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Roundabout....
Your head is spinning and you want to shout
A Dervish religious experience of the most devout
You are crying for Mommy in the shadow of doubt

Spinning....
Not knowing the end or the beginning
A fairytale carousel of the fun and the Innocent grinning
An apple is made ripe and round for the sinning

And the noose snake wrapped around your neck
Before your senses could detect
The hinges of the trap door
The Masonic tiling on the great floor
Or the seductive petticoats of the Great Whore
A smack and a sudden break of the neck
The golden mermaids that inhabited the submerged shipwreck
Drowning in the uncharted seas of the subconscious
You did not hear the warning bells and the conches
Following the escape plan of the genetically modified grape
You managed to metamorphose from the hairs of the great ape
Drew colourful pictures on the darkened cave walls
Started to build mansions with great white halls
Learnt to leave history all behind in the time land
As you played with your castles in the learning sand
No regrets?
These are the sentiments that you respect
No more?
There is no more killing for the Matador
Laid out in costume on the white cosmic slab
Nature did defeat and manage to stab.

Dizzy?
Don't be silly
Playing in the segmented arcs of the circle of life
Cut and prepared by the Magikan's sharp silver knife
No beginning and no end?
Absolution and mutilations are the messages to send

Georges.

Better.... much better in every way... than your previous effort, George...
I think you should scrap that previous effort... it's not art.
"Roundabout" is more the thing...

Jimmy

Thanks for the kind feedback, Jimmy, much appreciated.

Georges.

George
by "kind" do you mean in agreement with what you've written?
I think people have been very kind and restrained about your previous piece of propaganda.
And looking seriously at something and giving it a serious criticism does not make someone's opinion unkind.
It could be that what you wrote was poorly written and that the approach was not working.

As for the present piece - I think the line

"Nature did defeat and manage to stab"

is very weak.

And what does this line mean?

"Absolution and mutilations are the messages to send"

I suspect that some of your lines don't actually mean anything - that they're there simply to rhyme and/or shock.

Fair Point, red poppy.

Georges.

Georges....with the superstars of yesteryear now in comfortable retirement, I am afraid you may have now become the official villain of the forum....take it easy! (I didnt have the guts to post on the other thread!)

Goodness Kush,
A villain of the forum. I'd better compose some more suitable poetry to fit the occasion.
Best Wishes.

Georges.

Well, Kush, it would be interesting to hear your take on the piece in question - literary, political, humanitarian, sexual - whatever. Or do you not have an opinion? Or do you not really care what was written once you get the chance to stir the pot?
Answers please on a postcard!
George - I think composing any poetry (as opposed to what you purport to be a poem in Little Girl) would be a start!

Please post me postcards from the edge......

Georges.

Yes it would be, dear Red.

"A woman who desexualises a man
Is either horrible or has some twisted game plan
Lack of understanding of the importance of duality
Now you are insane or part of her insanity"

For someone who prides himself, on other threads, on being able to carry on a discussion, you're silence here, coupled with you're earlier post, suggest agreement with the sentiments of George's piece - perhaps you assume the girls to be Iraqui or Iranian, Kush, in which case anything goes.

Hi Rememberance day,
Stop hijacking this thread to discuss Little Girl, it belongs in the other thread. This piece is to discuss Roundabout and please now do an about turn to Little Girl. If I am to be a villain, I may as well be nasty. You should also refrain from attacking contributers to this thread, it's not cricket, not even Iranian Cricket. Any further indiscressions will be reported to the Thought Police.

Georges.

George,
I thought you wanted to write.
If you simply want to be a villain go and wank in the park at lunchtime............here we go again!

Actually, it's a serious suggestion, George, about the writing I mean.
If you want your work to be taken seriously you have to take it seriously first.

Dear red poppy,
Not adverse to a bit of wan*ing, but not in the park. I like the serious bit though......

Georges.