leonardcohenforum.com

Posted: **Wed Aug 03, 2011 10:37 pm**

Hi V.
Yikes! Sorry to hear about your leg accident (it is probably symbolic of your going-where-others-fear-to-tread style) (pretty sure...) (...as you would say).

Your Amy Winehouse post offers some strong food for thought. Having been nicknamed Captain Caution, I admire your fearless delving into taboo subjects.

XO

Posted: **Thu Aug 04, 2011 1:40 am**

.. oh.. well, at least my "war" injury is symbolic. [better than its just being a token of my klutziness]

.. yeah, well, on the Winehouse front, if you'd just been delving into the same material as I have, you'd be fairly skeptical about such things as well, Captain Caution. [maybe we should call you C.C. now]

.. oh, speaking of.. ANOTHER odd thing was that, in the initial reporting of the incident, Winehouse's spokesperson would NOT confirm the death as even being Winehouse, according to the Associated Press, I believe it was. [????] Of course, the A.P. didn't say WHY that was. Anyway, this had me half waiting to hear in a later report that it WASN'T Amy Winehouse, after all.. [a la Jim Morrison, you might say] [uhh, whose death is still an open case to some]

.. anyway, hope all is well with you, I.F.. It's a miserable rainy day here.. [too far north of Gotham].. [xx]

.. Leonard.. (my beloved).. here's a blast from the past, as per my research.. [as you can see, I'm back on the Strip]..

.. but first.. that special little kiss.. x.. (with all the longing that goes with it.. on this very dreary day).. (my love)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zv85y08a ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x.. xx x x.. xx x x.. xx..

Posted: **Fri Aug 05, 2011 5:41 am**

.. Leonard, my love.. I'm a bit melancholy today, and yet I've not been giving in to it. [too much work to do, after all]

.. anyway, our little lake this evening was quite lovely. Rather still, like glass. And there was reflected in it just the sweetest blue sky with painterly clouds.. and so all was well on that side of paradise.

.. as to property signs, I've been noting a theme:

Dances with Bears

and

Call of the Wild

which had me thinking: be careful what you wish for. After all, it wasn't that long ago on this thread that I disclosed the hazards of keeping a chimp as a house pet--and that's seemingly a "domesticated" situation. I mean, these property signs are just asking for trouble, in my opinion. [or, in other words, it's pretty wild up here, don't you know]

.. actually.. I've been realizing that--well, like anything else, I guess.. there's an art to naming one's property. I mean: Branching Out [??] [how long did they contemplate that one, I wonder].. oh, and Sweet Dreams [??].. uh.. better, maybe.. but, still I'm left rather underwhelmed. Oh, yeah.. [another wise guy residence]: Forget About It.. only, again: be careful what you wish for..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDsL88XlFn8
FULL SCREEN..

[notice how this somehow combines the earlier chimp material with the

[oh, never mind] [by the way, fellas: you got the wrong theme song on that one] [geez]

.. anyway, my love.. I must be close to losing it right about now, as that puppet piece just had me laughing to the point of tears. [I own that it might not even be all that funny, but it just struck me that way tonight] [later note: I take that back. I just looked at it again, and it had the same effect on me] [though I still I own that I may be losing it]

.. allright, well.. I'm off to Gotham tomorrow, sporting my new wounded leg. [actually, the "wound" is comprised of three nice "slices" that are healing at this point.. but, I mean: THREE??.. how did I manage three cuts in just one fall??]

.. alright.. I'll leave you with something a bit melancholy to go with my mood.. [before I watched that puppet sequence, that is] [Pesci as a Koala clinched it for me, I guess] [or, no, maybe it was Ray Liotta as a sock monkey] [yeah, that was probably it]

.. anyway.. this is a song written by a young woman who at one time [back on the Sunset Strip] was considered to be in the same league as Joni Mitchell, Judi Collins and Carole King. She has a very sad story, with a very sad ending.. but did manage to produce at least two albums.. [maybe three, I'm noticing, on youtube].. before she literally disappeared. Perhaps I'll tell more of her story some time. Her big break was selling this song to the Turtles [whom I just posted], and even doing the guitar work on their studio recording of it. Oh, actually, she became the first artist signed to David Geffen's Asylum Record label, so things at least seemed promising for her. [at the start, that is]

.. alright.. I send my sweetly sad little kiss to you.. x.. (my love)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PP8DjFhxy60
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x.. xxx x.. xx x xx.. xxx.. xx..

Posted: **Mon Aug 08, 2011 7:28 am**

.. Leonard, my love.. I miss you. I went on my bike ride today, only I should have gone earlier than I did, as it was increasingly overcast today, and humid.. and.. well, I wound up in this huge rainstorm, which was rather like taking a shower, actually.. (while riding my bike, I mean).. only, it was very difficult to see after a while, since the rain was getting in my eyes.. so.. not the best experience, I’d say.. (still, the coolness of the rain felt rather nice).

.. actually, I had another dream about you last night. [this makes three, I think, in a pretty short period of time] [???]

.. anyway, it was a sweet dream, and.. well, it makes me all tingly just to remember it, too.. (my angel).. though that's all I'll say. [I'm trying to be good]

.. here’s my little kiss.. x.. (I wish I were kissing you right now, in fact.. as I’d like to finish off that dream)..

.. xx x.. xx.. xxx xx.. (‘til soon, my love).. xx x.. xx..

okay, I’d written most of the following some time ago, but felt the need to sit on it for a while, and re-read some stuff. I don’t know what good that does, actually, as I still feel somewhat in a muddle. [what can I say??.. it's fact-packed, and yet murky stuff]

.. anyway.. here goes

FOREVER YOUNG ON THE STRIP

.. why do I feel like committing suicide when I watch this?.. is it just me, or..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Y16iDqQiVg
FULL SCREEN..

.. maybe it’s the “sound” that we need to stop.. the sound of our packaged counter-culture. I mean, just where did it get us?.. [by the way].. No, it didn’t lead to untold freedom [seems like].. but it did lead to a story untold, which I’m here trying to in some manner amend.. [if this god-like “consciousness” stuff out there, is willing, I mean] [been reading up on quantum physics, as it happens.. just a bit.. you know, just so’s I can keep the magnitude of my ignorance in perspective. After all, one needs to do that from time to time, even if Stephen Stills seems not to have bothered]

[actually: for a refresher on “For What It’s Worth,” written by Stephen Stills when he was with Buffalo Springfield (a more recent rendition of which I just posted) you might look again at page 95 of this thread.. it’s lower on the page somewhere]

.. okay, to jump forward a bit, in this my Neil Young section, as it were..

.. now, whatever may have happened even earlier—and I’m still mulling all that over, since there’s a lot of guess work involved—but, in any event, Neil Young was there in the early days on the Strip, as we saw.. [remember those, uh, sideburns the very young looking Young was sporting when with Buffalo Springfield??]..

.. anyway, all that aside for a moment.. a few years later he wrote this song “Ohio,” following the Kent State massacre.. a song that, according to wiki:

.. was a staple of anti-war rallies in the 1970’s… the song was quickly recorded by CSNY [Crosby Stills Nash & Young] and immediately released as a single..

.. so, I guess, Stills allowed that he was [in some sense, at least] back in the “protest” game, after all..

.. anyway, here’s Young’s solo version..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdVMGKOFIwY
FULL SCREEN..

.. lyrics wise, and in terms of this being a “real” protest song, though.. I’m feeling that sense of vagueness again..

Ohio

Tin soldiers and Nixon coming,
We're finally on our own.
This summer I hear the drumming,
Four dead in Ohio.

Gotta get down to it
Soldiers are cutting us down
Should have been done long ago.
What if you knew her
And found her dead on the ground
How can you run when you know?

Gotta get down to it
Soldiers are cutting us down
Should have been done long ago.
What if you knew her
And found her dead on the ground
How can you run when you know?

Tin soldiers and Nixon coming,
We're finally on our own.
This summer I hear the drumming,
Four dead in Ohio.

.. “soldiers are cutting us down”.. is getting somewhere, maybe.. only, it hardly gets to the lives lost in Vietnam.. as well as what was being done to civilian Vietnamese at this time. Actually.. [to probe a little deeper].. I'd mention a little known covert operation called the Phoenix Program.. a program that was [in the words of my key source]:

.. “a campaign of assassination, torture and terror that claimed [by program head, and later CIA director, Willam Colby’s] own account, some 20,000 Vietnamese lives.” [emphasis mine]

Since I was first writing this post, I’ve read more on this “program”.. [read more of its gory details].. and it is relevant to all I’m researching in rather far reaching ways. Most significantly, it should be disturbing to read that that same program head went on to head the CIA, bringing his “expertise” to home base, as it were. We have all felt the ramifications of this, however in ways not immediately obvious.

[to be continued]

Anyway, I did say earlier on that I would try to approach all of this with a generous heart, and in terms of Neil Young that’s not too hard for me, I don’t think, in that there is something about him that seems to arouse my empathy. As with his song “I Am a Child,” perhaps it's that one feels that inner child to be dwelling inside him still [most especially at this younger age], and I feel to want to shoulder the storm with him somehow.. keeping in mind, too, that his wounds are all of ours, in a sense. All of these wounds—gone unattended.

.. and again, all the more reason one feels the dilemma inscribed by the insidious “hijacking” of Self, as it were.. [for what it’s worth, I mean].. Yes, I refer to that inviolable “self”.. [conjured in the imagination, at least].. when assessing that dream that was integral to this our “land of the free.”

I Am a Child

I am a child, I'll last a while.
You can't conceive
of the pleasure in my smile.
You hold my hand,
rough up my hair,
It's lots of fun
to have you there.

God gave to you,
now, you give to me,
I'd like to know
what you learned.
The sky is blue
and so is the sea.
What is the color,
when black is burned?
What is the color?

You are a man, you understand.
You pick me up
and you lay me down again.
You make the rules,
you say what's fair,
It's lots of fun
to have you there.

God gave to you,
now, you give to me,
I'd like to know
what you learned.
The sky is blue
and so is the sea.
What is the color,
when black is burned?
What is the color?

I am a child, I'll last a while.
You can't conceive
of the pleasure in my smile.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mV7V-Q3a0Uk
FULL SCREEN..

“I gave to you, now you give me.. I’d like to know what you’re thinking..

In becoming the child, Young asks the father what he’s thinking. After all, Young kept his end of the bargain, didn’t he?.. [perhaps you’re beginning to see the deeper implications of all this].. [if not, it’ll start to cohere, I promise]

“You make the rules, you say what’s fair”

Yes, Neil Young is the child. He did what was expected of him. He accepted the rules, but only in that he was just the kid.. the kid being told what to do. And, in so doing, what must he now make peace with—within himself, I mean.. if all that I’ve been mulling over is true?.. if indeed some.. well, irrevocable “bargain” had been made?.. I mean

.. “what is color when black is burned?”.. since.. well.. things get pretty dark sometimes.. out on the Strip, I mean.

Artistically speaking, Neil Young is just so strongly himself, and has garnered a large and loyal following, no doubt because of that fact.

.. anyway, for now, let’s change the lens here, and look at things from a more recent perspective..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foPsOPUPMAg
FULL SCREEN..

.. now, as per my “DEATH OF THE AVANT-GARDE” ruminations..

Neil Young [2008]:

“I think that the time when music could change the world is past.”

.. but, as to the individual artists involved way back when.. did “the Man,” as it were, in the quick release of the CSNY single, “Ohio”.. did HE think a song could change the world back then?

.. uh.. I think he was banking on it NOT being able to.. oh, and anyway.. was this particular song prescriptive?.. did it mention the war, even? The answer is: no, it did not. Nixon was criticized to be sure.. but.. no sign of that pesky war, still.. even as the word “soldiers” was used, though these were in fact state troupers.

OKAY, BUT.. given Young’s obvious Bush disaffection, maybe you’re thinking: just what’s matter, then?.. Young’s got his “issues” in order, doesn’t he?

.. well.. it’s not as easy as that..

after all

“we’ve seen the needle and the damage done”

as it were.. and so.. well.. maybe it’s time to re-assess just what it all might mean to us NOW.. now that it’s too late, in a sense, to change what was set in motion.. BACK THEN.

.. actually, if you still have delusions of revolution as per the good ol’ days.. well, let’s look in on this little exchange between Neil Young and Stephen Stills, two of the original “players” who were so “instrumental” to such of our perceptions, since, apparently—on their end, I mean—there weren’t no revolution going on, it seems like.. so.. don’t know what all the fuss was about, in the end. I mean, yeah, there was some serious wrangling with them coppers—oh, keep in mind that Young was never deported for being here illegally, by the by, since he didn’t get his green card ‘til 1970 [he later admitted].. so the coppers apparently didn’t connect the dots on that, seems like.. [yeah, that must be it]. Then again, his fellow Canadian buddy Bruce Palmer was sent home, although no serious charges ever stuck as far as that sort of stuff went.. so, yeah, this copper angle didn’t have much, uh, real grit to it, apparently. Seems it was “all show, no muscle” type of thing. [even if Young sustained a bloody lip and a night in jail, or what-have-you]

.. oh, and, I mean, if there were a REAL counter-culture/revolution sort of thing going on.. uhh.. the Man had plenty of stuff he could have laid on these guys, such as the DRAFT, for one.. but NO.. not a single musician from this scene was successfully drafted. NOT A ONE.

.. okay, this is a brief, three-part exchange [sometime in the 90’s perhaps?] between Stephen Stills and Neil Young..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVZre_EP ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TatOkylWcg
FULL SCREEN..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=of2Y_I3aUJ8
FULL SCREEN..

.. actually, Stills' claiming he's this "old soldier in military school" is both revealing, yet confusing at the same time. There is NO WAY he could have served in Nam since he was very "visible," publicly speaking, during those years of the draft. Of course [as my source points out], he COULD be [as this subject often comes up with him, apparently] referring to his time in Nam as an "advisor" earlier on.. which is.. well.. a horse of different color, you might say.. [and gives us a very good clue as to what I've been hedging at with all of this].. Remember, as I've noted before, he was considered so much the military/authoritarian type he was nicknamed "the Sarge," by those who knew him.. [which, as I've also pointed out, is exactly the sort you would choose to head this fine nation's Peace 'n Love movement] [if it actually weren't that, I mean]

.. as for Young.. there was a moment there.. [in the first part of this exchange].. when I thought he was about to say something entirely revealing, only the conversation quickly shifted to much safer ground.. it’s when he said:

“you can never get that back”

I honestly thought he was talking about whatever it was that he might have possessed.. I mean, before it all went down, as it were. Before things would irrevocably change.. [before the Man exacted his price, in other words].. [which isn’t anything these guys are going to discuss, of course]

.. so here they are—all these years later—looking rather downtrodden, as they sit on this park bench and rather unconvincingly tell us [in the words of Stills now] how it was all just “glorious”.. since that’s what the American public wants to hear, after all: the Great American Success Story.

.. of course, as to this “accident of fate” that Stephen Stills talks about..

.. remember I said you need a lot of “coincidences” for a pasted together scene to seem plausible???..

.. well, it seems Neil Young.. [in this now famous story of fate/coincidence, etc.].. anyway, it seems Young, who once met Stephen Stills in Canada.. but, well.. hmm.. let me see if I can quote some material from my source on this

.. okay, Young, who was still up in Canada, was part of a group known as the Mynah Birds, which went bust.. and.. [and I quote]:

... Young made the curious decision to head out to LA, for no better reason than that he had what Palmer described as “a hunch, a feeling that … Stephen Stills was in LA.”

[uh, remember, there was no music scene there yet to speak of].. [but to continue here]..

Of course, Young had no clue if Stills was in fact there, nor did he know anyone else in LA. And you would think that he would have realized that, even if Stills was there, there was virtually no chance of finding some random person in a city of millions, especially when the person doing the searching had no idea how to get around the city. But no matter. Neil had a calling, so he jumped into an old hearse, of all things, recruited Palmer to ride shotgun, and the two set off on the lengthy trek to Los Angeles.

They arrived, the legend tells us, on April 1, 1966 – April Fool’s Day, appropriately enough – and began the search for Stills. Several days of searching yielded no results, however, and on the afternoon of April 6, the frustrated pair decided to head off to San Francisco in the hopes that maybe they would have better luck finding Stephen there. Perhaps they were going to go on a tour of all the big cities in America, in the hopes that somewhere along the way they might find Stephen Stills.

But as fate would have it, just as they were about to head out of town, Stephen Stills found them. As Barney Hoskyns tells the story in his Hotel California, “Early in April 1966, Stills and Richie Furay were stuck in a Sunset Strip traffic jam in Barry Friedman’s Bentley. As they sat in the car, Stephen spotted a 1953 Pontiac hearse with Ontario plates on the other side of the street. ‘I’ll be damned if that ain’t Neil Young,’ Stills said. Friedman executed an illegal U-turn and pulled up behind the hearse. One of rock’s great serendipities had just occurred. Young, a lanky Canadian, had just driven all the way from Detroit in the company of bassist Bruce Palmer. They’d caught the bug that was drawing hundreds of other pop wannabes to the West Coast.”

The pair had actually driven out from Toronto, not Detroit, and the hearse was a 1959 model by most accounts, and Stills and Furay were in a van rather than a Bentley, but such inconsistencies are typical of all Hollywood legends. [end quote]

.. my source goes on to say how the word to describe the feasibility of making an impromptu U-turn in rush hour traffic on the Sunset Strip
would be “impossible”.. [not to mention the feasibility of this whole “serendipitous” affair].. [but.. as you KNOW I like to say: stuff happens]

.. So.. to jump ahead a bit.. [though it took no time at all for their meteoric rise to success] [as is true of so many of these instances on the Strip].. anyway, with Buffalo Springfield, and Stills’ hit number, For What it’s Worth, the job was done, and Young was the type who was going to branch out, it seems, in any event. He’s always been something of an independent musical force, with that eccentric approach to guitar that he's mastered, and that almost eerie, yet sweetly poetic sounding falsetto, to go along with his [at times] rather idiosyncratic lyrics.

.. but Neil Young also.. maybe a bit like Jackson Browne [though that’s not to compare their sound, I don’t think].. but in terms of a sense of melancholy.. or loss.. I think they share something.

Young, as he himself has suggested, is a bit “not all there,” at times. What does he say in that youtube clip??.. oh, he referred to his “short attention span”.. but more than that, he can come into “focus” for an interview [he said in a more recent exchange, though I’m not recalling which one at the moment.. oh, with Charlie Rose, perhaps].. but he rather bluntly tells Charlie he’s not all there—and not just in terms of the interview, either.

Still, he IS focused when it comes to his music—that’s not at all in dispute.. even as his history has him showing up in radically different incarnations depending on the particular road he’s on, which bifurcates as he goes along. He defied the recording industry in sustaining that, given that if they wanted to garner his substantial fame and following, he was going to be granted free rein, as it were. [so, Neil Young did stubbornly exact his own price for whatever, uh, “complicity” he might be guilty of]

.. but, to turn back the clock to those early days on the Strip:

having just left Springfield for good, Young went out on his own, joining his friend Joni Mitchell at Reprise records. And, as per what I've just stated, in his first [1970] album with them, he disliked the overdubbed sound, and would fight against that, and win that fight [it seems like] for the rest of his career.

The following song [linked below] was on that first solo Album “Neil Young”.. and seems relevant to what I’ve been hedging at with all this stuff.

Young himself might be identifying himself with “the loner.” The loner who's "the keeper of the key to the locks.” But he ALSO may have had need to encounter other loners too.. the type of loners whom you meet up with at the far end of subway cars.. [quite possibly] [since one needs to report back sometimes] [though probably not too often] [and probably less and less.. as time goes by]

.. SO.. if there’s a dark secret at the heart of this scene.. this scene that seemed to mean enough to the Man—first to paste it all together.. [oh, and there’s more to this “pasting together” stuff that I haven’t gotten to yet].. but, if there’s a dark secret here, it might be being referred to in these lyrics, as this was recorded a mere four years from that moment when Neil Young arrived on the Strip..

.. oh, and yes, I admit to “reading into” these songs. But, let’s look at it this way:

if you’ve got.. hmm.. [I’m trying to think of something analogous to all of this]..

Okay. OH.. I have a very obtuse, and yet perhaps interesting corollary..

.. now, there was a director of melodramas in the 1950’s by the name of Douglas Sirk. [who has a fascinating history at the hands of the Nazis, by the way]

.. any case, he escapes all that, and winds up directing Hollywood movies. He even introduced a big name, in fact: Rock Hudson. ANYWAY.. a case could be made for there being TWO audiences for his films: one the more general audience looking to enjoy a juicy melodrama, and the other being a more intellectual crowd, some of whom came to read into what he was doing a capitalist critique, not just story wise, but in terms of camera angles, his arrangement of his sets, etc.

.. now WHAT on earth does this have to do with Neil Young?..

well, I suppose what I'm suggesting with Young is that his past experience.. [what I'm being rather sketchy about].. is sort of smoldering there.. in that half conscious zone where so much of art resides. Both these artists, of course, knew what "the Man" was after.. and for Young, it seems it was to steer clear of the war, of course.. and yet STILL.. he may well be protesting something, only in a very personal and obscure sense..

Loner

He's a perfect stranger,
Like a cross
of himself and a fox.
He's a feeling arranger
And a changer
of the ways he talks.
He's the unforeseen danger
The keeper of
the key to the locks.
Know when you see him,
Nothing can free him.
Step aside, open wide,
It's the loner.

If you see him in the subway,
He'll be down
at the end of the car.
Watching you move
Until he knows
he knows who you are.
When you get off
at your station alone,
He'll know that you are.
Know when you see him,
Nothing can free him.
Step aside, open wide,
It's the loner.

There was a woman he knew
About a year or so ago.
She had something
that he needed
And he pleaded
with her not to go.
On the day that she left,
He died,
but it did not show.
Know when you see him,
Nothing can free him.
Step aside, open wide,
It's the loner.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xM7vaCRA3WI
FULL SCREEN..

“On the day that she left, he died, but it did not show”

So.. his wound is represented by the loss of this woman..

although.. I think it does show—quite a bit, in fact.. again, in his rather plaintive sorrowfulness.

.. oh.. AT SOME POINT.. Young explained how he didn’t want that real mainstream sort of limelight. It was after he produced an album that did amazingly well.. [Harvest? maybe?].. but, he said he preferred "the ditch at the side of the road" sort of thing.. [something along those lines]..

.. of course, it could also be true that he was only comfortable with himself in public as an artist doing what he felt at home doing.. which was performing—which of course is something that’s highly scripted, and in that way safe, so as not to expose certain things. [perhaps]

.. now, I don’t know the date of this, but it seems like quite a young Neil Young, possibly BEFORE the stuff he said about preferring the ditch by the side of the road type of thing.. [meaning, this was a theme since the start, it would seem]..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bxe_mqdj89g
FULL SCREEN..

fair enough. I probably would feel that way myself.. only.. well, one still wonders.. I mean, when you add the more troubling elements.. elements which might in fact have him feel the need to “hide out.” [to use his own expression]

FINALLY:

.. okay.. what if.. well what if the Devil gave you a very special deal.. and.. oh, it wasn’t just any Devil.. it was the Devil you knew growing up.. it was the Devil you needed to in some way either appease, or leave, but if you left, well, you were warned that nothing would become of you. But if you took the deal.. then.. well.. you’d have the success you wanted. It would just take one hit, maybe.. not much more.. [for what it’s worth].. and then you’d be free. Or.. being the irascible soul that maybe Neil Young was [and is], he was going to make sure that that’s ALL that it would take to be “free.”

.. though, not really and truly free. I mean, shouldn't "Ohio" have been more of a political/anti-war number—I mean, if it could have been??.. and yet, I’d venture that Young was operating within certain prescribed parameters.. though I hardly think these needed to be "spelled out." We DO know, after all, how to do what's expected of us. [later note]: No doubt this song was to Young his own, rather personal form of protest.. it's just that.. well, I guess I'm just pointing to what it's NOT. [and where certain lines were drawn] [invisibly or not]

.. in any event.. the damage was already done, it seems..

Needle And The Damage Done

I caught you knockin'
at my cellar door
I love you, baby,
can I have some more
Ooh, ooh, the damage done.

I hit the city and
I lost my band
I watched the needle
take another man
Gone, gone, the damage done.

I sing the song
because I love the man
I know that some
of you don't understand
Milk-blood
to keep from running out.

I've seen the needle
and the damage done
A little part of it in everyone
But every junkie's
like a settin' sun.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0t0EW6z8a0
FULL SCREEN..

“I sing the song because love the man.. I know that some of you won’t understand..

milk-blood, to keep from running out..

.. the damage done: a little part of it in everyone”

[later note: I've skipped over here the obvious, which is the "junkie" story, though I feel to make note of that. Most often I'll assume what's known.. so to progress to what's unknown, or what lies beneath].. [but, to return to what I was saying]..

It all comes down to one’s allegiances. I may [unconsciously] be loyal to my parents’ particular manner of psychological pit falls and weaknesses.. and, in so speaking, to break with the illness, as it were, is to break with one’s [unconsciously] pledged allegiance. Yes, emotionally/psychologically speaking, one feels to be turning one’s back on the ones we love—or, even the ones we DON’T feel we love, as they can STILL exact this [unconscious] form of allegiance. For, to TRULY separate.. to be TRULY free.. one needs to step outside of such equation entirely, though few of us ever will.. as, even in our anger, our rebelliousness, we are in that sense “reacting,” and therefore tied to the problem, as opposed to being “free” of it. [which is what “true” separation is]

[although.. in saying what I just did.. this is not to discount—politically speaking—the form of organized protest that was being mounted at Berkeley in the early sixties; the type of protest the Man meant to infiltrate and destroy.. in ways I've been circling around, and alluding to for a while now]

.. [but back to Young]..

“milk-blood”.. sounds rather like the dangerous form of allegiance I spoke of above. [before that last disclaimer, I mean] And yes, a lot of us "won’t understand".. probably since it would be to admit to too much. We all want to BELIEVE we have more autonomy than that.. we have more “control” over ourselves, and what we become. But.. perhaps we have very little, in fact. And, to me, this is most humbling to consider.. but it also gives me a way into maybe understanding something about Neil Young: an artist who evokes in me such of my own conflicted feelings—especially now.. given all I’m here trying to assess, and understand.

.. but back to the All American Success Story:

The Buffalo Springfield lasted a little over a year.. [was it really that short a time?].. and still Neil Young and his band mates would wind up years later in the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame. [oh, and I'm pretty sure Young didn't show up for that event, in fact] [curiously enough].. Anyway, Young would have such honor served him twice, actually, since he also had his solo career, as well, to be rewarded. After all, the Man DOES believe in paying off his debts. [when it serves him to do so, that is].. and anyway, Neil Young had the talent and the sort of career that might warrant such recognition.. so

ALL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL, THEN???

of course, it’s important to consider that none of this means, well, shit without a public platform upon which to make one’s case.. and at what price, do you think, is it worth it to secure for oneself such platform?.. I mean, would you knowingly contribute to a country’s utter demise?.. would that be too high a price?.. or.. well, actually, being quite young, you might not yet realize the sobering ramifications. But even assuming you knew it was “wrong".. [even if you didn't understand the "whole" of it, I mean].. you might figure you could always make up for it later on, I guess.. or, you could try to, maybe. After all, without that platform, you really can’t do a thing—not really.. not with the same impact, I mean.. I mean, you might just wind up a nothing wanna-be [still up in Canada, perhaps] with hardly any following at all.. and so what are you contributing to the world at large, in that case?.. so..

[yes, the Devil has us by the horns sometimes]

.. oh, one last thing here.. [and if this doesn't make you want to weep, then.. well, I haven't done my job very well]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izB9PZny_sc
FULL SCREEN

later note: I've added a few notes on Stephen Stills after the three-part interview above. I'm tackling a lot with all of this, and I find I leave out important notations, only to fill them in later.

another later note: I've updated the youtube link I posted after the, uh, "Devil" section. Oh, and I've tweaked this thing over all, this morning.. adding more where needed.

early evening later note: I just added a bit to the "Devil" section. [this ain't easy.. since it's to suss things out, as it were.. which is what I find myself doing as I'm writing this material, in fact]

latest edit: just thought I'd introduce the Pheonix Program slightly differently, upon this last read of this post.

edits: updating links.

Posted: **Tue Aug 09, 2011 8:16 am**

It all comes down to one’s allegiances. I may [unconsciously] be loyal to my parents’ particular manner of psychological pit falls and weaknesses.. and, in so speaking, to break with the illness, as it were, is to break with one’s [unconsciously] pledged allegiance. Yes, emotionally/psychologically speaking, one feels to be turning one’s back on the ones we love—or, even the ones we DON’T feel we love, as they can STILL exact this [unconscious] form of allegiance. For, to TRULY separate.. to be TRULY free.. one needs to step outside of such equation entirely, though few of us ever will.. as, even in our anger, our rebelliousness, we are in that sense “reacting,” and therefore tied to the problem, as opposed to being “free” of it. [which is what “true” separation is]

Violet, the above is beautifully expressed.

After all, without that platform, you really can’t do a thing—not really.. not with the same impact, I mean.. I mean, you might just wind up a nothing wanna-be [still up in Canada, perhaps] with hardly any following at all.. and so what are you contributing to the world at large, in that case?..

Hey honeybundle – Canada is not exactly a cultural backwater, y'know? Have you forgotten who hails from here? (He has not forgotten!)

Even given the ugly stuff you're delving into, the '60's & early 70's were an important time for political awareness. Protest rock may have been vague-ish and simplistic-ish (there is only one LC master-poet of the written word, after all), but that don't necessarily make it junk (or subterfuge). It did exist. Apathy did not rule. Consider today's rock-protest songs... about Somalia for instance – haven't heard any of them? Gee, me neither.

More later. Interesting stuff Vio.

XO

Posted: **Tue Aug 09, 2011 4:55 pm**

.. yes, I seem to recall that there's someone I'm rather enamored of who hails from Canada.. [it's coming back to me now]..

.. but did HE stay in Canada??.. [me no think so]

.. it's interesting though how quite a few [very good musicians] hail from over yonder.. you are a talented bunch.

.. as to the 60/70's awareness, etc.. again, I'm not here to purport what it is we think we know. I'm pretty sure I know what that is. My only interest here is that I came upon some material that seems to indicate in very compelling ways that there is a hell of a lot we DON'T know. My problem with spelling this out in its entirety is that I'm saving some of that last stuff for the story I'm writing, lest I let all the pressure out too soon. And the reason I've been probing this material in this thread, is that I'm trying some of it on for size, to see how it fits. Neil Young I knew would be hard for me, since I certainly don't see him as someone trying to pull something over on anyone, as that doesn't seem to represent him too well.. which is why I went in there more deeply, since.. well, as I say a lot these days: Stuff Happens. [and very curious stuff sometimes]

v. x

.. Leonard, my love.. I'm ready to put on my protective gear and get to writing again. It's very difficult for me having Agent Longing represent certain ideas when I can only "imagine" what it is you would truly think about such things. So, I guess it's just to impose certain overlays on things, and again, try things on for size. I don't know in the end how it will all read. It's rather humorous, and sweet at times.. and.. oh, I don't know.. perhaps it's revelatory, too.. [to those who are open to some of these ideas].. Anyway, I don't even know how it is I'd categorize what it is I think I'm doing, since I've been really playing it as it lays, as it were. When I write a screenplay, I'll often "brief it in" so I can get to the end, in order to know what it is my characters are all heading toward.. then I'll refine the thing a million times. That's not AT ALL how I've been writing this piece, which has really been like steering an unwieldy vehicle.. and.. [for now, at least].. doesn't involve my looking back too much.

.. anyway, a lot of it has been fun. I'm hoping to find that sense of it again.. [been in the dungeon too long I think]

.. okay, my angel, I miss you. Oh, for some reason this song popped into my head, just as I wrote my opening salutation to you.. so.. I'll leave you with this pretty tune..

.. oh, and my fervent.. little.. lingering.. kiss.. x..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7f189Z0v0Y&ob=av2e
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx.. xx xx.. xx.. xxxx x.. xx..

Posted: **Fri Aug 12, 2011 5:51 am**

.. just a quick shout out to all of you britlanders.. here's hoping you're all safe 'n sound.

.. Leonard.. I'm missing you, and so thought to check in here a moment. How are you, my love?.. my.. perfect perfect specimen of a human being?.. Actually, I'm hoping you like terms of endearment since you do seem to inspire them in me. This last one really rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?.. I can imagine calling you that over breakfast.. (only you need to factor in that I'd be smiling, or at the very least smirking as I say it. I mean, I wouldn't want to give you a big head or anything).. (although I actually do think of you that way.. but that's love's prerogative, I guess)

.. well, it was rather cool weather today, even fall like.. with dappled sunlight beneath the trees.. oh, and with the lake looking rather deep blue-grey and choppy again. I'm just glad all the rain has stopped. Or, at least for now it has. [this weekend's another matter, it seems]

.. actually, I could be complaining right now, about any number of things, but I'm not going to. Instead, I'll just leave you with something rather lovely, I think.. as well, my little kiss to you.. x..

.. (and now I promise to be good, and work hard).. (my angel)..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2LFVWBmoiw
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx.. xx x.. xxx x.. xx.. xxx.. xx..

Posted: **Sun Aug 14, 2011 8:37 am**

.. Leonard, my love.. I just deleted that last post. I feel I need to stop writing these things when I'm sad, due to lack of sleep. It's not a good combination. [or maybe I'm just too tired to even be reading what I wrote very clearly].. [which means I guess I'm in "over tired" hell right now]

.. anyway, I read the next installment of my story--what’s done of it, and it’s coming along, and I like it.. it will just take a bit more diligent work, as again it contains some of the “sticky” stuff I’ve been conflicted about.. and it contains the kind of writing that’s difficult too, in that it needs to cover so much.

.. as noted, I hate being as tired as I am, and here I am up late again. So, I'll just send this little kiss.. x.. hoping it finds you happy, and well. And if I disappear from here for a while, it's that I need to catch up on some sleep, and just focus on this writing as best I can, as I hope to make some progress, finally..

.. xx xxx ..xx xx.. xxx x..

Posted: **Mon Aug 15, 2011 6:14 am**

.. Leonard, my love.. I hadn't planned on coming here today, but.. well.. here I am, after all. [couldn't resist] By the way, I just saw the latest Heck of a Guy calendar for September, and have decided that you are a total tease. [you really are] But then that had me thinking that, well, maybe you think I'M a tease.. in which case, we deserve each other. [notice how I had that go in my favor]

.. anyway, I'd like to jump on that big fat fluffy hotel room bed you're on, and

.. oh, I don't know, maybe we could just tell some jokes or something.

[when writing and/or directing a scene, that's known as "contra expectation"]

.. so, that's pretty much it, my love. I want to just smother you in one-liners. [very badly, in fact]

.. anyway, I was working hard today.. but had a computer snafu [which I'm keeping an eye on, lest disaster strikes].. and.. oh, and I missed my usual bike ride, given all the rain we're having up here. So, no pretty lake.. and no silly property signs. However, I'm still missing you, lake or no lake.

.. hmm.. if we had a lake house together, and decided to name the property.. I'm wondering what sort of name we might come up with..

.. actually.. I'm going to think this one over, since it needs to be a real good one.

Alright, well, as Scarlett says, tomorrow's another day.. so, I'll see how I do then. I may have to go to the city this week, though, as I believe I'm going a bit stir crazy.. so.. need to arrange that, I guess. [let me know what hotel you'll be in, should you need us to do some serious joking] [and I'm not kidding about that]

[I think I'm in a slap happy mood, actually, since I'm still not caught up on sleep yet]

.. speaking of.. I just watched a fave old movie of mine: His Girl Friday, with Rosalind Russell and Cary Grant. It has more snappy dialogue per square inch than Washington has robustious knotty-pated politicians. [to borrow an insult from Shakespeare] [sort of]

.. okay, my beloved. I'm also being good because I was really losing it last night, and I was feeling the tug of blueness today, but I managed to shift gears on all that. I'm actually feeling better about finally getting my story finished, at any rate, so things are looking up.

.. here's my little kiss.. x.. (my love).. (it's long, and lingering.. and tender).. oh, and this tune caught my attention today as one I might post for you, since I've been playing Bill Evans again, who continues to help me keep on track somehow.. (I miss you, my angel)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WamE7X83rtE
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx.. xx x.. xxx.. xx.. x x x..

Posted: **Tue Aug 16, 2011 6:02 pm**

.. my beloved, I miss you. Been writing, but thought to take a break.

.. anyway, yesterday, I was listening to an archived show from a listener sponsored radio station I listen to sometimes, and the host thought to use your oral rendition of Democracy--right in the middle of the show. It had rather ominous sounding musical scoring on it, which maybe is how it was recorded, I don't know.. but it was very moving.. and I thought, gee.. I mean, here I am doing research, and there you are again (!) [oh, and when I say the show was "archived," I mean from an earlier time in the day, so a lot of New Yorkers were listening to this just yesterday] [my angel].. The show was an interview with an ex-U.S. senator [from Alaska, I think it was] who was responsible for getting the Pentagon Papers out to the public. [the show's content was quite political, in other words]

.. alright, well, it looks like there's some sun peeking through the clouds today, so maybe I'll make it to our little lake later. I hope so, as I rather look forward to the ride as a form of contemplation almost.. even though there are some serious hills I need to navigate on that ride. Actually, on that count, I've gotten much better, as I don't have to "walk my bike" anymore to get up them. Truth is, I'm probably in the best physical shape I've ever been in. [which means my exile is not without some perks, I guess]

.. okay.. let me see if I can find this recording, just how I heard it yesterday..

.. oh, and my little kiss to you.. x.. and the hope that all is well, my love.. [xx.. xxx x.. xx xx..xx x]..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nxIh6VBGts
FULL SCREEN..

Posted: **Wed Aug 17, 2011 10:16 pm**

.. Leonard, my love.. I just had another tragedy of somehow deleting an entire post. [some of which was NEW Strip material].. Usually, if it's getting lengthy I'll have copied it to my desktop.. but not this time.

bleh

.. okay.. so.. need to get back to my other work. Hopefully I'll be able to recount what I'd written here at some other point.

It's a lovely day up here, at least.. [finally].. and so today I actually WILL make it to our little lake, as things got rather wet yesterday before I had the chance.

.. okay, well, I know I posted this song before, and it's really Top 40 type fare.. [even though it IS Strip related].. but I can't get seem to get this song out of my mind, for some reason. [you know how that can be] [anyway, I guess this proves I'm a total sap at heart] [my love]

.. but first.. my little kiss.. x

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qk-7n1hdK3M
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx xx.. xx.. xx xx.. xx. xx..

.. that was funny. I linked to the exact OPPOSITE of what I thought I was linking to.. left over from the post I lost. But I have the right one now, at least. [my god.. not my day for posting, it seems]

Posted: **Thu Aug 18, 2011 4:22 pm**

.. you know, my love.. I didn't realize until just the other day that this song was on youtube, although I believe I'd looked at some point. [??]

.. anyway, I awoke this morning with this song on my mind. [a favorite of mine, as I've mentioned]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_LvBbYOuQA
FULL SCREEN..

.. you know, it really does have a layered sense to it, which to me is a significant hallmark of yours. I don't know if I could entirely take that sense of it apart, but, for starters, your voice, which is rather soft sounding [and has a pathos to it], is in contrast with the accompaniment, which has a rather upbeat surety to it, rather the way you describe the woman in the song. It's terribly poignant, this song--both sad and hopeful.

.. anyway, I'd have posted this link earlier in this thread, to go with the poem it inspired me to write, if I'd only known about it.

.. I wanted to add, while on the subject of new songs, and the CD you're presently working on.. that.. well, given how great your rendition of the Tennessee Waltz was.. well, I think you might consider doing another country cover, as it were. Actually, when I first heard your version of Tennessee Waltz I thought you could do a whole country album at some point. [yes, this is Violet as music producer] [another of my unrealized vocations, it seems]

.. alright, my beloved. I wish you renewed inspiration with whatever it is you are working on. [here's a tender kiss, just for that.. x]

.. actually, now that I think about it.. I wouldn't shy away from other genres, either. I mean, Cole Porter at his best is a lot of fun, I think. Remember I posted this number?.. (only, you might contemporize some of the references).. but, yeah.. get a big swing band together, maybe.. and

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4odmO_N7E5o
FULL SCREEN..

.. of course, on the softer side, you might try..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1ctPCMfdf0
FULL SCREEN..

[I'm just a warehouse of ideas, aren't I?]

.. okay, back to saving the world with Agent Longing. It's true I'm liking this segment of the story I'm working on, even as it's rather involved, content wise. I like writing conversationally, actually, since I'm never sure what will come to me as I do it, and so things take surprising turns sometimes that I'm not altogether in charge of. [sort of like my suggesting you do Cole Porter] [??]

.. oh.. I did do my bike ride yesterday. It wasn't until late in the day--so late, in fact, that I got to see a blazing crimson sunset over our lovely lake. It was stunning, only.. well, as the light died down, I was left to finish the ride in total darkness. Fortunately, I did attach a little flashlight to the front of the bike so that at least the occasional car could see me.. but.. well, I guess I have to try all the extremes with this for some reason: the serious downpour [of just last week, I guess it was], and now, pitch black total darkness. For what purpose, I don't know. [because it was there]

.. lastly, and in memory of the Chelsea.. [given its recent, uh.. ].. anyway, here's a pic I took from one of its rooms just a couple of years ago, when I was working with a Brit actor who was staying there. [it was very modest digs, I must say]

.. oh, and a few more kisses, my love.. xx x.. xx.. xxx x x.. (I miss you)

Posted: **Fri Aug 19, 2011 6:05 pm**

.. oh, Leonard.. I'm having just the hardest time. Yesterday.. though I was getting writing done.. still, it was misery for me. I was feeling all of this anxiousness, and duress, which is not like me. It happened about a week ago now, as well, but I thought I reeled things in, as it were. So, now I need to step back a bit, and try to figure out a game plan, since whatever it is I've been doing with this thread is starting to erode my well being somehow.

now.. to analyze the situation.. I guess I realize that there's a good chance you don't drop in on this thread in particular, in which case, I've diagnosed what I've been doing with these little love letters to you as the writing of an open letter of sorts to some aspect of my psyche that I deem to be you. Of course, the misery of it is that I can't really write these little love notes to you without making some kind of emotional investment in doing so, even if a part of me has no idea if you are even there.. oh, and even knowing that even if you did drop by upon occasion, I have no idea how you might receive what it is I write you.

.. but then, the heart, it seems, knows no such rationalizations. It seems to just want what it wants. And so, maybe that's what's causing me duress, since I can't keep "explaining" these things to my heart. It's terribly draining for me. And anyway, my heart doesn't seem to care for my rationalizing. It just wants you, my love.

.. so.. given my brother is coming up this weekend, it seems a good time to take a break from these premises. Next week I hope to finish up the next segment of "Far from Chinatownshire" or "That Part of Hell Called Paradise".. [not sure which title to go with]..

Oh, also.. although I'm taking a break from therapy right now, my therapist did note the consequences involved in maintaining my "political position".. [or perhaps that's "disposition"].. Now, given her father was a Jewish Marxist out of Russia, she is able to entertain a lot of the political content that I share with her, and doesn't find it implausible. However, she says I'm still in the position of.. I don't know what word she used.. but it had to do with my flirting [that might be it].. my flirting with self annihilation. [she puts things real softly like that sometimes]

.. so, here I am, out on a limb in all sorts of ways.. and I wonder why I'm feeling anxiousness and duress??

.. anyway, all I can think to do is to finish this writing, and then see where I am with things. If I write you these little love notes as well, then I guess I've decided it's okay that I do so. But if I don't, it's that I really am in that special part of hell--which, actually, is not paradise, but that hell of not knowing.. that hell of blindly going forward without a lousy flashlight, even.. [although even that lousy flashlight I was using on that pitch dark bike ride wasn't enough] [oh, so I guess I needed to "demonstrate" this feeling with my bike ride, as well] [oy].. oh, so, in being in such hell, and feeling all this duress, then maybe I'll choose to just focus on the writing I'm doing, since otherwise, I can find myself expending a lot of energy worrying about these little love letters I write you. [I'll have you know] [I mean, you can't imagine the ways I have of torturing myself with all this] [or maybe you can]

.. alright, well, I guess that's the best I can do for now, as far as explaining myself. And I guess it's back to work. I truly wish this trial were over for me, but it seems it's taking its own sweet time. I said I'd give myself 'til the end of the summer to finish this writing, which I guess officially is the end of September.. so I'll see where I am at that point. [hopefully I'll be nearing the finish line]

.. so, that's where things sit for now. I'm in several types of hell simultaneously, and I don't think I could feel more isolated, to tell you the truth. It's pretty brutal, wherever it is I've arrived at.

.. but.. (hopeful violet flower that I am).. I send you my tender little kiss.. x.. with the hope you receive it in some way. Maybe I should post again that poem I wrote for you, as I think it speaks to this kind of connection.. it's the poem inspired by your song I just posted..

.. anyway, I'll be back as I can, my love.. and I do hope all is well with you.. [xx.. xx x.. xx.. xx x.. xx]..

Delivering me unto you

I have a fantasy
the one that keeps me going
it’s the one that keeps me going
through my day

though perhaps it’s not a fantasy
perhaps it’s true you’re waiting
for me

perhaps you see me
coming

(or so you say)

keep me,
keep near me

be with
all of me

no longer
this of me, this

of you.

the soft of just my hand
I kiss

lost to you

(while doing this)

my softest hand

so soft becoming
you.

I bite your lips,
my teeth caress

your face, your softest
beingness

I know I’d love the roughness of your
skin

(these sore impressions
to store you in)

perhaps you felt it when, the
Sparrow you thought had wakened you
was gone

you stared there awhile (as I kissed
now, the place
of all my want of you
again)

so if I am devout, you’ll know me
that way. learning me

devoutly through your day. as here these words,
like longing, never

end. these words as
when delivering

my cherishing; my giving; my humbly
awaiting words in

praise of you.

or words of my desiring: my hand my want
unfolding,

these words of my desiring

finding you. in us,

my deepest love, there be
no end.

v i o l e t

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Yr4oYyD ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

Posted: **Sat Aug 20, 2011 1:31 am**

.. Leonard, my love.. I hadn't planned on posting anything more today, but it seems I've been drawn here by some kind souls who have helped me, I think. [thanks for that] Actually, I've been kindly reminded in private that I most certainly have been wooed. [as concerns a comment I made on my soliloquy thread] Anyway, a little bit of ego massaging never hurts. [thanks again]

.. so.. maybe I'll save these little love letters to you for when I-really-have-to-write-you-or-I-could-die, sort of thing. [or maybe it doesn't have to be that dire]

.. so, as usual, I guess I just have to take things as they come. If I listen to my heart, then all I'd do all day long is just gush over you.. and.. well.. one has to pace these things. Okay, quickly, then: I adore you. I absolutely love and adore you.

There.

.. okay.. so.. Oh, I did just go to our little lake.. it's cool out, sort of.. when the sun goes behind the clouds.. and it feels like rain, only it's been rather an empty threat like that all day long. Anyway, it made for a nice enough bike ride, with the clouds beautifully illumined with sunlight, and the water once again bright and choppy.

.. well, I've got things to do to prepare for my brother coming--oh, and crazy cuz is coming too. Doing a family sort of weekend. Oh, and wouldn't you know it, c.c. asks if he can bring his laundry. [crazy cuz]

.. alright.. my little kiss to you, my perfect perfect specimen of a human being, whom I love wild and terribly.. x.. (this one little kiss doesn't feel to be enough somehow, but it will have to do for now).. (my angel).. (my most perfect love)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QdKBm9A ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x.. xxx x.. xxx.. xx x x.. xxx x..

Posted: **Sat Aug 20, 2011 5:23 am**

Dear V.

Your poem is so tender and beautiful. Maybe The Man really will see it. I hope so with my heart, for you.

Meanwhile, I see you've attracted an admirer, and (fortunately) he seems to be one who is not in great need of redemption...

XO to you Vi.

leonardcohenforum.com

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