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The Hunger

Posted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 2:00 am
by Lita
A moment of hunger and everything I value is lost.
I slept in your bed, unaware of consequences.
Never wanting to see you for you; I held out hope for external stimuli.
Not my type I pretended you were someone else, honest, caring, handsome.
Point is I was wrong, about you, about me, about this.
Now there is nothing left but, this chain that chokes me into reality,
Makes me do I sink of dishes, wipes the smile from my face.
A joke cracked among friends, a taste of sour milk; this is where you will stay.

Posted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 4:54 am
by LaurieAK
Hi Lita~ I think the first 5 lines of this poem are too 'telling.' They are prosaic instead of poetic.

However, the last 3 lines get the poetic heart of what is being expressed and do it very well. I read somewhere that there is nothing new under the sun, but in poetry, we need to make it seem that way...a new perspective, a unique twist. The 'ending' of this poem is a great start.

as always, my humble opinion, Laurie

Posted: Tue Feb 17, 2004 6:14 pm
by lizzytysh
Hi Lita ~

You've described well the morning-after regrets of any number of women who have sought solace in a lover's embrace, only to find out the validation lasted no longer than their brief time together. It's very honest and poignant.

~ Lizzytysh

Posted: Tue Feb 17, 2004 8:39 pm
by bobo
I am very against loose sex and also I do not like sour milk one little bit, not at all. What is the point of sour milk when a farmer can squeeze straight out from cows one way or an udder?

I can hardly imagine that Sir Roger would approve of either and I think you certainly owe him one of an apology straight away!

Posted: Tue Feb 17, 2004 11:28 pm
by Lita
Well thanks for the feedback, it does help. Lizzytish you got what I was saying, which is cool 8) . Laurie thanks for help, I see what you mean. I am pretty new at this so I am still learning lots! and bobo medication will help............lol