Heroes.

linda_lakeside · Post by **linda_lakeside** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 9:40 am

That was six beers SWITZ. I counted.

Andrew McGeever · Post by **Andrew McGeever** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 11:58 am

People, calling all people!!
Beware!
A triad of drunken North American women are on the rampage!
They specialise in HI-JACKING poetry (the more serious the better), and rip it mercilessly to pieces during one of their bacchanalian orgies.
They employ a secret code to communicate with each other, but I've cracked it:
DB1 stands for "Drunken broad 1"
DB2 stands for "Drunken broad 2"
I'm still working on the meaning of "DB3".
That's all for now, people......my doorbell has just rung

More shocking revelations may follow

Andrew.

Byron · Post by **Byron** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 12:11 pm

Drunken broads have all the compassion of the bloke what I heretofore refer to now, "Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?"

Andrew McGeever · Post by **Andrew McGeever** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 12:26 pm

Byron,
It's called "taking the pith"!!

Andrew.

P.S. I once asked a woman why she had a steel bolt through her tongue: she replied "itth to enhanth thexual thtimulation". (I kid you not!)

linda_lakeside · Post by **linda_lakeside** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 12:29 pm

I'm still working on the meaning of "DB3".

DB3 is, indeed, a tough nut to crack. Best of luck!!

Linda.

Andrew McGeever · Post by **Andrew McGeever** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 1:36 pm

People, calling all people!
An update on the current situation:
The three aforementioned libertines get so regularly legless that they have to employ a chauffeur, who is on-call 24/7, to drive them home. Since they are scattered (in more ways than one) throughout the North American subcontinent, this involves seriously long journeys. This poor unfortunate goes under the name of SWITZ, but I don't believe that's his real name: well, would you reveal your real name if you had a job like that?
I'm still working on "DB3", more of a walnut than a peanut.
More shocking revelations may follow

Andrew.

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 3:37 pm

Oh, G~~~~~~~~D, he'th onto uth ~ hit it, THWITTH! And, DB3 ~ Grab that poem and hide it! If they thee it, we're done for! He hathn't figured you out, yet; tho you may have to cover for the retht of uth!

Did you thee what that Byron boy wrote?

That'th true! Linguitht'th cruel thenthe of humour. And thothe typeth that Andrew hangth out with

Now there'th a poem-in-the-making worth hijacking

.

Whatever happenth, DB3, do NOT blow your cover! We need you, girl. And, TWITTH, if you're gonna hang with the big dogth, you gotta learn to count.

Where'th DB1!?!?!?! Thhe thaid thhe wanted an umbrella, but I didn't think thhe meant to Mary Poppinth herthelf with it

! Ith that what thhe wanted batterieth for? Hath anybody theen her?

DB3 ~ Thinthe you're the one he'th not thure of yet, can you tell that Andrew not to be inthulting our driver!?! He'th our driver, and ourth to inthult! And TWHITTH ~ with thith fathing wetht thing ~ deal with it!

Are there any dentithtth in Thtonehenge? I can't go on like thith.

linda_lakeside · Post by **linda_lakeside** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 8:45 pm

Lithy, thop ith. Lizzy, stop it. We've got to get you some teeth, girl, you're making me crazy. Now, I'm more of a coconut than a walnut. And yeth, Thwith, geez, yes, Switz is ours. I've got the pome. Switz!! Get thith, this DB2, to the neareth, nearest dendith.

I didn't know broken teeth were contagious..

To Stonehendge!! After the dendith, oh, never mind, Switz, just DRIVE!!

I don't know where that DB1 went to. Hmmm. Batteries, laptop...could thee be in cahooth with ... DRIVE!!! Thomthingth up!

LaurieAK · Post by **LaurieAK** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 10:04 pm

OY~ why didn't anyone wake me up!!!! No wait, i know...I would have diluted the beer supply. So now I have an imprint on my face of the netting used to hold the cargo down in this rig and have had to use the 'ladies room' while hanging my arse out the back door while my 2 unsteady companions assure me they will 'not let go of me.' Needless to say, since i am writing this, i did survive the one handed slip by the lisping DB2. No worries, eventually she too will have to 'go' and i will be there to 'help.'

Last time i looked, there was a parking lot to the side of Stonehenge. And English ingenuity put it on the down low-side so it does not compete with the overall ambiance of the tourist attraction that those rocks have come to represent. I have a coffee cup on my fridge at home to prove there is nothing too grand or esoteric that it cannot be exploited!! good ole human-kind.

So i understand that DB3 has some reeeal good blackmail material on this SWITZ character. That's wot got him to agree to be our chauffeur in the first place. I will leave it up to those two to spill the beans if they wish.

I am not sure who this Andrew fella is?? Why is he trying to hijack our thread with a poem?!? Serious fellow from wot i can tell. He should join us for a beer and watch the sunrise (or is it setting by now?) with us.

i'm hungry....let's stop for bangersnmash...SWITZ!! find us a pub for some grub....hahaha...OH, i almost forgot! DB2 fuggedaboot the toof thingy. you'll want to wait to get back home to get that fixed. reason? two words: austin powers. i'll say no more (bay-bee)

linda_lakeside · Post by **linda_lakeside** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 10:15 pm

Ha! That's the first good idea I've heard all day! Right now, DB1, from where I sit, it's looking pretty bleak!

Here, DB1, take these documents, and don't lose them! I have to find Robert Langdon. This coconut's gotta roll....

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 11:21 pm

'Bout time you thowed up, netfathe. Tho! I can jutht wait till I get back about my broken tooth, eh? Ohhhhhhh, no! Authtin Powerth or bay-bee, I don't care, I wanna talk like the retht of you. THWITTH needth to cooperate with me cuth he'th the one wot applied the braketh in an untheemly manner, and left me lithping.

Yeah, wot ith thith with thith Andrew bloke and that hithtorical pome wot beginth our thread, anyway. How did he know we were on our way here, anywayth? Ith there a thpy aboard? THWITTH ~ are you to be truthted?

Oh my, DB1, you may have committed yourthelf to more than you had in mind, if you want to athitht me every time. Thtand by.

DB3 aka Coconut ~ I'm hungry, too. Thee what you can do with thith THWITTH bugger ~ I'm thure you can get 'im to thtop thomewhere. Can you get me thomething To Go ~ and check the phone book for a dentitht while you're waiting for the food? I jutht don't wanna go in lookin' like thith. I'm thure you underthtand.

Wot happened with Authtin Powerth, anyway? Thothe Englith are tho proper, aren't they? Good to know that Thtonehenge thtill lookth uncommerthial, anyway.

Meanwhile, you're right, DB1 ~ Thith Andrew fella hath got to jutht have a beer with uth [preferably a Mythoth] and thtop being theriouth for a minute.

~ DB2

LaurieAK · Post by **LaurieAK** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 1:09 am

In the year since this episode took place:

The motley crew did make it to a pub for bangersnmash. Turned out everything on the pub's menu was already in a soft enough state to accomodate DB2's bwoken toof. We were relieved that no speical orders or pre-chewed food was necessary.

Stonehenge is still there, and Barely damaged after we left. So those accusations in the newspapers were exaggerated, terribly.

SWITZ, chose not to eat that day. He preferred watching, instead

He has since opened up a peek show in his hometown of Whatchalookinat, Wisconsin. I hear his main attraction is a little filly named, Coco, who, rumor has it he met on an trip to England....

DB3, after a brief bit of confusion in thinking she was locked in the middle of a real-life 'DaVinci Code' saga, disappeared. I heard she changed her name to something to do with a food. Can't remember what it was...

DB2 did get her toof fixed in England, fell in love with the dentist and is now living raising sheep next to James Herriot's olde farm in ye Yorkshire's. She spins her own wool and knits shawls with the likeness' of Leonard Cohen on them and sells them at craft faires. It is rumoured that LC himself has one. At least that is what she tells everyone.

Andrew, after wrestling his historic and near perfect poem from the band of DB's has gone on to publish a book of poetry and has won a Pulitzer prize. When asked about the 'beer truck episode,' he shakes his head and refuses to speak of it. In most cases getting up and leaving the press conference after the subject has been brought up.

DB1~ is still looking for that shoe....

Addendum: Byron's psychologically damaged bear(?) was institutionalized for six, long months before his ego was healed enough to re-enter the free world. Byron is considering suing DB2 for damages.

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 3:52 am

What a lovely ending to the saga

! You but forgot to mention one thing ~ DB2, whilst living in Yorkshire, now makes regular trips to Hydra for enjoying the island, as well as Mythos at the Roloi. Byron, whilst considering suing her, has so far had trouble figuring out where she might be at any given time, between Yorkshire, faires, and Hydra, to have her served with papers. He's begun to consider more seriously to forgive and forget. Meanwhile, I miss Coco and hope she's doing well.

linda_lakeside · Post by **linda_lakeside** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 4:13 am

SWITZ, I've already done 11 shows...please, can I have a coffee break?

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 4:22 am

DB1 forgot to mention that DB3 still has her own, autographed, first edition copy of Andrew's book of poetry. She reads it on her breaks from the shows. Andrew, lovely chap that he is, signed and gave one to each of DBs.