leonardcohenforum.com

Who's In Charge?

Slapping me smartly on the thigh
she said: "Why, come on now tell me why?"
"I really can't say,honest," said I.
Again, she asked bluntly: "Tell me why?"
"I really don't know and that is true."
She said: "Sorry, old chap, that simply won't do,
you must at least have some kind of clue?.
"Could it be it's because I always pay you?"
"Now you've got it, you've got it just right,
aren't you the brightest of the bright?"
Her whip came down stinging but light.
Four hundred smackers it cost for the night!

William -

We have met a whip wielder before in your Ringmaster poem "while clenching the whip so tight in his hand."
I thought this worked OK until the last line.
S&M being essentially a matter of role playing (a sort of theatrical activity) you tried to show us this.
You needed an 'ite' sound for the final line but your choice spoiled the mood. What about 'bite', 'excite', 'appetite', 'skintight'?
I think you're only playing with the reader. Your heart's not really in it.
Could do much better with a bit of imagination.

PS.
Had I suspected such an inclination I might have made a different pitch for the backstage babe role. Alas hindsight (another 'ite') .......

S & M - Good heavens. Did I give that impression.

I was writing about hiring a dress-suit (as you people say) for an event to which I'd been invited.

The lady who services my needs in that department always refers to her measuring tape as her whip.

I do apologise for giving the wrong impression but, in that light, I actually like the last line with its financial/sexual double entendre.

And yes I'm sure you were sorry to miss the backstage pass but I treasure the photographs you and the other women sent.

S & M - perish the thought!

How cleverly you roped me in there, William.
You are not to be truss-ted