leonardcohenforum.com

Posted: **Mon Apr 19, 2004 8:24 am**

peace
ISL

Posted: **Sat Mar 12, 2005 10:30 pm**

repost

Posted: **Sun Mar 13, 2005 12:22 am**

Hi-

Unfortunately I don't have first hand knowledge of Kerouac works which i am sure would enrich your allusions, here.

There are some rich vignettes. But some of the language is disjointed.

jack kerouac

if I saw you enter my wisdom
to seperate the flame from the ash
the pigeons have lost all thier colours
the melted shoes of jack kerouac

The 'tenses' in this are confusing. As is the lack of punctuation.
Line 1 is past-tense. Line 3 starts out present-tense.
Despite these problems, i like the rhythm of this stanza.

a person without reason to be you
asleep on my unmade bed
my lips are cracked and swollen
babe
and no I ain't coming back

Your line breaks need fixing. "Babe" should not stand alone.

our bathroom is layered in plastic
your bras drip onto the floor
our kitchen is reeking of violence
the mimes have got all the clues

Lines 1 & 2, great visual. I'm not sure why the kitchen has "violence" or about the "mimes." Is this a direct allusion to Kerouac?

a dollar left in my pocket
a thousand sketches of you on my wall
everyone's getting rich and famous
babe
I'm just getting old

Again, "babe" should not stand alone. This too had a really good rhythm and flow...except for the line ends.

This ending does not wrap anything up for me....like i am reading part of a whole.

Thanks for sharing,
Laurie

Posted: **Sun Mar 13, 2005 5:32 am**

please don't let me confuse your mind
with riddles
I don't know who you are

peace
ISL

Posted: **Sun Mar 13, 2005 6:06 am**

Let me see if this works....hmmm...where is that button?....No!...that's not it...ummmm I know it is here somewhere, I've seen it used before...Ohhh. Here it is. Hope it works PLONK!

Posted: **Sun Mar 13, 2005 6:12 am**

I'm not sure if I got all that just went on before me, but I liked it. It pushed a button! It was fun. I liked the poem and I liked the tone.

People come and people go...

Linda.

Posted: **Sun Mar 13, 2005 6:35 am**

what the....

peace
ISL

Posted: **Sun Mar 13, 2005 6:40 am**

I agree: "Babe" shouldn't stand alone.

But "I'm just getting old" really reminds me of Neil Young, and I'm getting old myself... (was that a deliberate reference to "Heart of Gold"?)

Cheers
tom

Posted: **Sun Mar 13, 2005 7:02 am**

what the....

My sentiments exactly.

L

Posted: **Sun Mar 13, 2005 7:13 am**

Hello All,

I just dropped in on a topic notification and I suppose I'm partly to blame for the confusion, but not all of it. I'll just say, Hey, it's Saturday night, here. Give me a break. That's my excuse, other time-zones are on their own. To explain where I confused the topic would only confuse it further.

Listen! On the radio...Unchained Melody. Gotta go.

See you guys,
Linda.

Posted: **Sun Mar 13, 2005 7:20 am**

Linda~

i honestly have no idea what the hell is going on. But, i reserve the right to blame you completely.

L

Posted: **Sun Mar 13, 2005 7:27 am**

Laurie,

I'm not so sure what this thread is about. I found people online, and then this...this...this..I'm not to blame. You are.

Thank you.
Linda.

Posted: **Sun Mar 13, 2005 7:31 am**

Oh Linda, I am on to you. Playing all innocent and stirring pots with invisible spoons. No wonder i am confused, and terribly, terribly hurt (where's my prop...err i mean tissue)...

L
p.s. Okay. I'll take the blame, but you have to get the next one.

Posted: **Sun Mar 13, 2005 7:38 am**

I just follow the line of ilang's second poem:

repost

Thus: "Babe" shouldn't stand alone.

"I have to be weird
To grow me a beard
Just to see..."

Posted: **Sun Mar 13, 2005 7:44 am**

Oh, Hi Tom,

Yes, sometimes I feel the need to grow a weird beard, Laurie, back out of the room slowly and then find a phone! Yes, Tom, we all understand.