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A wintery theme

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 7:24 pm
by LaurieAK
Important Like The Fog
(a whisper poem)

Yes,
Our breath disappeared
In the frozen mist
And when our feet
Snapped snow,
The rhythm
Drove us forward
Where the white path
Peeked through the white fog
And
Stepping slow together
We spoke no words
As the rhythm
Urged us on
and
Our breath was the fog.
Or so it seemed.
Then we shivered......Yes
While walking......Yes
With the rhythm
Of the snow
Snapping beneath our feet
And
We could taste it
On our lips
So cold
And being nowhere…
Being now here,
Was so important
Like the fog.

Exchange Rate

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 7:44 pm
by Ben Kelly
LaurieAK

A foggy day
In Wall St Town
Now its two dollars
For every pound

I really like you sense of poetry and fun

Cheers

Ben

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 10:04 pm
by lizzytysh
Hi Laurie ~

I really like the visuals and the sounds and the feel of this. The natural sound and silence of snow and fog, with the immediacy and power of unspoken communication between two people. I also like that it's "(a whisper poem)," adding to the elements of tenderness and intimacy. Also, in a way, an Alaskan version of "walking to the corner, our steps will always rhyme." I remember some snow times like this.

~ Lizzytysh

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 12:50 am
by LaurieAK
Ben~

Two to One, eh? Certainly makes the math much easier, than "sort of 1.5" Other than that, Ouch!
And geez thanks for the compliment. Your cyber-bar though, i fear may be impairing your good judgement.

Lizzy~

I feel the Need to confess this poem is life being tweaked into art. The original notion of it was from a walk i took with my number one soulmate dog, Poobah (Sarah is a rebound dog). Changing the scene to two people made this poem what it is. The real life atmosphere of ice fog was so thick, i don't think i have seen it that dense ever again. It is funny, from the start when writing this (several years ago) i always heard it in a whisper. And i have always loved that line of LC's about the steps rhyming. Although this was written years before i discovered that uncharted territory called Leonard Cohen. I'm only about a 3 year fan to date.

Anyways, I'm glad you like this and can relate. regards, L

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 2:53 am
by lizzytysh
I've always loved that line of Leonard's, too.....and have distinct memories of it applying in my own life. Re-reading it from a dog perspective, I can find it equally applicable. In that we have our own ways of speaking and being spoken to by our dog friends, much less soulmates, I can also make sense of the line, "We spoke no words."

I didn't mean to suggest [and hope you didn't take it that way] that you modeled your poem after Leonard's song line......it just brought a similar image as I read it. It's a kind of togetherness that I really like.

Your 'confession' gives it even greater texture.

~ Lizzy

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 3:42 am
by LaurieAK
Hi Lizzy~ Regarding LC's "stepping" line....sorry i guess what i said could be misconstrued. No, i didn't think you were implying plagerism...i just meant those lines did not inspire my 'stepping together' poem.

LC's lines always to transport me to a sidewalk in my mind, four legs, stepping in time...so relate-able. Nothing beats (pun intended) poetry set to music.

And the "other" in the poem really is another person.
I had to write me dog out of it to get the ambiance i was going for. But my memory, unaltered by art is of me and mr. pooh.

The line "we spoke no words" that you picked up on is a tongue in cheek reference that only arises when the truth be told (hehe). cheerio, L

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 4:02 am
by lizzytysh
:lol: This is getting very quickly convoluted :wink: . I didn't 'really' think that you thought I thought you were plagiarizing, but I really did want to make certain of it, just in case, on the off-chance.

Yes, a sidewalk is what comes to mind with me, too, when I hear the line, and 4 ~ not 6 ~ legs walking.

Yes, I knew also that you had transformed the experience between woman and dog, to woman and man.....when you created the poem. However, even so, I could still make it fit with dog, with just a little juggling of that one line.

Ahh, on "the truth be told".....

Thanks for your additionals.

~ Lizzy

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 4:53 am
by LaurieAK
insert primal scream here {------------------------}

No offense Lizzy, just reacting to misconstrued convolutions. L

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 6:21 am
by lizzytysh
:lol: [tee-hee] :lol:

~ Lizzy