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Storm Woman
Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2003 9:31 am
by FishHunter
This is my first i would welcome your points of view
Storm Woman
So give me something warm
From the centre of the storm
Where woman look for love
You take out your heart and pull it apart
And you feast on your wisdom till dawn
Your pleasure is near yet you’re so far away
All the men in a row slowly fade away
Life isn’t what it should be but your pleas are drowned out by the rain
The storm has gone
Only love remains
Can your heart endure such pain
You didn’t give me anything warm
Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2003 10:56 am
by Makera
FishHunter~
Welcome! This is a profoundly compelling poem. A sense of disillusionment at the transient, destructive nature of passion without an enduring reciprocal love, is how it struck me. Beautifully done.
I love the title too.....it has the 'flavour' of a Native American wisdom poem.
~Makera
Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2003 3:18 pm
by George.Wright
The Storm Woman is beautiful and compassionate. The storm woman is avatism. It is very native and does remind me of North American Indian folklore.
Nice Work.
Georges
Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2003 4:34 pm
by lizzytysh
Dear FishHunter ~
This is a very admirable first attempt at poetry! I particularly like the
image and rhythm of your phrasings, "And you feast on your wisdom till dawn;" "All the men in a row slowly fade away;" and "....but your pleas are drowned out by the rain." Very memorable.
In keeping with the reminiscence of Native American Indians [already mentioned by Makera and Georges], I like the way you integrate nature words and concepts with storm, dawn, and rain ~ and, of course, your most-intrigueing title

!
~ Elizabeth
Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2003 6:14 pm
by George.Wright
I posted on this poem this morning and have lost it, maybe in the storm.
Nice work, very avatistic and north American indian feel.
Keep posting FishHunter.
Georges
Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2003 6:38 pm
by lizzytysh
Maybe you've lost it on yours, Georges, but it's still on mine

! That's how I was able to reference yours in mine

.
Welcome to the Forum, FishHunter

!
~ Lizzytysh
Posted: Sun Nov 09, 2003 4:05 am
by FishHunter
Thanks to all for your comments
Posted: Sun Nov 09, 2003 6:07 pm
by lizzytysh
You're welcome, FishHunter

. Maybe you'll post another

?
~ Lizzytysh
Posted: Sun Nov 09, 2003 7:28 pm
by Makera
FishHunter~
So glad you liked our comments; but would you please tell us, was I way off the mark?
Also, are you familiar with, or have a special affinity for, Native American culture? (I sure do)
~Makera