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The Ice Queen
Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 4:25 am
by Juan Juanders
The Ice Queen
Re: The Ice Queen
Posted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 2:14 am
by Alsiony
These lines really struck me...
Time has borne no ink upon her skin
though bold tattoos stain the heart within
which pounds in silence fierce and wild
beneath a heavy iron breastplate
Just these four lines could be a complete piece all on there own. Just my opinion ofcourse - and I don't mean anything against the rest of the poem, it's just that a bell rang in my heart when I read this bit.
Thanks
A
x
Re: The Ice Queen
Posted: Sat Mar 13, 2010 9:49 am
by Juan Juanders
..
Re: The Ice Queen
Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2010 5:37 am
by Violet
Juan Juanders wrote:The Ice Queen rose again today
Her black eyes pierced mine as she drew the kohl across her eye
Behind cascading curtains of salt and pepper lace
pendulous breasts dip and swoon from her heavily curved frame
as she stoops to buckle earth-trodden suede boots,
stepping each one into a blood velvet gown
which she draws up to hug an hourglass waist and drape thick killer thighs
Time has borne no ink upon her skin
though bold tattoos stain the heart within
which pounds in silence fierce and wild
beneath a heavy iron breastplate
Arming for another battle in her tireless war
she takes up her mother's Sword of Meath
and through thin-set lips and hard-clenched jaw
slips the Kerry Uppercut between her teeth
Willard lays where he is slain
inside his gilted mirror frame
His putrid rotting stench is foul,
dark hills echo his dying howl
His Buddies, each and every one,
scamper t'ward a waning sun
and flee the frozen palace gate
unwittingly to seal their fate
The Ice Queen rose again today
Her black eyes pierced mine as she drew the kohl across her eye.
.. hi J... I don't know what line/s you pilfered, but the first stanza starting with "Behind cascading curtains" seems wordier to me -- in other words, it's not as strong as when you go into more of a rhyme scheme, so I'd have to x that out as a Plath option.. (and if it is Plath, then I'd say it's Plath on a good day, since she probably wrote better on her bad days).. I'd agree with Alisony that the "Time has borne no ink upon her skin" stanza feels the strongest.. if forced to choose, I'd choose that stanza, if it's a whole stanza we're talking about.. the "Arming for another battle" stanza is quite strong too.. so that would be my second choice..
Oh, wait, I seem to be discounting the first and last refrain:
The Ice Queen rose again today
Her black eyes pierced mine as she drew the kohl across her eye.
.. it's rather interesting, possibly Plathesque.. hmm.. okay.. (I feel like I'm on double jeopardy or something).. okay, I'm switching to this to my first choice.. with my #1, now #2, my #2, now #3..
... you know, you've created an interesting literary problem with this.. this poem seems to be written in several styles, or degrees of proficiency.. that first full stanza, as I indicated, feeling weighted down by too many adjectives.. and even the last Willard stanza is not quite on par with the other two above it.. hmm.. well, we shall see, said the blind man.. (a favorite expression of my mother's, once upon a time)..
v.
p.s. I'm interested in the meanings for: "Sword of Meath," which I just love the sound of, and "Kerry Uppercut," which is intriguing as well, especially given she "slips it between her teeth"..
Re: The Ice Queen
Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2010 3:39 pm
by Juan Juanders
Oh..
Re: The Ice Queen
Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2010 4:35 pm
by Cate
Hi Juan, I'm glad that I've read this several times because with each reading I appreciate it more.
pendulous breasts dip and swoon from her heavily curved frame
I like this line for a few reasons. First it's just esthetically pleasing - I like the image in my head. Secondly - you've told me a lot, obviously her shape but pendulous makes me think of a slightly older woman - pendulous = time (plus if you're a busty woman, it's as you get a bit older that you breasts move this way or perhaps it's an after children thing)
which she draws up to hug an hourglass waist and drape thick killer thighs
gotta like that - not thick thighs, not killer thighs, thick killer thighs - she's strong
Time has borne no ink upon her skin
though bold tattoos stain the heart within
which pounds in silence fierce and wild
beneath a heavy iron breastplate
this is my favourite stanza too, specifically the first two lines of this stanza.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
looking for a Plathitude
(to be honest I'm not sure I completely understand)
so... it's like a platitude plathitude or maybe plath + attitude = plathitude.
looking for a similar attitude,idea or theme...
My guess,
the first Plath poem that comes to mind after reading yours is
the mirror
The idea of a harsh brutal truth (cold) and that feeling of lost time – the pain of it
I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
Whatever I see I swallow immediately
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike.
I am not cruel, only truthful-
----
edited to fix spelling - realized my spell check was off
Re: The Ice Queen
Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2010 6:33 pm
by Violet
Juan Juanders wrote:The Ice Queen rose again today
Her black eyes pierced mine as she drew the kohl across her eye
Behind cascading curtains of salt and pepper lace
pendulous breasts dip and swoon from her heavily curved frame
as she stoops to buckle earth-trodden suede boots,
stepping each one into a blood velvet gown
which she draws up to hug an hourglass waist and drape thick killer thighs
Time has borne no ink upon her skin
though bold tattoos stain the heart within
which pounds in silence fierce and wild
beneath a heavy iron breastplate
Arming for another battle in her tireless war
she takes up her mother's Sword of Meath
and through thin-set lips and hard-clenched jaw
slips the Kerry Uppercut between her teeth
Willard lays where he is slain
inside his gilted mirror frame
His putrid rotting stench is foul,
dark hills echo his dying howl
His Buddies, each and every one,
scamper t'ward a waning sun
and flee the frozen palace gate
unwittingly to seal their fate
The Ice Queen rose again today
Her black eyes pierced mine as she drew the kohl across her eye.
Behind cascading curtains of salt and pepper lace
pendulous breasts dip and swoon from her heavily curved frame
as she stoops to buckle earth-trodden suede boots,
stepping each one into a blood velvet gown
which she draws up to hug an hourglass waist and drape thick killer thighs
.. hi again.. well, Cate likes a lot of this first stanza a great deal, so.. it's not poorly written, and yet its wordiness is not as inviting to read, at least not to me, as the next stanzas.. it's hard though to say how to change it, as technically there's nothing "wrong" with it..
.. maybe you don't need the first lace curtain line.. hmm.. I will contemplate this a bit more, if you like..
I quickly looked at some Plath poems last night, and noted the "mirror" theme too.. which might be present in a number of her poems.. so.. perhaps Cate is on to something.. this "mirror" theme.. in Plath's hands it "cuts both ways," doesn't it?
Anyway, thanks for this puzzle.. I like to explore writers I don't know all that well.. and really, when it comes to poetry, there's so much I'd like to look into more..
v.
Re: The Ice Queen
Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 12:24 am
by Juan Juanders
ObeJuanKenobe
Re: The Ice Queen
Posted: Sun Mar 21, 2010 4:34 am
by Cate
One of the main characters from the bell jar was named Buddy Willard - he had no problem dating two ladies at once. (you should know that I cheated by asking a very talented Plath fan)
Re: The Ice Queen
Posted: Wed Mar 24, 2010 7:00 am
by Juan Juanders
Juan xoxo
Re: The Ice Queen
Posted: Wed Mar 24, 2010 7:19 am
by Violet
Juan Juanders wrote:
S.(ensitive)N.(ew)A.(ge)G.(uy)s and
C.(aring).U(nderstanding).N(ineties).T(ype).s...
J., I just had to say, this cracked me up.. (oh, and congrats Cate)..
v.
Re: The Ice Queen
Posted: Wed Mar 24, 2010 7:45 am
by Juan Juanders
x
Re: The Ice Queen
Posted: Wed Mar 24, 2010 8:06 am
by Cate
ohhh thank you for the chocolate frog!!! I shall share it with Laurie, the clever lady who gave me the answer.