The Hill

[Manna]

[lazariuk]

or maybe he is climbing inside where everything looks daka.

Wasn't that your job Daka, to get inside people?

Did your job make you difficult to be with?

From "Ballad of the Sad Cafe"
"It is for this reason that most of us would rather love than be loved. Almost everyone wants to be the lover. And the curt truth is that, in a deep secret way, the state of being beloved is intolerable to many. The beloved fears and hates the lover, and with the best of reasons. For the lover is forever trying to strip bare the beloved."

[daka]

Hello Manna

When 'relationship' dramas are the topic of discussion, which is quite often, I remember my series of hills and my Mt. Everest. They all had to be climbed and descended, but as we know Mt. Everest is special, it can be a heart-breaker and a killer, and a thriller.

I don't think I am at all bitter when I re-visit that experience. (But I might be wrong!). I certainly don't blame Susan at all, as her behavior could not be faulted. When I take a close look at the aggregate of hell-realmish suffering that we both experienced I am, once again, mystified, shocked, horrifed and humbled. The capacity of the human mind to manifest such a psychotic drama is truly a 'wonder of the world' like Niagara Falls.

It took us both over five years to be able to 'move on', to actually separate emotionally, I was not the only person experiencing this, it was a shared extended five-year 'moment'.

I discovered Buddhism and meditation, and my spiritual path, and I was able to put it all behind me. I understand today that the worst thing that could have happened for me would have been an avoidance of that terrible crucifixion. It was that separation that permitted me to learn what I have learned in the last 14 years, which I cannot even imagine not learning. The truth is that the unending blissful status quo would have been a worse nightmare for me than the relationship dissolution. If I had to choose I would brave my crucifixion on Everest! One year of psychotic bliss was enough!

Jack is right, that there was an element of sabotage, that it is harder to be loved than to love. I did sabotage that relationship, big-time.

I don't think me being a psychotherapist had anything to do with it; being a silly self-centered man did have a lot to do with it.

I sing and play 'Hallelujah' a lot, and I remember my Hill... (And my blissful valley!!)

Sean

[daka]

On the train to Galway early this morning I got to thinking about Susan again and this little bit manifested:

Susan 2

I was wondering why
I often think of you
After all these years
Now that all the pain
And dreams have disappeared.
It's not about the romance
Or the sensuality
I am not so hungry
Nor am I lonely.
When you come to mind
I can feel
The magnetic force
Of your being,
An inviting absence
Of a person or persona,
Of self image,
No sign of any class
Middle high or low,
I can safely touch your caste
And tumble into
Your authenticity.
In your world
There's room enough
For me.

Sean

[jimbo]

Daka are you coming to kerry............???

FREE b & b.............

[damellon]

Jimbo
Is this an open invitation or only for fellow poets such as Daka?

[jimbo]

all are welcome I can keep three
any time D.............

Daka seems to have lost his voice.............

[daka]

I've lost my connection in Galway, Jimbo... internet, neighbor's sporadic wifi, that is.

I have always wanted to see Kerry, as I have heard so many things about it, about how special the place is. I don't know if I can make it, I will try. I have to return to Spain from Dublin Tuesday afternoon. Perhaps I can come on Sunday or Monday and leave Tuesday am. Send me an email sean@fiach.ca or phone me at 091 786938. I will be around most of this weekend.

Cheers

Sean