Page 1 of 1
last night a dream
Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2003 11:29 pm
by heatherly
where were we
when the music
-stopped
the stage was dark
and barren
and you were young
and fat!
in fact
it wasn't you at all
in some trendy hawaiian shirt
(was that ever trendy?)
some leftover remnant
of a trip in someone else's clothes
we sat sleeping in the dark odeon
loafing in seats like lazyboys
-most were empty
our tickets for the back row
why didn't we move forward
and cheer for your
half-hearted serenade?
where is this dimly lit room
where music has died
and time has slipped past us
with our sleepy lives
not even surprised
you left the stage
we stared on in agony
having missed our final chance
without ever leaving our easy chairs
Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2003 12:21 pm
by magneticcry
it`s cut,but also depressing...is this a description of your real-life experience? (methaphorically)...or is it just a "made-up" emotion of something?
(i hope you don`t mind my asking
Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2003 7:15 pm
by heatherly
its an actual dream i had.... quite haunting
Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2003 1:37 pm
by m
this is an excellent poem. only a very special person could have had a dream like this.
Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2003 4:28 pm
by heatherly
why thank you m...hehehehe
Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2003 5:05 pm
by Heretic
The stuff between the lines is always far more interesting.
Lovely item on the BBC site yesterday.
Football teams and their pre-season tours.
Barnet FC went all the way to their managers house in Maidenhead.
They even cleaned up after themselves.
Nice bunch of lads.
No idea why i even mention this.
Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2003 10:03 pm
by magneticcry
well,it sure is a bit haunting,but in a poem it doesn`t sound that terrifying i guess...but in a dream,brr...
Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2003 11:49 pm
by heatherly
you know, i do believe i have heard quite a bit about those Barnet boys....hmmm... funny
Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2003 2:16 am
by lizzytysh
Hi heatherly ~
This is the part that I can imagine waking from, with feelings of deep sadness and loss:
"why didn't we move forward
and cheer for your
half-hearted serenade?
where is this dimly lit room
where music has died
and time has slipped past us
with our sleepy lives
not even surprised
you left the stage
we stared on in agony
having missed our final chance"
~ Elizabeth
Posted: Sun Jul 27, 2003 7:37 pm
by heatherly
Thanks Elizabeth! Less is definitely often more. I like your edits.
Heather
Posted: Sun Jul 27, 2003 9:57 pm
by lizzytysh
Oh dear, heatherly! I didn't
mean it as an
Edit. I was just selecting the section I was particularly struck by
!
~ Elizabeth
Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2003 4:40 am
by heatherly
maybe edit wasn't the best word. i like how you removed the context of the beginning of my dream. i was going for the complete visual effect as i remembered it. without it, the sentiment stands out more, so i appreciate seeing it that way.
Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2003 4:56 am
by lizzytysh
Ahh, okay, yes.....I agree with you on that. The sentiment has a metaphorical universality, as well.