should lesbians adopt children?

[Tchocolatl]

Yap! Paula and Ep. I also tend to agree with this : there is no such thing as a normal family, the nest could be enough nurturing or not and that is all.

Sandra, you are comforting my "theory" about the society's weight on an individual. I mean, the real problem : was it the kind of family you had or the kind of society that were blaming you just for being different (and how caring such a society is for innocent children?)

Like Byron said :

One day, the question we have been asked here, will be looked back on with a disbelief that such a question even needed to be asked. We think we are civilised but we are only going through the motions.
Regards. Byron.

Sandra I just hope you do not continue to suffer about this.

[Sandra]

Yes, you are right......

[lizzytysh]

I agree that society and its 'expectations,' not the family [where love is freely given and values are taught] 'composition,' is the problem. Sandra ~ how did you feel about yourself, your family, and your place in the world, before your peers starting asking their questions?

~ Lizzy

[Sandra]

Lizzy...I live in a very prejudiced society, in my region the culture has been like that for many years. I cannot make a line between before and after they ask......

[lizzytysh]

Are you saying that you were self-judging already, Sandra? Do you recall what your initial, visceral reaction was when they first started asking? Like a knot in your stomach, and maybe a feeling of, "What difference does it make where my mom and dad are [...etc.]?"

[Sandra]

it´s not use to talk about my personal experience Lizzy , the thing was that the situation I lived was only my personal experience and cannot be taken as reference for all other children experiences when having "different families model", it was just one more....

[Epurcelly]

This is tricky. It seems to me that the "parents" of a so-called "abnormal" family must educate the children, (or victims, depending on who you talk to...) as too what sort of adverse reactions they may encounter in a sometimes backwards society; the state of mind of some people.
But I do not know... I am asking.

[lizzytysh]

I agree, Ep. In some cultures, though, I thought extended family as your nuclear family wasn't considered an oddity.

[Epurcelly]

It is certainly not odd in the US. I was back to thinking about lesbians adobting children... I would hope that is not odd in the US either, but again, I don't know...

[bee]

Thoco, thank u darling for a compliment, I was busy coupla days, I think I do understand what u mean- sometimes feels uncomfortable to speak what one realy thinks, because of the pressure not to contradict the majority, can get one in big trouble Many times i feel tempted to do just that, sortta urge of provocation (when one tastes too much syrup over the pancakes, one wants to put some lemon juice)
About the lesbians adopting childer,- why not, but the case what Sandra is talking about, is more just like she said- it is a very particular matter. I think if a women becomes mother, that is her priority over everything else. So if she splits with her husband, it is better to take care of the childer and not to run after a new "life&love" no matter women or man lover or whatever. Rise your children and when they are ok and grown, than u can be a lesbian or a nun, no matter what. When the women becomes mother, that is who she is forever. It is not to be taken as a temprorary thing , even more, in this particular case- the children are so small. what was she thinking few years ago while giving birth to these children- was she already thinking of her lesbian lover? I would give the kids to the father, at least he wants to take care of them without a gay lover (as far as we know) and keeps his commitment. I could be wrong, it juss my personal feeling about that.

[Sandra]

It seems to me that the "parents" of a so-called "abnormal" family must educate the children, (or victims, depending on who you talk to...) as too what sort of adverse reactions they may encounter in a sometimes backwards society; the state of mind of some people.

Yes, that is exactly what must be done Epurcelly ......

I think if a women becomes mother, that is her priority over everything else. So if she splits with her husband, it is better to take care of the childer and not to run after a new "life&love" no matter women or man lover or whatever..............

Yes, that is what I wanted to hear bee

[Anne]

The is the most retro thread.

She is the mother. They are her kids. Why does it matter who she sleeps with? The father should be involved, too. of course. The idea of taking away parental rights because of sexual preference is insane.

[Sandra]

nobody is taking away parental rights. there are two options here. the girls may live with the lesbian mother or with the heterosexual father
Who would you choose?
I think it is healthier for the girls the heterosexual father.
there are things that do not change and cant be retro they just remain in the time as wiser......there will always be better alternatives than others

[bee]

Anne, when u are a mother with 3 children, u are not busy deciding who to sleep with, rather thinking if your children sleep well, if u'v tacked them in, read books to them, took care of the every need there is. It is a lot of work, and a lot of love to be given. That is life, children don't grow as a grass, let the rain take care of them. Yes, everybody has need for love, sex etc. but, the but comes when u have that little one, his well being depends on~ what u do. It is called sacrifice, when u have to give up something u desire. Only love can do it. My child is more than any romantic love&sex would ever be.
It has nothing to do with retro or what ever, mothers feel that way, I do

[Epurcelly]

Again, and I will not YELL this time: you do not chose whether you would like to be gay or not.
Bee, the way that you phrase your words, it would be possible to insert drug addict for lesbian. I get what you mean but, well I don't know...