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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 12:05 am
by LaurieAK
Hi Andrew~

You are a trooper to be coming back to my comments!

When I stated in my crit that there was 'more to the sum of the space' part of what i was referring to was what you have just explained; the irony of the mistaken event (reading for fun vs. studying). You are able to "say" these things without saying them. You are heads n tails above my level, that is why I hesitate to comment on your 'stuff.'

As for this:
I'll reply to the next four lines of the second stanza; this will require a demonstration!
I will await your cyber-legerdemain...anticipating coins dropping suddenly from a pocket onto a book...looking forward to the demo 8)

regards,
Laurie

Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 5:00 pm
by Andrew McGeever
Dear LaurieAK, and any others interested in a quick dose of legerdemain,
First, a further comment on, "It's good to study; here's some money".
My daughter, on reading the first draft, highlighted the importance of that line: some parents/relatives respond to the perceived success of a child by throwing money at him/her.
Her comments served to cement my intention for that line.

Right now, domestic duty calls: I'll continue later!
Andrew.

Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 5:40 pm
by lizzytysh
Dear Andrew ~

I'm very taken by the poignancy of this poem. I guess "torchlight" is what you folks call a "flashlight"? I read it as being an oil lamp that the boy was reading by. It was good reading everyone's comments. I was further touched by Laurie's comments:
The loss is profound. The narrator has an uncle who Lived the 'adventures' and I get the feeling was also damaged by them too. Of course had the boy known this, he would have shut the book and met his uncle on terms he did not know existed. But the information came too late for them both.
I'll let it go at this for now [or, perhaps, period]. What Laurie says is so true about so much being packed into your poems. I love reading them.

Love,
Elizabeth

Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 7:13 pm
by LaurieAK
Dear Andrew~
Dear LaurieAK, and any others interested in a quick dose of legerdemain,
First, a further comment on, "It's good to study; here's some money"....
Sigh. I am beginning to think you are stalling...The room is crowded, the lights are down. Our scratched up wooden tables all hold ashtrays, beers, bloody marys and other relaxing liquids. The stage is empty, with a single spotlight beaming on a small table upon which a sits a book. It is open, its large pages heaved up slightly from the center like a pair of lungs. We expect maybe they will inhale with the slightest breeze of passing air; perhaps from the girl serving our drinks. It is the only drama happening for the moment. The crowd is starting to get restless, waiting for the magician to appear....Expectations are growing with every sip and gulp. Sitting here, we have nothing else to do, but drink and wait....

L 8)

Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 7:16 pm
by lizzytysh
May I have a Mythos, please :D ?

Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 7:33 pm
by LaurieAK
May I have a Mythos, please ?

See!!!???!!!

If they start ordering tequila you might wanna bring the rabbit too....

I am just trying to help.

L 8)

Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 9:39 pm
by linda_lakeside
Quote:
The loss is profound. The narrator has an uncle who Lived the 'adventures' and I get the feeling was also damaged by them too. Of course had the boy known this, he would have shut the book and met his uncle on terms he did not know existed. But the information came too late for them both.


I'll let it go at this for now [or, perhaps, period]. What Laurie says is so true about so much being packed into your poems. I love reading them.

Love,
Elizabeth
Yes, Andrew does pack a lot into his poetry and Laurie does a fine job of 'picking apart the pieces' so to speak. Now, there is to be a demonstration, as well!? Waiter!! Another round of Mythos, please!

I wonder if he meant 'demonstration' as in people carrying signs and singing anthems? If he doesn't return, we'll get drunk instead!

Linda.

Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 9:58 pm
by lizzytysh
:lol: From my experience, that's going to take a lot of Mythos! We may have to pool our money.

If it's a signage-and-song demonstration, that doesn't so bad, either. Maybe we can go over there. I just hope it's something we know the words to :roll: .

Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 10:13 pm
by LaurieAK
I'm going to have to ask you girls (you Know who you are) to please stop dancing on the tables. There is plenty of time for that sort of thing after the show.

If he doesn't return, we'll get drunk instead!
Linda~consider it done!!

Now, how about another chorus of "Closing Time" .....

Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 10:16 pm
by lizzytysh
"The show"!?! And what "show" might that be? At this rate, we may have to table-clog him onto the stage. Broadsiding him with hints doesn't seem to be working.

Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 10:34 pm
by LaurieAK
"The show"!?! And what "show" might that be?
Now, it's the alcohol starting to talk...a singular sleight of hand trick has now grown into an entire show. I will be very disappointed (and just might cry) if the Bunny does not show up at this point. As long as i don't start drinking tequila I should not become violent when disappointed...at least I usually don't...BTW, where is my margarita!!??!! Waitress!!

eLLLL

Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 10:55 pm
by lizzytysh
Maybe that's where we're going wrong; we're getting drunk when we should be plying him with some red wine. It's so hard to stay focused, sometimes, isn't it!?!

Waitress! A bottle of Merlot, a glass, and an opener, please?

[We'll just talk here, amongst ourselves, until he shows up. We can open the wine when he gets here.]

Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 11:15 pm
by LaurieAK
Waitress! A bottle of Merlot and a glass, please?

pssshaaaah. Liz, I hate to break it to ya, but the guy is not here. I think he is in the back alley practicing 'the trick'-sweat beading up on his forehead as he realizes his audience is drunk and expectations great. Not since the Great Houdini has anyone publicly successfully (there have been tragic failures) caused coins to leave one's pocket minus the use of hands, be they left or right. He does not need wine, he needs a mirac...shit, spilled my drink......

addendum~~~Oh i see you have added an edit, Finally realizing he is absent...dancing on the table is sooo distracting, eh?

Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2005 11:29 pm
by lizzytysh
Yeah, well, this is all probly intentional. The drunker we get, the better his trick looks [you know that Closing Time phenomenon]. Hey ~ in his absence, we might as well have a good time. Grab a chair. I'll help you up. Forget about your drink. There's more where that came from. As a matter of fact, quite a bit more, if we scratch the bottle for him.

Waitress! Forget the Merlot. Thanks :) .

Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 12:03 am
by LaurieAK
Wwwwherez zah BUNNYYYYYY!???!!!
Where iz my ozzer shoe??///?