Good Night Smokey troll

Byron · Post by **Byron** » Tue Dec 14, 2004 10:15 pm

For those poor, miserable souls wot live across the pond, I have to draw your wearied eyeballs to the following fact; when you 'ave read the nub/hub/kernal of this 'ere posting, the scales will fall from your eyes, and the performances, physical and mental, of the legal fraternity will take on a different hue, as you remember their antics in this forum and on previous appearances. So, to the point, barristers when collected together and huddled in their dimly lit alcoves, are said to be 'in chambers,' but all and sundry (what ever happened to her?) refer to them as being part of a 'stable.' (Think stallion; think mare; think dirty thoughts!)
On another tack (puns on agressive behaviour, angels on heads of pins and sailing across the pond, being fully intended) the best description I heard for a collection of barristers (not solicitors) was 'a quarrel of barristers.'
Mr C., are you 'Head of C,' and therefore responsible for the pastoral care of all those unfortunate scribblers and slaves to value added taxations? If this be the case, I can only commend young michael to your better nature and pray give him the wisdom of your years and the back of your hand. The lad needs some slight encouragement and the dextrous use of some brief shuffling will bring him to heel.

A week or two of 'handling' pleas will greatly concentrate his wandering thoughts. He will return eager and ready for the fray, with enough ackers to keep even the meanest bar clerk happy.

Byron · Post by **Byron** » Tue Dec 14, 2004 10:26 pm

Horror, ignore the final part of that last sentence (as the judge said to the actress) it was a total aberration on my part. Such a quest is beyond the ken of any right-minded lawyer, barrister or solicitor both.

Sackcloth and ashes for me and no tea...........

linda_lakeside · Post by **linda_lakeside** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:18 am

Alland Sundry?

Critic2 · Post by **Critic2** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 10:49 pm

linda_lakeside wrote:Alland Sundry?

Allonsanfan.

I have decided to buy dvd's of all the great foreign films I have seen over the years. This is one. This is not available in the right format. This is a bummer.

linda_lakeside · Post by **linda_lakeside** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 11:43 pm

I am staying right where I am until I untangle this thread.

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 11:55 pm

~ I love it, Linda

.

Byron · Post by **Byron** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 12:13 am

Alland was a young lady who worked in the council offices at Pratts Bottom. Her waspish sense of humour (it looks a lot better with the 'u' in there) and flirtatious manner, got her into a few scrapes with her colleagues. The Deputy Director of Road Safety Assignments for Children (i/c lollipop ladies) directed (it was part of his job title after all) that Alland be given every opportunity, to prove her worth in the council departments.
Some 3 months later, when a full and comprehensive report was presented to the Deputy Direc.... (you know who he is by now) he realised just how important Alland was to the morale of the staff. The Report, in part, read.....

Ms Sundry has been tried in every position in the office and has been found to be best on the counter....

It was shortly after the Report was published, that the Deputy bloke failed to attend work and his wife never saw him again. Strangely enough, Ms Sundry also left her employment and began a career in modelling office furniture. It was years later when the Deputy chap was seen in Amsterdam by an old workmate, in the Red Light District, that the truth emerged. He had run away with the author of the Report, who was a right old slapper, wot 'swung' all over the place. But they seemed to be very happy together. In fact the exDeputy had been for counselling (little twist in spelling and meaning creeps in) and had discovered that he was a lesbian trapped in a man's body and had changed his name to Tedward Izzard.
HTH linda_splashside.

'Raise The Red Lantern' is a very good filum to watch. It's foreign as well.

Being totally serious for a mo....... well almost...

http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0069690/combined

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 12:34 am

"Ms Sundry has been tried in every position in the office and has been found to be best on the counter...."

There are occasions when my humour knows best, for itself, what it finds funny.

Byron · Post by **Byron** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 12:45 am

Elizabeth, Ms Sundry may be fictional, but the report as quoted, was a genuine piece from one written about 50 years ago, by an office manager, in the City Treasurer's Department of Liverpool City Council. It was used to educate new management staff in the pitfalls of the written word. My old boss, who had previously worked in the Town Clerk's Personnel Department, had a copy of the actual report.
He had others, including a real howler from the Manager of the Cemeteries Department.

On a personal note, before my old boss retired a few years ago, he received an MBE from the Queen for services to the Crown Prosecution Service.

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 12:55 am

Well, do share that one, if you have or can access it. My sense of humour anxiously awaits your reply. Fifty years ago, eh?

I guess things haven't changed so much.

MBE?

Crown Prosecution Service? As it sounds?

Byron · Post by **Byron** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 1:17 am

Member of The British Empire. Like the Order of The British Empire that the Beatles got. He went to the Palace and had to step forward to be presented with the medal by Her Majesty herself. The whole event was videoed and it cost him about 70GBP for a video of the ceremony. A very proud man at the end of that day. His wife got to buy a new outfit and was in the audience to watch him get his 'gong,' as he calls it. There were other people there receiving awards for services to the community etc. It was the same sort of ceremony as the one when people like Sean Connery, Elton John, etc., are made Knights and become Sir Elton John.

Crown Prosecution Service is similar to your District Attorneys Office. They collect, collate and prepare the evidence for courts, that the police provide and then go to court to stand before magistrates or Judges to prosecute criminals. The CPS has its own solicitors for magistrates courts and they 'instruct' counsel (barristers) to prosecute on their behalf in the Crown Courts. The Crown Courts hear the more serious cases such as arson, rape, murder and the like.

Critic2 · Post by **Critic2** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 9:45 am

Byron wrote:Member of The British Empire. Like the Order of The British Empire that the Beatles got.

It is with considerable temerity that I dare to correct the former Lord Chief Justice Byron. But as my dear Dad was a Commander of the Order of the British Empire I do know that MBE is Member of the Order of the British Empire and OBE (real pub quiz question this one) is Officer of the Order of the British Empire.

with all due respect

Sir Critic2

tom.d.stiller · Post by **tom.d.stiller** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 9:53 am

and with a formal sword the empire strikes back

such a d. such a light. oh what a night.

Byron · Post by **Byron** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 11:36 am

Dear Sir Critic II, it is wiv 'umble obeiscience, that this poor wretch lays hiself at the foots of the those wot know better than 'im.

International aggravated assault is afoot and in the heavens. I need my trusty lazer sword of light and freedom, to defend my lord's fief. I lost it whilst propped against the bar and wondered if I can borrow someone else's?

Critic2 · Post by **Critic2** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 11:52 am

Byron wrote: I lost it whilst propped against the bar

not the old "I lost my sword whilst it was propped up against the bar" excuse. you are a bad, bad man.

I don't know if anyone here has a spare weapon to lend you but I did see a limp smokey sausage somewhere around earlier.