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Since you've directly asked, at this point [beyond Monday], with regard to it, in particular, I'll tell you.

I wrote "It Doesn't Matter Anymore," Charles. I was hoping for a serious [stylistic] critique of it from Critic2 , before I identified it as mine. However, he seems to have stopped doing that on all of the poems , as I'd thought he was going to be doing. I've already gotten your opinion on it ~ but still welcome any further comments from you as to why you don't particularly like it .

My original comment here on it ~ regarding its lacking 'hope' being a concern for me ~ is true. Prior to submitting it, I felt it probably ought to have at least an element of it [just as 'they' say that in fiction and in films, it's necessary that the antagonist be given some redeeming quality for the reader/audience to identify with [in some way] and be able to 'root' for his redemption, or whatever. I felt that there must be some kind of similar rule, in the writing of poetry, that I was clearly violating. However, as I came to a close with the poem, I wasn't feeling any hope. The 'precipitating,' real-life encounter from 32+ years ago, upon which it was loosely based, also left me with a feeling of hopelessness. So, rearranging it, otherwise, would have been gratuitous, all the way around.

By a loooooong shot, I did not expect it to even 'place,' much less win . Its being positively commented upon by Laurie, from the perspective of that which was 'troubling' to me, was ironic. I have been more than prepared to accept constructive criticism on it.

~ Elizabeth

It's at the beginning of this thread, Martine .

still on its way, L!

Good ! Thanks ! I have no qualms about the term "Beginner's luck" ~ and welcome critiques that can be found hanging out in the realm of constructive criticism.....those are the objective critters.

Now, I only wish you'd been continuing on the others, so I'd known your critiqueing hadn't been abandoned. In other words, wish I'd waited . However, those direct questions [Charles ], posed within a respectable timeframe, are compelling.

Hi Elizabeth,
I haven't been here for a certain time so didn't know you've already revealed yourself. My "official" congratulations ! [And you're already aware of my opinion with respect to hope and hopelessness in your poem ]

Lizzytysh!

Hooray! Critic2 and Lizzytysh are equal poets. They are both on the same grand scale. Congratulations! To the both of you!

You're just a few moments too late, Helven. If Charles hadn't so directly ~ just one sentence even ~ asked, I'd have waited. Yes, thank you for that official congratulations. You're right that I already do have your input regarding those rules, and it may simply be that you're right. However, I'm still open on it. If it weren't such a big deal [from what I've been able to gather] in literature and film, I wouldn't make a big deal of it myself.

Paula ~ If you'd have as tenaciously gone into a guessing game with me behind the scenes, as Helven did, I'd have told you privately, as well. She was unbelievably relentless, devising all sorts of approaches for narrowing it down as to which was mine.

Now ~ Charles! It's fine to be " " ~ however, when it comes to equating one with another, one ~ first and foremost ~ must look for consistency! One poem don't get it ! And when it comes to a person's application of the term "great," it should not follow one's earlier comment that they didn't really care for it . Thank you for your congratulations, however . Now, on to the specifics of why you don't like it . Thanks !

~ Lizzy

Lizzytysh--I'm still working on it but I couldn't wait---(Not that it matters!)--here are a few comments to whet your appetite.

First floor gets used
Only to pay the rents;
Toilet in hall closet there,
Closed to all those who do

I've seen that toilet---nay, I've been in that toilet!...doing!

Silver on the mirror,
Now faded to dust and shadows.
Temporary filth, long ago,
Found its way
Deep inside.

There's nothing quite so horrible as temporary filth!

Dresser with burned memories
Of cigarettes long forgotten;
The change amidst old papers,
Neither matter anymore.

So true! But then nothing does!

The glass, half full
Of dirty water;
With wisps of blood,
Dilutes to cloudy gray.

Lizzytysh, I just knew it...you're an optimist!


Single mattress,
Partly covered,
Brownish sheet that drags the floor.

Oh, Would that mattress were a double! And would that you and I...but no...that can never be!

Grope down, through stench-worn socks,
Grasp cracked saucer of stale filters,
And make room for just one more.

There's always room for just one more!

Amidst the ashes,
Try a cigarette;
Then, who knows, maybe some rest.

Very good...but it would be better if you had said, "Then, who knows, maybe some crack"!

The daylight hours,
Bring sparse refuge;
Smoke-stained windows,
that don’t matter,
Just don't matter,
Anymore.

"Whole lot of smoking going on!" -- Jerry Lee Lewis

Bare, bruised, knotted arms,
Hands dirty, blacker nails;
Reach beneath to scratch in places,
Where underwear,
Ceased to be, long ago.

A poem with ass-scratching---Splendid!

Visions of life,
Sought and lost in cloudy water;
Can only wonder now.

Will the rent this day,
this week, this month
Bring to close,
The lifetime that ended
In a seedy hotel.

Of course not!!!

My darling, my co-Poet Laureate---I'm very nearly speechless. Your poem is as excellent as mine.

More anon.

Glory-Hog ~ That'll tide me over. Thanks !

~ Lizzy

Lizzie

I am over the moon for you. Does this mean you will continue writing?

I couldn't be more pleased. Well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lizzy~

I was soo surprised when i read that you entered the contest.....
NOW, i see you are the co-grand prizer!

I'm just tickled. Who'da thought the girl who uses smiley faces like they grow on trees wrote that great, redemption-less poem.

Congrats! Hope you keep writing.

cheers,
Laurie

Thank you SO much, Paula and Laurie ~














___________ ___________


Thank you for your decision, Laurie ~ I was stunned when you PM'd me with it. Shocked to see mine ~ yet relieved when you said "I'm dug in;" settled my quandary of "Do I argue against myself?" What kind of input would/should I give? "Good decision"? Or, "Well, I think you ought to replace that one with......."? There's more beneath them thar smiles than may, at first, be apparent . The way you expressed your thoughts in your "Who'da thought....." sentence, and in your Judging comments, make it all the more special !

Thank you, Paula ~ Our early history dictates a certain, special thank-you for your being "over the moon" for me ! Well, Laurie, too, in a way ~ but still not the same. Don't you love how life works itself out ?

I need to clarify that I did not tell Helven which was mine. She guessed it; after her own lengthy [undisclosed] process of elimination based on whatever [also undisclosed] criteria, she gave me a short list, pleading that I confirm or deny if mine was on it. From that confirmation, she shortened it even more; and then she just nailed it ~ and I had to admit. I'm still trying to pull the one out of the list of three [but I had an advantage of being able to eliminate certain ones right off the top, due to knowing who they were from!] that's hers .

Thank you, both [and Helven, too ]. Your words are very special to me.

Love,
Elizabeth

Paula and Laurie ~

I know when to retire .

Oh ~ how ironic ~ I just returning returned to say that if one of you are around for my eulogy, you can add, "She had a very brief ~ but glorious ~ career as a poet." Upon returning, I noticed that my posting time on this one is 11:46 PM. My birthtime was 11:46 AM, and here I come to speak of eulogies .

~ Lizzy

Dear Laurie ~

I had planned to do a thread to you [or find the thread the one where you talked about it] to wish you well for your meeting tomorrow morning. I hadn't seen you here the past couple days, so I figured you may have been planning for it ~ and then here you were!

So, good luck to you . I know how stressing it's got to be, and I hope that you've gotten to feeling better. You need all your physical/hence, mental resources for a meeting like that. I hope it has a 'good' outcome. If not, there's a reason 'out there' for that, too.

Love,
Elizabeth

Regarding my poem, even if it wasn't any good, at least it was redemption-less !

Hi Lizz~

My meeting was last Friday, the day before i 'judged' the poems. Actually i 'teleconferenced' and was "thanked" for staying home after coughing my way through an hour and an half of discussion. As it goes, i am still waiting to hear from the contracting officer at the State regarding the item that has me hung up as to whether or not we will be re-bidding on 'my job.'

I'll pm you as to the outcome.

regards,
L