leonardcohenforum.com

Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire


(To: The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole)


Chipmunks roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost ripping up your nose,
Yuletide carolers being thrown in the fire,
And folks dressed up like buffaloes.
Everybody knows a turkey slaughtered in the snow,
Helps to make the season right,
Tiny tots with their eyes all gouged out,
Will find it hard to see tonight.
They know that Santa is on his way,
He's loaded lots of guns and bullets on his sleigh,
And every mother's child is sure to spy,
To see if reindeer really scream when they die.
And so I'm offering this simple phrase,
To kids from one to ninety two,
Although it's been said many times, many ways,
Merry Christmas,
Merry Christmas,
Merry Christmas,
Screw you.

Strangely, only female reindeer have antlers. Perhaps if one of them stops at your house Heretic, she'll shove it up your a**e.
Merry Christmas you miserable sod......

Ah, poor Heretic, your sick humour is sooo misunderstood, heh heh!

Up yours too... with a candy cane.
Now, ain't that sweet?

~ Makera

Heretic, with a christmas offering like THAT, you have no right being a critic to anyone's poetry...........even pseudo-poet's!!!!!
I would stick to TRYING to be a lawyer, you could do a lot worse!!!!
At least in circle six the turkey is ready cooked......in the fires of Hell!!!
Screw you, Heretic/James..............Georges

Hmmm......that's odd. I didn't even get the impression that he wrote them himself. I took them as something he found on the Internet, and posted here.

Malera

This is the seaon to be jolly
Tra-la-la la la la la la

Great

Merry Xmas

Ben

It was Lightning who originally referred to Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire, in another thread. Heretic merely quoted the whole thing for our convenience. Too bad the rest of the piece does not live up to the opening line.

Here ya go guys, check out the Bob Rivers Show website!

Click on the link to his Twisted Tunes, where you can read, &/or listen to, the much better version of "Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire", (half-way down list) + many more.

http://www.twistedtunes.com/show/twistedtunes/xmas.asp

Or, check out the CD:

http://www.twistedtunes.com/store/store ... oductID=21


For the version posted by Heretic:

http://brdbrain.editthispage.com/2000/12/23
(Click on "older lyrics" in first message)

Have fun,
~Makera

** "JINGLE BELLS" Americana **

Dashing through the snow in my rusty Chevrolet
Down the road I go, sliding all the way
I need new piston rings. I need some new snow tires
My car is held together by a piece of chicken wire!

Chorus:
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay
Oh what fun it is to drive this rusty Chevrolet!

I went to IGA to get some Christmas cheer
I just passed up my left front tire and it's gettin' hard to steer
Speeding down the highway, right past the country cop
I have to drag my swampers just to get the car to stop

Chorus:
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke....

Bouncing through the snowdrifts in a big, blue cloud of smoke
People laugh as I drive by, I wonder what's the joke!
I have to get to Wal-Mart to pick up my lay-away
'Cause Santa's comin' soon in his big old rusty sleigh!

Chorus:
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, ....

**********************************************
******************************************************

For a little 'cultural balance', I found this one.

Happy Daze everyone,
~ Makera

Ben Kelly wrote: This is the seaon to be jolly
Tra-la-la la la la la la

Great

Merry Xmas

I found this one, just for you Ben.

To the tune of "DECK THE HALLS"

Deck the malls this Christmas season
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Blow your cash for no good reason
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Push your charge card to its limit
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Your cheque book now has nothing in it
Fa la la la la, la la la la

Merry Christmas
~ Makera

The Chevrolet Christmas one is hilarious, Makera ! If it weren't for the snow and the I.G.A. [I'd forgotten about them ~ we had them in Michigan], it woulda, coulda, shoulda been written about Putnam County, where I live ! Whoever wrote it did an excellent job with keeping the rhyme and meter[?] correct!

~ Lizzy

Hee hee, yeah Liz, I thought you'd like that one!

Have you checked out the Bob Rivers version of "Roasting Chipmunks"? It's really not too nasty, quite funny, if a little twisted.

~Makera

PS. I discovered I don't know the American language as well as I thought. Liz, you're going to have to translate. What's I.G.A., and 'swampers'?
(I know 'lay-away' is what 'we' call 'lay-by' [pay it off].)

Makera ~

I.G.A. is a supermarket [chain?], but they don't have them down here. Don't know where the dividing line is. If it's only one state that they're in, then the 'song' was written in Michigan. I put periods after the letters, as that's how it's pronounced, each letter separately.

"Lay-away," yes, is where the store keeps the product stored in the back, storage area, until it's completely paid for, and then you get to take it home. It generally requires that you make an initial deposit of at least 10%, in order for them to hold it for you and let you pay on it.

"Swampers" ~ no idea. With where I live, it could refer to the sports teams of University of Florida. Ah-h-h-h, that's right, you're living in Tennessee, so that probably is it. There's a long-standing rivalry between the University of Tennessee[?], and the University of Florida. I think that's the right school. It's definitely a college in Tennessee. Because there are swampy areas and many alligators, the U. of F. teams is the "Gators." Many references are made to the effect of, "Don't come into the Swamp. You'll never make it out alive." Those kinds of jibes made to teams competing with them. So "Swampers" would likely refer to someone from the University of Florida, or generalized, to anyone from this area. Or, more unlikely, but still possible, anyone from Florida.

My speakers aren't working yet, so I haven't checked out Bob Rivers' version. I know Lightning wouldn't have suggested such a sordid version as what Heretic quoted, so it likely was Bob Rivers' rendition. Does the site have the words printed out, as well? [ Guess I could just go and check that out for myself, wouldn't ya think!?! ]

~ Lizzy

Hi Lizzytysh!

Swampers are tires, radial tires. Used mostly in off-road driving.

I think swampers can also mean truckdriver's sidekick.