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Journey
Posted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 7:49 am
by darleneg
One of my short poems for you to enjoy... or critique.
Journey
vibrating
high
to
low
through a tunnel
passing over or under
dodging
the inner ear waits
as the soul's ladder
intertwining harmony
wrapped within melody
pivoting inner voices
speak
of what nothing else
can speak
recognize
transformation
noted in chords of eternity
leave us
transcended
Re: Journey
Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 5:10 pm
by Manna
WARNING: This post starts with silliness and gets more serious as a function of vertical... (she thinks)... something, I mean going down.
intertwining harmony
wrapped within melody
pivoting inner voices
I take mild issue with this. I am quite sure that the melody is the one who is wrapped in harmony, and that the voices on the inside are the ones who are intertwining, and whoever is singing base is pivoting. The ones on the outside aren't doing anything, except maybe some oohs and ahhs like a subtle choral back-up. I hope that's clear.
ps. I hope you don't take this too personally and get all flumbergasticulated. I'm just playing around. I never know with newish posters. Just because I don't get your poem (it's like a roller coaster ride, you know?), doesn't mean it is merit-less.
I wondered if it was supposed to be a representation of a song as it travels through the ear, up the aural nerve (is that what it's called?) and into the brain where it gets interpretated as music, words - a magical transcendent mixture...? maybe? am I close?