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Apart

I lie still – awake, my hand
where your hand should rest.
Body pressed against yours,
my sheer habitual nature
seeking warmth of any kind.

On another night like this,
you would have woken with me,
but tonight it’s my own hand
that slides from my hip
to bring comfort and sooth
me back to sleep.

but tonight it’s my own hand
that slides from my hip
to bring comfort and sooth
me back to sleep.

"like a fried egg
with my sunny-side up."

You capture the moment
with a touch of melancholy, perhaps?

my sheer habitual nature
seeking warmth of any kind.

"Apart" certainly expresses a sentiment here, Cate.
Good poem!

Matj

"like a fried egg
with my sunny-side up."

he he - yes - but not so sunny

mat james wrote:"Apart" certainly expresses a sentiment here, Cate.
Good poem!

Thanks Mat!

Cate

I don't understand this poem with its strange mixture of food and (sex). I still can't 't bring myself to say that word out aloud in public. Call me a prude perhaps but it's a generational thing, Dear.

Anyway, you show you don't really understnad these things. It's not eggs but tape that brings us together and tape that keeps us apart

Marisha

MarIsha, I'm sorry if they did not have eggs when you were younger, there must have been a shortage of hens and roosters ... (oh.. right the latter's not needed to make eggs, a shortage of hens then) I'm assuming this must have been during the depression - My grandmother was a small girl then - she's told me many stories of how hard it was to grow up during that time.

I think MarIsha that you must have a great deal of courage, to comment here as you have, considering that in your last thread you made it clear that I along with one or two other people were not welcome.

I wish I had more time for you, but I had another poem I wished to post here.

all the best to you

lots of love, hugs and kisses

Cate

==================================================================

this is a visual poem - it's possible the title is a bit long


So, You Only Want to Play With the other Team, See if I Invite You to My Next Slumber Party/Pillow Fight *Marisha


_________________________________________ Humph !



Here's how it should be delivered
the reciter should stand
Arms crossed at chest, hands tucked in
slide weight onto one hip
while tapping the opposite foot.
Toss your head up and to the side.
Use the muscles in your stomach
to push the sound out of your throat.
If you want to be fancy, add a hair filp.


*Any similarities in name to persons on the forum is purely coincidental

Ha!
Now that's a poem! I love it.
as a poem.
not as a blow off to my beloved Great Aunt whose name just happens to be Marisha, no relation to any forum member, current or former.

I laughed out loud, Cate... particularly, with having met you and picturing it all.


[Though I hasten to add a rather-detested "edited" line to say that it's not at all necessary to have met you... ]



~ Lizzy

Cate:

I'm going to approach this as I would a poem in a poetry workshop environment as I see you've expressed an interest for that type of approach. I offer these additions ( ) and deletions [ ] as suggestions only --food for thought and reflection. Needless to say, use or lose as you feel the need. I just think you could squeeze some more from this.

--norm

I lie still – awake, my hand
where your hand should rest.
Body pressed against your (absence),
my sheer habitual nature
[seeking] (spooning) warmth
(from familiar indentations) [of any kind.]

On another night like this,
you would have woken
(with eerie spontaneity) [with me,]
but tonight it’s my own hand
(left to) [that] slide from my hip <--'left' hand maybe introduces awkwardness
(and) bring comfort
sooth(ing) me back to sleep.

yes i liked this poem..........

wish i could be beside you
cause then you would not be still
i would be your spoon
and you could be my hill...........

luv jimbo

lizzytysh wrote:I laughed out loud, Cate... particularly, with having met you and picturing it all.


[Though I hasten to add a rather-detested "edited" line to say that it's not at all necessary to have met you... ]



~ Lizzy

My deep sorrowful self piteous moment made you...
oh - you mean poem 2 (just teasing)

I'm glad if I made you laugh.

Well, I find it helps to have met somebody - when you said you laughed, I imagined it easily as I've seen you laugh.

Manna wrote:Ha!
Now that's a poem! I love it.
as a poem.
not as a blow off to my beloved Great Aunt whose name just happens to be Marisha, no relation to any forum member, current or former.

hehe thanks Manna.

jimbo wrote:yes i liked this poem..........

wish i could be beside you
cause then you would not be still
i would be your spoon
and you could be my hill...........

luv jimbo

Thanks James - I'm glad you liked the poem.
Thank you for yours.
I'm not sure what your implying with your last line though - are you comparing me to a hill? I mean, okay yes - I'm a bit round, but just a bit - maybe I could be a peach, peaches are nice or maybe I could be a kitchen appliance too... say a spatula.

Also I should point out that you probably wouldn't want to be beside me as my husband was still there - he snores and is a terrible blanket thief, you would be comfortable at all.

============================================

Hi Norman - Thanks for all of your suggestions, some things are already popping out at me. I'm going to come back to comment a bit more a little later.

normanball wrote:Cate:

I'm going to approach this as I would a poem in a poetry workshop environment as I see you've expressed an interest for that type of approach. I offer these additions ( ) and deletions [ ] as suggestions only --food for thought and reflection. Needless to say, use or lose as you feel the need. I just think you could squeeze some more from this.

--norm

I lie still – awake, my hand
where your hand should rest.
Body pressed against your (absence),
my sheer habitual nature
[seeking] (spooning) warmth
(from familiar indentations) [of any kind.]

On another night like this,
you would have woken
(with eerie spontaneity) [with me,]
but tonight it’s my own hand
(left to) [that] slide from my hip <--'left' hand maybe introduces awkwardness
(and) bring comfort
sooth(ing) me back to sleep.

I had an emotional reaction when I read your suggestion of familiar indentations - it kind of threw perspective at me like a thump on the head - the man that I was missing was lying beside me and has done for more then 1/2 my life. Indentations, oh man - that's it I'm switching him to veggie burgers again and I'll try not to be so pouty when wandering through the night.

Okay away from my feelings and back to the poem. I think making the bed empty is definitely an idea to play with the other direction I could go is to focus in on how that rhythum between two people can sometimes go out of sinc for a little while.
eerie spontaneity - 'with me' is weak - spontaneous might be good but 'eerie' doesn't fit - nothing eerie about it it's just nature, you sleep close to someone you start breathing together, one person's breathing changes the other is likely notice on some level.
I like the suggestion of left to your right that would add a certain awkwardness that I think wold suit the poem well. I also like adding the ing to sooth, it changes the feel a bit doesn't it.

Thanks again Norm - you've provided lots of good suggestions and given me some things to think about.

Cate

I certainly wasn't trying to manhandle your poem Cate. Invariably some ideas will land like a lead balloon. The workshop mode lets you at least ponder alternate directions --if only to discard them out-of-hand. I'm glad you took them in the spirit they were given.

take care
norm

normanball wrote:I certainly wasn't trying to manhandle your poem Cate.

norm

Manhandle - oh no don't say that you're going to get Marisha all in a tether or feather or ruffled - whatever it is that you say, flustered I guess.

Cate wrote:

normanball wrote:I certainly wasn't trying to manhandle your poem Cate.

norm

Manhandle - oh no don't say that you're going to get Marisha all in a tether or feather or ruffled - whatever it is that you say, flustered I guess.

Calm down, Cate. what do you think the chances are of me coming all over flustered whilst you are around. Ha!

Marisha

I remember that you have mentioned once or twice that you were looking for a special someone.
Below are some dating sites that might be of some help to you.

I'm sure you have a great deal to offer a future partner ... there's .. umm.... well you seem to speak english - lots of people speak english that's good .. and .. you like bowling (although I fear that only because it allows you to touch big round...) and then of course there's .. umm...fdjoutghaotut gioahg

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