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I'm in charge!

. . . . . . . practicing beat and rhyme on my way to a sonnet

Wild animals belong on leashes
wrapped tightly round their heads.
They need to be pulled and told where to go
before their appetites are fed.

Although you point, you may only follow
behind me is your station.
Keep your position as we climb the plateau
and make sure that you stay at attention.

I'll pull you along while singing my song
to you the Master of the hunt.
Eventually you'll fall, to your knees down low
praying to feast at my kitchen.

maybe the last line could be

being so cunning with my stunt

looks like grotesque and surrealism and a nightmare of subcoscious
i like it

lazariuk wrote:maybe the last line could be

being so cunning with my stunt

the first reported use of the juxtaposition of "cunning" and "stunt" in the hope that it will be confused with "stunning" and "cunt" by simple-minded folk was in "The Teenagers' Book of Smutty Playground Rhymes", published in 1924. It's no longer in print but occasionally used copies surface on Amazon.

Lazariuk's post may be the first ever recorded use of this ancient "joke" by anyone over the age of 14.

iveta wrote:looks like grotesque and surrealism and a nightmare of subcoscious
i like it

Hi Iveta - thank you and welcome to the forum.

Lion - Are you suggesting that Jack was being naughty with his comment !!!
I'm going to have to send him off with a card home reporting this misbehaviour.

cate

p.s. Mr. Lion would you mind scanning through and highlighting where my rhythm is off, and no my feelings won't be hurt if you highlight the whole thing, although I think kinda got some kinda beat going.

I get depressed enough at any clichéd writing, but someone of Jack's senior age making a "stunning cunt" "joke" is too much, just too much...

now I think you have gone back and deleted an invite for me to look at your scanning here. you probably realised, as I certainly do, that I know nowt about sonnets but let me read it anyway and make any, hopefully helpful, suggestions.

Wild animals belong on leashes
wrapped tightly round their heads.
They need to be pulled and told where to go
before their appetites are fed.


line 3 above changed the pace from the first 2 but that's fine, however line 4 is now too short


Although you point, you may only follow
behind me is your station.

I am geographically confused about this


Keep your position as we climb the plateau

weird, plateaus are most commonly flat I think you probably meant "gateau" which often have a pile of cream on top
and make sure that you stay at attention.



I'll pull you along while singing my song
to you the Master of the hunt.

purposely ambiguous? who is the Master?

Eventually you'll fall, to your knees down low
praying to feast at my kitchen.

we've been outdoors, but all of a sudden...

I understand you, Cate and love you lots but I don't get this poem and don't love it at all.
you are going to force me to write a parody of this, sorry can't be stopped. give me 10 mins..

here is my rubbish parody, dedicated to the person who puts the "Jack" in "jack off".

it has no merit beyond playing with your words, which went like this

Wild animals belong on leashes
wrapped tightly round their heads.
They need to be pulled and told where to go
before their appetites are fed.

Although you point, you may only follow
behind me is your station.
Keep your position as we climb the plateau
and make sure that you stay at attention.

I'll pull you along while singing my song
to you the Master of the hunt.
Eventually you'll fall, to your knees down low
praying to feast at my kitchen.


Wild animals should be let loose on clichés
The guilty smacked tightly round their heads.
They need to be pulled and told never to write again
Because sensible readers (people like me) are fed up

Although you are pointless, and a very stupid fellow
behind you is your ass (with its own thread)
Lower your position as you sit on the gateau
and cry out your need for attention.

I'll call you a long twat while singing my song
to you the Master of nothing
as you jealously drool, to my knees hangs my tool
washing my feet in the kitchen.

Thanks for giving a once through - it's not a sonnet I was just practicing rhyme and rhythm (which you need for a sonnet) - I don't know if you've ever seen me dance (not likely as I don't think we have lions round here) but I always end up bruised because I bounce into everything. I just wanted you to look at my rhythm. I asked and then I thought oh I'll email instead, and then I saw you here so I put back - (I've had too much caffeine btw)

I understand you, Cate and love you lots but I don't get this poem and don't love it at all.
you are going to force me to write a parody of this, sorry can't be stopped. give me 10 mins..

well it made sense this morning at 5:00 a.m.

I always like when you parody me, but I prefer it when you're teasing me and not Jack because lets face it I'm cuter - sorry Jack not saying your not cute, it's just a fact that I am cuter.

Cate, they passed a Law to stop me dancing,even in private, so you are prob. way better than me.

btw - you have a strange title for your poem. do you remember in another thread when we were discussing body parts, one in particular, and you suggested to keep a tight hold on it. I replied "that's a matter for you"? now here you are putting a bloody leash around it!

Shades of Leonard and Christina Rossetti’s “Goblin Market”, Cate.
“Come buy, come buy!” (or something like that).

...feast at my kitchen

at the alpha and the omega
...and I’m kneeling like one who believes that the blessings come...
iveta says

looks like grotesque and surrealism and a nightmare of subcoscious
i like it

I'm with you iveta. I like it too. She is a tease.
I look forward to the sonnet!

Mephisto

I'm not - he clearly put me in temporary charge of keeping track of that item that kept getting lost. My Mother always said tie a string on something that you don't wish to lose (is that how you spell lose) but a leash seemed more practical to me.

Cate - who one day dreams of being a small dictator.

Cate wrote:I'm not - he clearly put me in temporary charge of keeping track of that item that kept getting lost. My Mother always said tie a string on something that you don't wish to lose (is that how you spell lose) but a leash seemed more practical to me.

Cate - who one day dreams of being a small dictator.

small dictators are small potators, aim higher