leonardcohenforum.com

Manna wrote:One of the strings in the movie served to show me once and for all that any evening/night/dusk that is hot/steamy/steaming/moist/warm/wet/sultry is a cliché.

How about ?


I sat suspended in the cliché
of a steamy evening
in front of the Master


just wondering if it would be made less of a cliché if it is said to be a cliché.

It doesn't seem as bad, but you'd need a worthy reason to intentionally start a poem with Here's a cliché...

Manna wrote:It doesn't seem as bad, but you'd need a worthy reason to intentionally start a poem with Here's a cliché...

A very worthy reason would be "It doesn't seem as bad to Manna"

Of course I am joking. A reason could be to convey to the reader that she was immediately confronted by the abstract.

The power of relation suspended her from being a body in a crowd to someone being personally addressed.

Entering a cliché was the lifting point.

Jack

ha!

Manna wrote:ha!

You caught me between edits

or

Sitting suspended in a
steamy evening cliché
in front of the Master

Deelyn wrote: in Melbourne and two days later the temperature in and around Melbourne
reached 45 C and higher.

Hi Deelyn

This and the information from Imaginary Friend very much changed how i approached the title of your poem. Here february is about our coldest month and the moment I see the word February I get chills and so if you placed February in your title to convey heat - it doesn't work for me.

If you did place February in the title to convey heat then that I think would be what Manna meant by items in your poem being self centered without it meaning that you are self centered.

Does that make sense?

Jack

Hi Manna,

I guess that on any site there is the chance that cyber space will become hungry and eat someones words
I wrote to you last evening but the words never found their way to this site, I guess they were eaten.

I have no time tonight to rewrite them as I have a daughter in crisis who needs my time more, be assured I 'll be back and we shall continue our discussion.

Deelyn

Hi Manna

I am back and ready to continue with the workshop I do hope you are still prepared to do so.

Thank you my daughter is feeling better: she has a mental illness.
However that tale is for another time.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Sorry, I've run out of stamina to work on it. It may not be salvageable in this form. It might be nice to start from scratch with an image or something interesting for the reader.

Hi Manna,

I am sorry to hear of your lack of stamina re: this piece.
However I am not perturbed.
To me who was there on that night it sits right and that really is all that is important to me.
I may post some more bits and bobs on this site another time.

Take care

Manna wrote:Sorry, I've run out of stamina to work on it. It may not be salvageable in this form. It might be nice to start from scratch with an image or something interesting for the reader.

It was very generous of you to have spent time on this piece, Manna, as it was already close to perfect. I have to go now as I can feel some tentacles stroking my breasts and my body is starting to throb.

Sue