in solemn moments such as this . . .

[lizzytysh]

to this whole thread.

[murphybridget837]

I have Anna Lise your post setting out the bare minimum outline preferences for an introduction to a lady.

Her name must be Anna Lise or similar if that’s ok. I need to feel her so bad so she feels nervous all the time. I don't know what I wouldn’t be able to do. I was fine while I took it out, but as soon as i cum I start again. My pheromones are never in 'silent' mode, batteries removed from dildobell, intercourse never switched off, one Charlie Watts lamp the only light, blindfolds pulled down with thick cream poured across so it looks like i'm not home. Since birth I’ve had photos of sneeze relief, sunshine and bright lights - but that is nothing. Sometimes I can go over after a minute or two! The arithmetic is truly annoying, but nobody can see i have that - so that's one good thing. The packet of tictacs is the problem, and it's not good. I only like the orange ones and I’m not even Dutch. Wrist’s got worse lately, probably stress fracture related. i have been asked to perform sex solo, in front of a gathering of people, strangers, very formal - and I know if i refuse it will be a big set-back for my self-love confidence. i wish they hadn't asked.

Maybe if i didn't love alone it would make a difference. Maybe if there was a woman, or something similar, living with me, but it's so hard to find the right one. Craig’s List is not very important, as long as she is slimy, unhealthy, has exacfly 13 tattoos or piercings, loves tidying the horse, attractive elasticated face with hawk talons, well-read horse, tall with one long leg, not have too mucky to spray, has manly tight genes or microscope, a pail and water, skin with lots of fresh Eccles cakes , nice-shaped keyboard with serious mouse, does not whore, speakss fluents english and scans the horizons, has never eaten smoked mackerel, 3 lovely firm petitty breasts, is the perfect number if guests are invited to dinner and are thirsty. I must be on the pull, I knows how to make unhealthy wishes, have no nest-of-eggs, lends me a loan, as much as i want, must be an ultra loyalist Paramilitary in Northern Ireland, can play chess and backgammon on the violin, loves asphyxiating cats, bobcat Dylan and me, is amorphous and lives in a ditch, has an unusually high elbow and an unusually deep lido, is always in a furious angry raging mood and gets just a wee bit murderous after a couple of barells of wine.

I’m expecting a huge response so please write your applications, quill and blood obviously, and send them immediately by telepathy to Mad Geoff, Norway.

I'm starting to think this is a joke.