that note.. I wanted to look at this lovely little passage you had written just for me, Sean.. (so very sweetly)..

.. (to which I added a comma or two)..

daka wrote:I've been critiqued kindly
by your gentle scalpel;
you wield your words
with precision, skill
and delicacy

.. I think you're here finding poetry.. even without the rhyme.. (and I find I'm fainting hearing "kindly".. resonant in your choice of the word "delicacy")..

v i o l e t

Thanks for your comments, Violet

I have never met
a Violet
I find the name
resonates,
invoking certain
qualities

yesterday
I contemplated
names
and whether
they reflect
the person

"Violet" .... invokes in me

dignity, maturity
specialness and subtlety
rarity, refinement
stablity and strength
gentle disposition
deft discrimination
lightness of being
and individuality

My actual name is John
but I have been called Seán
during my life
to discriminate between
father, John, and son, Seán
so I suppose my "actual" name
is Seán

For me "Seán" does invoke
the qualities of the person
that I believe myself to be

My partner is named "Silvia"
and she is very Spanish
living with her
is occasionally reminiscent
of a crescendo in "Carmen"
she sizzles
and then she settles,
fortunately for me
(and also for her)

Bye for now


Seán

(and thanks for your comments, Canadian Cate)

and "Cate"

invokes

rapid and clear
sharp and quick
economic, correct
direct and succinct


Seán

daka wrote: "Violet" .... invokes in me

dignity, maturity
specialness and subtlety
rarity, refinement
stablity and strength
gentle disposition
deft discrimination
lightness of being
and individuality

... I'm drawn to most of these qualities that the name Violet conjures for you*.. and if I, myself, have seemed to embody some of these.. in this disembodied world of computer communication.. then I'd be very flattered indeed.. (!)..

.. is Sean pronounced "Shawn"?.. and I assume it's Irish?..

.. maybe in part because it rhymes (that is, if I have the pronunciation right).. but to me the name "Sean" is evocative of the word "fawn".. and so there's a sweet delicacy to that.. and maybe such fawn-like quality indicates a sweet and delicate aspect of your soul, perhaps..

.. secondarily.. I just realized it's the name chosen by John and Yoko for their son.. though I know very little about him.. and still, such special parents..

... lastly.. since sometimes free association leads one to some interesting places.. I thought of the Roman "faun".. akin to the Greek satyr.. these [according to my quick wiki search] are "wild and orgiastic followers of Bacchus (the Greek Dionysus)".. I then linked to "Faunus," a Roman god which "came to be equated in literature with the Greek god Pan"... then I linked to "Pan".. "companion of the nymphs[!].. god of shepherds and flocks, of mountain wilds, hunting and rustic music... He has the hindquarters, legs, and horns of a goat, in the same manner as a faun or satyr. With his homeland in rustic Arcadia, he is recognized as the god of fields, groves, and wooded glens; because of this, Pan is connected to fertility and the season of spring. The ancient Greeks also considered Pan to be the god of theatrical criticism... In the 18th and 19th centuries, Pan became a significant figure in the Romantic movement of western Europe, and also in the 20th-century Neopagan movement"... [wikipedia]

.. which nicely brings us back to the Romantics.. Keats.. (and to Violet.. who brought up Keats on your thread)..

... as for the name "Violet," while I don't choose to use my "real" name here, those here with whom I've shared my real name have mentioned that Violet seems truer to me, somehow.. and, it's true that I've gotten quite attached to it..

.. a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet.. still: would not we miss its being called.. "a rose?"..

.. well, Sean.. this thread has been fun (hmm.. "faun").. for me,

v i o l e t

*.. I would add that.. given I sometimes feel "small".. even child-like (at times).. the words "maturity" and "dignity" almost intimidate me.. and yet.. I think in terms of "mind" -- my intellectual side, in other words.. I might be willing to own something of those two words.. or maybe it's that I feel I "should" own something of those two words.. so.. just thought I'd mention the slight inner conflict..