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Feelings so long and tough
Posted: Mon Jun 15, 2009 3:38 am
by Aletheia
feelings
so long and tough
that they could embrace
the eart
several times
I could put just one
of them in the sky
and it could make faces
to God himself
feelings so many and pale
that they could shadow the moon
and make her forget about herself
I could roll
one of them around the sun
and the world would
tip over in darkness
dare not
to tell you
that you´re already mine
Re: Feelings so long and tough
Posted: Mon Jun 15, 2009 7:08 pm
by lazariuk
This was very enjoyable to read.
I like it when the tensile strength is given good consideration.
The spelling of one word is embrace and not embrase unless of course you have a specific reason that I may not understand.
I would also like to ask you if you feel strongly the need to use the word "up" or if it could just be left out.
I mean if you wrote
I could put just one
of them in the sky
and it could make faces
to God himself
That way there would be less resistance to people considering that God could be seeing your face from below.
or with
feelings
so long and tough
that they could embrase
the earth
up to several times
if it was
feelings
so long and tough
that they could embrase(or embrace)
the earth
several times
would anything be lost? I think that the word "up" was invented to get in the way of people understanding each other.
Your poems seem very inviting and your picture also seems to invite warmly
Re: Feelings so long and tough
Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:29 pm
by Aletheia
Hi Lazariuk. Thank you so much for your comments. I have tried to correct it now.
This is my first time in this forum and many people have already commented on my poems and I like it:-)
Thanks