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I just finished this, so there may be some spelling and other corrections needed... feel free to point out anything, in that area, or any other. =)
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-Evening-

I awoke one night to a mournful cry
And looking out the window, into the night
Laying trembling and hopeless under a star-flecked sky
Was a small helpless bird. And by the moon's light
I could see the little bird had shattered its wing
Its broken, limp body was torn beyond repair.
It was not too long before it ceased to sing
And let go of life
In silent despair.

I've long since given up any such song
Healing and happiness are so far out of sight
I know the bird's silence,
I've known it so long
I know its earth-bound life
One that's always wrong
A life without flight
And in this knowing
The night becomes
A deeper night.

Hi Everett,

That's a very beautiful and poignant poem. I like it very, very much. I've rescued many injured birds and it tugs at those heartstrings of memory, as well, as I read it. Your use of the bird's plight to describe "your" own is very effective.

The only corrections I would make [since you offered] are on the apostrophes. In your first verse, the spelling should be "its wing" and "its broken." In the second one, it should be "its earth-bound life." To show ownership, you omit the apostrophe. With the apostrophe, it means "it is." For some reason, and I'm not sure why, I want to have your final line start with a lower-case "a," I guess maybe to make it feel more reflective and introspective ~ which makes me wonder if I would prefer, as well, that not every line begin with upper-case. Those are my only editor-variety comments. I enjoyed your poem very much.

All good things,
Lizzytysh

thanks, i'll change that... usually I just stick with capitalizing on the first of every line *shrugs* i'm kinda a perfectionist, so it just bothers me when i do it or something lol.... i'll think ab it... I def need to clear things up with the apostrophes tho! i'm bad about that
Ev
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Okay I changed the apostrophes.

Hi Ev,
Maybe [probably!] it's just fine the way it is on the capitalization, i.e. your style. I was just relating my own personal feelings since you had asked. Maybe it wouldn't affect the next guy like that. The apostrophes really do need to be changed, however.

All good things,
Lizzytysh

Even now, I get confused with apostrophes.
I also get confused with how to start each line of a poem...should it be with a capital letter or not? Also, are there different rules for use of full stops and commas?
Are there fixed rules.
As a mathematician I cannot profess to have the same high levels of literary creativity as some of you.
I read analyses of poems in the forum and I don't always understand...I am learning though and that is why I find the forum informative.
All I can say is that when I read or write a poem I can appreciate it at my level. My main criteria is whether the poem flows or not. I am sure there are many other criteria and I am gradually encountering them in this forum.
As a matter of interest, when I was off line for a year, I communicated with Babz by snail mail. She analysed one of my poems and I didn't even understand the analysis ...she's too clever by half (hope you are reading this Babz!) She told me thoughts I had that I didn't even realise I had...that's how clever she is. She reached into the hidden depths of my mind...not a pretty excavation may I add! She is trying to teach me all that I know. We are at lesson 2 out of 347.!

I will continue to contribute the odd poem. Odd probably being the operative word.
I'm pleased you asked for comments on your poem, Everett. It has prompted me to ask likewise.
This forum is cheaper than going to poetry evening classes.

Just a thought to leave you with;
There are 3 types of people to be aware of in this world;
Those who can count
and those who can't.

Have a rewarding day
Pete

Hi Pete,
I'm sure that there really are "rules," but I've never taken a poetry writing class, day or evening. I think of the upper/lower case thing being where the sentence/phrase hasn't really ended, but you want a "breath" break for emphasis or visuals. I need to take a class or find a good explanatory book to say anything really definitive on that!

Sometimes, I think it's purely personal choice. Free-form poetry has a lot more latitude than those that fit into particular categories, i.e. sonnets, haiku, etc., like Andrew listed. With the few, and I do mean very few, poems I've written behind closed doors, in the privacy of my own home, I've gone with the flow criteria, too.

I'd love to see your original poem and then Babz's analysis of it...."teacher, are my lessons done?" At 345, I'd say not.....

Going by your parting words , I guess the computer devised the process for your game on the other thread, eh?

All good things,
Lizzytysh

My dear Lizzytysh
Are you suggesting I used a computer to devise the puzzle?
I need to teach you some Maths.
Try the puzzle again and see what happens.
Try to analyse why you get what you get.
If you sort it don't let on.
Then you will be a true mathematician.

Yours exponentially
Pete

Who me? Why no, Pete Suggest use of a computer program? Perish the thought.

Oh-oh, this is starting to sound like story problems and card tricks. Are you really saying that I should be able to figure this out on my own? Such faith...... I will, of course, let you know in secret, the secret, should I discover it ~ which is highly doubtful .

All good things,
Lizzytysh

Lizzytysh
Look deep into the hidden crevices of your mind and you will find the 'sums bit'
It may be much smaller than the 'words bit' but there should be sufficient there for you to work it out.
Do not be afraid. Have the confidence and you will solve this.
No cheating mind you....don't ask anyone else.
Pete

oops
should have put this on the other thread
sorry Everett
Pete

I liked your poem very much, Everett. Normally I would not offer any criticism, but since you asked.....

The word "laying" is as in 'laying eggs' or 'laying a table', whereas I think what you probably meant was "lying" as in 'lying down'. I have a hazy memory from English classes of things called transitive and intransitive verbs, but I couldn't for the life of me tell you which was which now. All of which in no way detracts from the beauty of your original image.

I didn't have the terms that go with it, Linda....but I do "know" the concept, yet find it a dilemma at times, and really wish that the same word for deceitful wasn't a shared one. I find myself using [I believe appropriately] lie and lying, and then see that in the context of the sentence, it could be taken either way! I think the of the chicken laying eggs, yet wasn't aware of the laying a table, as we use the word setting over here. That's good feedback, though. I sometimes have to struggle with which one it is I need to be using, as I don't often talk about chickens laying eggs.

All good things,
Lizzytysh