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Why not dedicate your next bestseller to him?

What is weird for me is that he made the effort to come into a classroom that wasn't his to try to put you down. Is there some background to his behaviour that you may not know about? I mean, you already know he is/was a prick.

For example, my cousin went to a school in country Australia, and there was a teacher there who used to call out and call her things like "bolshevik", "communist", "cossack", "Tartar" etc. (obviously she has eastern european associations). She had no idea what he was on about, and he wasn't even her teacher, but he was always there to put her down. Turns out, her much older sister had gone out with a guy in her class years earlier, and this teacher felt that the guy should have gone out with another girl. I'm not sure why but he saw himself as the defender of some screwy rights.

This is a long story without any sense, but all I'm trying to say, is what otehrs have said, Mr W(anker?) obviously has some serious problems, and what he did was totally screwed up, as your classmate realised at the time. Some "teachers" really get off on humiliating kids. It makes them feel big and important. You should feel sorry for him, but mroe sorry for the other kids he has screwed up over the years.

I hope all this posting is giving you some completion. I loved Critic2's suggestion. See what happens when he uses his powers for good?

Lizzy-

I enter from a different slant than you do on this, Laurie. I don't see the 'offense' as being many years ago, but as late as yesterday, in the response that was sent to someone, who [unbeknownst to 'teacher'] was willing to reconnect at this late a date, from a mature [and healing] perspective. Yet, that effort was rebuffed, via a grammatical correction made to a reaching-out e-mail! As triggers do, it refreshed all of the original pain.

I hold dear above all else in life and regarding death, that we are all responsible for ourselves. Information IN is processed internally and reacted to personally. We can choose to react in anger, understanding, patience, etc to any given situation.

John has carried and echoed these hurtful words for decades-the echo comes from within. Whether or not this person who was a jerk 30 years ago is still a jerk is inconsequential for John. We cannot, i repeat cannot change others, only ourselves.

John's mission, as i see it, should he choose to take it, is to exorcise his demon that has been haunting him for so long not to change the bastard teacher or to put him in 'his place' now. It is a red herring to believe dishing out karma is our right as we see fit. The picture is TOO big to do anything but change ourselves.

sermon over.
L

Laurie,

I agree with what you've said...at Johns age and stage it is up to him to shirk this ghost-jerk from his psyche. We ARE all responsible for how we react to input, however I believe that you only learn this as you age and most teenagers being derided by teachers are not in a position to say "hey man, that's your shit not mine". As a kid you take these things on as fact consciously or not, and they become a part of you until you unravel.

Sermon over

HI Insanitor-

Yes. When a teenager, this young man had no tools or experience to deal with what that jerk did other than how he reacted...which was to be terribly hurt, embarassed, etc.

I didn't mean to demean the initial hurt. It was awful what happened.

L

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Dear John,

it's great to know, however, that the teacher W. didn't "hurt you once and for all into silence".


tom

I don't understand what would be gained from writing to an elderly man to inform him that 30 odd years ago he hurt you. Who will it profit? Will it make you feel better will it touch a nerve with him. He along with others made you the man you are today.

I just remembered that useful little adage

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger".

post deleted

Dear John ~

Old pains imbed and linger. Intellectually, we can look at, assess, and know that exorcising them is the only thing to do. Our hearts and psyches were the parts of us that suffered, however; and with them, our pain needs to find other roads out. I'm grateful to be a part of your healing process.

Love,
Elizabeth

Lizzy-

i don't normally question someone's personal opinions. But since your statement here is a consequence of questioning mine, i will respond briefly.

Old pains imbed and linger. Intellectually, we can look at, assess, and know that exorcising them is the only thing to do. Our hearts and psyches were the parts of us that suffered, however; and with them, our pain needs to find other roads out. I'm grateful to be a part of your healing process.

my comment: we are not victims of our own hearts (aka emotions); ultimately it is our heads (intellect) that drive who we are and what we do. Initial reactions are just that. Then we think, feel, think some more. I think it is overly sentimental and unrealistic to look for outside roads to heal wounds or make us feel better about ourselves. To paraphrase W. E. Henley, "We are the masters of our fate. We are the captains of our soul."

Of course my statement to you does not deter from your heartfelt intentions to help John. For that i applaud you and everyone joining this voyage. It is my wish he finds comfort, too.

love,
L

Dear Laurie ~

I also understand what you mean and are saying. The roads I'm referring to are internal ones. They can be those that result in a journey of a million miles, but a journey that will begin only with a first step. I know that those, like yourself, who feel that we are primarily/exclusively about our intellect will find my comments overly sentimental. That's okay, too. I'm not suggesting that we be or are victims of our hearts/emotions, but simply that our hearts are where these hurts register and linger, and then work their way to our minds. I think our difficulty in communicating on this relates to a paradigm difference in our perspectives.

I don't really mean to be questioning your personal beliefs. I feel that we are all providing helpful feedback, that one position is no less valuable than another, and that they all help to piece together a 'holistic' perspective that is appreciated from that perspective.

Love,
Elizabeth

I know that those, like yourself, who feel that we are primarily/exclusively about our intellect will find my comments overly sentimental.

Lizz- This is incorrect and assumptive...it tells me you understand nothing of what i have said. Fair enough.

L

Hmmm. Okay, Laurie. Fair enough. As I said, I don't really mean to be questioning your personal beliefs, as much as to be expressing my own. Would you mind elaborating on what you mean then? I do understand that our thought processes help to or wholly determine our realities; however, processing pain is easier said than done. I'm open to understanding more clearly exactly what you meant.

Love,
Elizabeth

Fellows, from another perspective this appears as a chicken and egg question. Do our emotions (heart) give rise to our thoughts (mind) or do our thoughts (intellect) give rise to our feelings. Now we could argue one case or the other but in reality I think it may well be a two way street; like a continous feedback loop. As our paradigms change so too does the way that we interpret reality. After all a paradigm is only a model to aid with visualisation. For example, the emergence of fractal geometry and Mandelbrot and Julia sets has revolutionised mathematics. The old Euclidian geometry no longer sufficiently explains the workings of the universe. Surely one day our understanding shall take another leap forward and fractal geometry will become old hat.
Once we used to think that our minds captured images much like a camera. If we lost the function of certain brain parts then we lost a part of the picture. (like chopping a piece from the photo) Now we understand more accurately that our brain is like a holograph/hologram. If a hologram is broken each of the pieces contain all the ifo needed to assemble the whole image and our brain functions similarly. Already this paradigm is being changed by our use of computers and so on.
Aren't you glad I waded in with all this hoo haa.

Cheers for now, Witty.