Softly

Boss · Post by **Boss** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 7:58 am

Lizzy,

You are a beautiful human being

Thank you

Boss

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 1:38 pm

Thank you very much, Boss.

You're a kindred spirit.

Love,
Lizzy

Fljotsdale · Post by **Fljotsdale** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 2:20 pm

Boss wrote:Dear Fljots,

Thank you for this thread.

I'm going to dedicate this post to my Mum. They say that nothing hurts like losing a child. She has lost 3; her only daughter in a car accident and two sons, one to suicide and one to cancer. Suffice to say it has taken its toll on her. But she is a mountain of strength. Indeed it is Mum who probably showed me how to 'be' with G-d and Love. My mother often cries. Usually at night listening to soft music. She lights 3 candles in the evening in remembrance. She says it heals her. I know this mourning process will continue on. It is a part of her, but I don't think that tree is growing too big. Wounded, I salute her and all who lose loved ones. Life is indefinable.

Thanks

Boss

Oh, Boss. My heart goes out to you, and especially to your mother. I saw what it did to my Mom, when my brother died. There is nothing so painful, so tragic, as losing a child. Your mother must be devasted to have lost three. Her courage in the face of such pain makes me want to hug her 'make it better', even though I know nothing will. Give her a hug from me. And here is one for you (((HUG))), because losing siblings is also a deep pain.

Boss · Post by **Boss** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 3:17 pm

Thanks Fljots,

I feel for your losses too.

Esther was 17, still only a kid really but to me she was all grown up, going out with boys in cars and just starting out in the work force. She took another brother and I into the city one day to see 'Charlotte's Web'. I remember arriving home by bus. It was night time.
Esther's boyfriend Peter died in the accident too.

Michael had a difficult life. He took an overdose at age 22. They say he had a mental condition but in my opinion he really had issues with Dad. Dad left in '79 and Mum had to fend for 5 boys on her own. Mick also had a problem with the Jewish thing in the family. He loathed Judaism. But Mick was special. I really got on well with him when he was well. We had like minds. In '83 he started not talking to me - I think because I got on okay with Dad. This awful silence lasted over 2 years. Luckily, after I took a Leave of Absence from University he spoke. I even took him to the football. We barracked for the same team

Jeremy had a very pain stricken life. He died at age 30 - in 2001. He had a rare condition known as neurofibromatosis. Cysts would come up, some formed into cancer. He had numerous taken out and numerous bouts of radiation and chemotherapy. I loved Jez for him - for his courage and will. We spent a lot of time together as he was dying. Weaker and weaker he became. Jez was the youngest and I the second youngest in a family of 6 children. He was my little mate.

I'm not sure why I've opened up to everyone with this information. I think I needed to 'talk'. My sister and brothers' deaths have affected me enormously. I think of them daily and even though I don't believe they can hear me, I sometimes talk to them. Just to get advice...I am human.

Regards and good night

Boss

Fljotsdale · Post by **Fljotsdale** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 3:35 pm

We all have tragedies in our lives, Boss - you have more than most of us.

And talking about it to virtual friends is easier than opening up to those close to us, I think. We can be afraid of opening wounds, so talking to family can be fraught with pitfalls, whether real or presumed.
And the good memories can almost make us feel guilty - and being a survivor can make us feel guilty, too.

It is good that we are here for each other.

Ali · Post by **Ali** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 7:01 pm

I have no words
((XX))

Diane · Post by **Diane** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 7:33 pm

On 27th October, the day after I last spoke on this thread, my dear cousin Joy died. It is less than two years since she first complained of a bad back, which turned out to be an aggressive form of cancer. She was my best friend. We were opposites in many ways and she balanced me. We had a tremendous amount of fun and closeness together over the years. She was a passionate campaigner for Friends of the Earth, a kind and straightforward person, and above all a dedicated wife and mother. She leaves two young teenage daughters, and if I have a biggest regret in all this, it is that she will not see them grow up to adulthood, and that they have lost their mother.

I find it very strange and difficult to be writing of her in the past tense.

I don't believe in any kind of life after death, but I do believe that we are forever changed when we are known and loved by someone, and that we pass that love on to others, and to the next generation. Love never dies and it never 'gets tired'.

As the last line of the poem 'An Arundel Tomb' says, "what will survive of us is love". I think that is true for all the losses spoken of in this thread, and for everyone.

Diane

Steven · Post by **Steven** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 7:38 pm

Friends,

Love, forgiveness, peace.

Fljotsdale · Post by **Fljotsdale** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 7:41 pm

I was thinking about her... thank you for the update, sad as it is.

What a lovely memorial: "what will survive of us is love"

Yes.

Warm (((HUGS))), Diane.

Boss · Post by **Boss** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 4:12 am

Diane,

May you find peace. Memories are what we take from those who pass. Remember her smile.

Boss

Diane · Post by **Diane** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 12:58 pm

Dear Fljots and Boss: Thank you.

Steven, thanks for your wishes here too. There are so many people bringing good vibes to this site.

Diane

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 2:32 pm

Dear Diane ~

No matter how 'prepared' we think we are, it seems so often we're just not. We can't be. Already, you know and reflect on what you would've done with the arrival of your new, Christy Moore cd, sharing its lyrics with Joy. You had to have been so close. I am so sorry to hear that her death is what happened in your absence from here. You will be missing her for so long. I'm so sorry. Was who she was reflected in her name?

I watched a program on how those we know and love live on through us, as we seem to literally incorporate one aspect or another of their personality, character, or being into ourselves. A natural process of incorporation and growth, keeping them alive in a different sense. It was very interesting, with many interviews of people who lost loved ones, and noticed differences in themselves and others around them, after their loved one had passed. We truly are the sum of our experiences.

Dear Boss ~ Such saddening details of your brothers' and sister's lives, each ending so prematurely and tragically. Your sister-given ride to the movie and the bus ride home ~ such a sad and shocking transition into a nightmare.

I think your insight into Michael was probably correct. I'm glad you were able to reconcile with him before his death, so even though he left with a desperate feeling of 'no choice,' you haven't had to live with the remorse and guilt-ridden wondering of, "What if..." regarding the import of your and his, personal relationship.

"We spent a lot of time together as he was dying. . . . He was my little mate." With this and all of your other accounts, it sounds like you've been a loving and caring person all of your life, Boss. From a little boy straight on to being a man. Not that you would, but don't ever change. We need more people like you in our world.

My warm (Hug) to you, Boss.

Love to both of you,
Lizzy

Diane · Post by **Diane** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 8:59 pm

Dear Lizzy, thank you for your words. She was quietly joyous and content with life, so I suppose her name was quite apt. You are right, nothing prepares you for the finality of someone dying. She wanted to come to see Leonard with me when he goes on tour, and that is another of the many, many things that I will be regretful of. On a positive note regarding a connection with Leonard, I recall her telling me only weeks ago how therapeutic she had found playing her guitar and singing Bird on the Wire.

You say that we truly are the sum of our experiences. Yes, of course we are. And I told her that she would always be with me wherever I go, and she knew it was true.

Boss, I am sorry for the tragedies in your own life. You write with a lot of kindness and sensitivity, I’m glad you’re on here.

Love,

Diane

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Tue Nov 01, 2005 12:06 am

My warm (Hug) to you, Diane. You'll never hear "Bird On A Wire" the same way again. I appreciate hearing about her now. As you know, that in itself is a way of helping to 'keep someone alive."

You had a lot in common already. Such a fortunate relationship to have with a close relative, whom you admire and love. You also seem to be more "quietly joyous and content with life," so aspects of Joy are already in you.

Since I do believe in an afterlife, I also believe Joy will be with you when you finally see Leonard perform Live; and that you'll feel it and know it. Perhaps, you won't. I hope you'll remain open to its happening, though.

Yes, I see that now ~ that you used Boss's own words. What a great use to make of your atheism ~ staying out of other people's business, in the name of your non-G~d.

I hope we can meet one day.

Another, warm (Hug).

Love,
Lizzy

Diane · Post by **Diane** » Tue Nov 01, 2005 12:17 am

Dear Lizzy, you are lovely !! Thanks for saying those things! I probably never will hear Bird on the Wire the same way again. I think Joy will be with me in a more metaphorical sense, but I try not to close my mind to anything.

I think it is wonderful the way you are so friendly and engaging with people on this forum. I'd love to meet you, too. As I don't believe in an afterlife, better try to make it some time this life

.

Love,

Diane