LC Walking Weekend (2009 - 2017)

[Paula]

The cold weather has dissipated
Pete's big ditties are reinstated

[Pete]

Such an enormous ditty
A blessing - not a curse.

Luck for some Pete ! But then my lovely Jean says it's not the size of the gun but the power of the shot !

...unless you're firing blanks

[Yorkshire Lad]

Roll on our next meet up, wherever or whenever it will be.

Dear Barmouthians
Due to withdrawal symptoms frequently experienced by certain Barmouthians for another walking weekend I have decided to exacate a mountain in my back garden this summer. There will be a railway to the top of course and tickets can be purchased in my kitchen . Please queue in single file so as not to block a path way to the fridge where the beer is kept.
I have renamed my conservatory "The Royal " with soft music of the irish sea lapping against the rocks and I am in the process of teaching my next door neighbour a few Elvis songs to perform on request ( My wife says he has already got the uniform . I found it a little strange she knew that ) . I am also hopeful we can get Pete ,Joe and henning to give us a few verses of "on Ilkley moor bart at "
Unfortunately Barnsley does not possess miles of sun kissed beaches to stroll along but there are plenty of disused coal stacks and lets face it shale and shingle its all fossil in't it but try burning shingle when tha' skint.
Once the mountain summit has been reached it will be a fantastic opportunity to see the view of complete derelection that the dependance on the financial sector has caused .
Saturday afternoon will see an optional visit to some whippet racing ( flat cap must be worn on religious grounds ) followed by a evening gala concert by the local colliery band that's if both of them are free .
Sunday our final day will be spent much in the same way as the Barmouth experience but this time we will be looking for a different kind of "prisoner "or as they prefer to be called ex cons as we travel to the edge of town to try and secure your release.
Anyone wishing to participate in the experience of a lifetime please send me a twenty pound note . Not as a deposit but so I can send you a forged one in it's place to try and bring some legitimacy to the currency in these parts
Come on don't be shy
Give yorkshire a try
Phil

[Diane]

Brilliant Phil:-) Put my name down! I don't have £20 though: I'll do the washing up instead, OK. Will crab be on the menu?

[Paula]

Phil – your meeting sounds intriguing.

I have a slight problem with very tall mountains would it be possible to have it no taller than 3’ 6” I have been experimenting with how high I can climb without vertigo and I have reached the height of 3’ 6” without any problem whatsoever.

I would also rather buy my ticket in advance through Ticketmaster if possible there can sometimes be a sudden rush when the people who said they were climbing decide to take the train and I do not want to be stuck on the top for any length of time, if there are advance bookings these sort of problem can be avoided.

I think your idea of Pete, Joe and Henning providing the entertainment is excellent. I would request a rendition of Val Doonigan’s “Delaney had a donkey” one of my personal favourites and one which was not played in the Royal so in essence some new material would be nice.

I am obviously coming from the smoke so will there be special air filters with carbon monoxide embedded in them so I do not have to try and breath fresh air immediately. I have tried it before and it leaves me very light headed.

On the whole I think your meet is an excellent idea and I will be sending the £20 shortly. Could you just let me have all your bank details and passwords so I know it is going to the correct account.

[Pete]

Paula
You need to know that in order to get to Yorkshire from London you will have to travel through Derbyshire for which you will need a visa. There is a 10 yr waiting list for Derbyshire visas but I know a man down t'market who can get you one for a small price.
If you could be so kind to send me a £50 note I can put the wheels in motion. Thanking you in anticipation.
You might decide that this is too high a price to pay and thus fly instead. I'm afraid to say that you still need the visa to fly in Derbyshire air space unless you go by hot air balloon - but somehow I don't think that you'd like that - they don't do balloons in your colour - green.

Phil
Will the mountain be high to have snow on the top?
Also.... you fail to mention the local cuisine. Only beer is mentioned. Are there any chip shops in Yorkshire? Do the local B+B's serve eggs? Do you have jam on your Yorkshire pudding?
Do Yorkshire lads chat up Irish ladies?
So many questions............

Pete

[Joe Way]

Dear Phil,
Excellent plan-you can count Anne & I in. Can you please convert the 20 pounds to Yankee dollars? Also, I will start training right away so that I am not huffing and puffing quite so much. Will there be a problem if Anne switches from the full Yorkshire breakfast to poached eggs on the 2nd morning?

Dear Paula, please send me the sheet music to "Delaney had a Donkey" and I will start working on it right away-is it in duple or triple time?

This is all a wonderful way to get me out of the winter doldrums. It was 14 below zero when I walked into work yesterday, but had climbed to only 5 below this morning.

Joe

[Paula]

Pete – thank you so much for your offer of obtaining me a visa. I was hoping that once I hit the Derbyshire border I could apply for asylum thereby negating the need for a visa.

I am looking forward to this meet up I really hope there will be time in the busy schedule to visit some allotments and, if I am really lucky, see some homing pigeons. The pigeons in London are the poor cousins and often only have one leg and a dodgy eye so to see pigeons in their natural environment will be the icing on the cake.

[Diane]

Saturday afternoon will see an optional visit to some whippet racing ( flat cap must be worn on religious grounds )

Leonard in his flat cap and our Margaret at the Richard Goodall art gallery, Manchester 2007

edited for sanity.

[Yorkshire Lad]

Where do I begin? So many questions . Now I realise the gratitude we owe to Diane and Tim for the Barmouth experience. All I can do is try and respond to all your queries as best I can
First of all Diane Unfortunately your offer to do the washing up by way of a deposit cannot be accepted . We have a strict rule in our house that I do the pots when there is a "y" in the day and Jean does the rest.
Will crab be on the menu? That depends if you can stop it shooting off your plate and on to the said menu. My advice to guests would be to sit on the menu so the crabs . sorry crab cannot cause any unwanted damage.
Sadly Leonard's cap is far too posh to be classed as one a yorkshireman would wear for a start there is no pigeon s... marks on it or a woodbine hidden in the neb
Paula I am sorry to hear of your vertigo problem and I have ordered a mini mountain to be built adjacent to the big one . Obviously the view from the top will not be as good but It will definitely be as "breathtaking " literally as you will still be forced to inhale the industrial smog that is still lingering twenty years after all the industry disappeared . As for the special air filters all the men here wear balaclarvers to cover there mouths especially when they are on nights working for the "national census" inspecting properties . I will have to turn down your request for "delaney had a donkey "due to the fact that my father has just finished a lengthy stint with gamblers anonymous and the mere mention of "donkies " would bring on his anxiety attacks .
Btw you asked for my bank details . Well all I can remember is there are two floors,an interview room and an enormous cupboard saying bankers bonus taking up most of the floor space. I think there is a basement but I will confirm that as soon as we have finished the tunnel from the attached property .
Hi Pete . Sadly you are truthfull to Paula when you say there is a long waiting list for a Derbyshire visa but what you fail to tell her is how this came about . It was when the authorities decided to merge the application form with a request form for a ticket to the game that sealed Derbyshire winning the cricket county championship . I think you can now appreciate Paula you might have a long wait .
Pete ... Jam on yorkshire puddings sacrilege !!!
Joe I am thrilled you and Anne will be adding an international perspective to our humble event . Maybe you can take some tips back to Madison with you . I am thinking maybe there might be the possiblity of twinning . JOE ! jOE! speak to me Joe . Well maybe not !. As to Annes breakfast request ! Unfortunately I am having to dispose of the chicken run to make way for the mountain(s) .But in time there should be some mountain goats cheese to make welsh rarebit . It should be called Barnsley rarebit but thats a lady of the night in these parts
Finally someone mentioned it might be a good idea to seek asylum while here . Well I can tell you that is a great idea as there are hundreds of asylums in yorkshire and out of the ones Jean applied to nearly all of them said they would have me . Nice and cosy but the uniform is a bit tight !
Yours in insanity
Phil

[Paula]

Dear Joe – I was touched when I saw your post, but now the police are involved I can say no more about that, It is a double-edged sword Phil vetoing “Delaney had a donkey” it is a personal favourite but I am slightly relieved as I was not sure how I would get the rocking chair to Yorkshire. I have cancelled my order of the sheet music which is a shame because I really think you could have done it justice.

Phil thank you for building the smaller mountain along side. Will I need crampons?

It comes as no surprise that Pete was economical with the truth with regard to the visas. Between you and me I think £50 is excessive and I am concerned that Pete might be making a large profit on this. It occurs to me that since he retired this little sideline of his might be quite lucrative.

Must go I am starting my first lesson in Yorkshire speak today, I have already learnt “I’ll go to the foot of our stairs”, obviously this is no use to me I live in a basement but I am hoping to learn more useful phases the more I go there.

Oh and you will be pleased to know I am getting my three flying ducks any days now. Ekky thump!!!

[Yorkshire Lad]

Phil thank you for building the smaller mountain along side. Will I need crampons?

Now I have had a word with my lovely Jean on this matter and she says it all depends on what time of the month we climb ! Whatever that means?

[Byron]

Phil, given the height of the mountainous region within the environs of your northern domicile, would I be able to traverse the upper cols, whilst wearing my 'electronic tag' which is fitted to me left ankle? The last thing I would need is to spoil the day's expedition in the grandeur of the mountain, by having a police helicopter swooping down to grab me by me 'carabiners' or pink bungie and hauling me off to the nearest caboose, on account of ascending to a height that I have been forbidden to do, under the terms of me bail.

Do we need to alert the local mountain rescue team of the intended adventure ? Perhaps the local fire brigade could be on stand by for any of the ladies who may feel a bit faint during the climb. I'm sure they would 'feel' much better in the presence of big, chunky firemen whose only desire would be to carry them off (down the mountain side) or somethin' like that. Perhaps, Kwills, Paula and the married woman I live with, would wish to add their names to a list of the first to be carried away by the firemen ?

[Yorkshire Lad]

Dear Byron
Due to the condem cuts Barnsley council now only possess one public service vehicle and therefore the fire,'police and ambulance operate it on a shared basis. The council have therefore issued all the residents with a rota sheet:
Monday and Weds is (fire engine day) okay to have your house catch fire

Tues and Friday ( police car day )these are the days to leave your doors and windows unlocked

Thurs and Sat ( Ambulance day ) Days to do jobs where the likely outcome is serious injury

Sundays are double time so nobody is on duty

Therefore given that the event is taking place on Fri,Sat and Sun my advice would be Dont leave any valubles in our house when you first arrive . Make sure if you fall off the mountain it is on the Saturday and on the Sunday stay in bed until your train is due.
If your need any more information on Barnsleys public services please ring the telephone box outside the town hall and hope someone answers
PS dont ring when its raining as she does not work because the park bench she sits on gets too wet . Something to do with health and safety apparently
Phil

[Byron]

"PS dont ring when its raining as she does not work because the park bench she sits on gets too wet . Something to do with health and safety apparently
Phil"

She must be related to that train driver in the sarf-east who refused to drive the train cos the driver's seat was wet on account of the rain coming through the window. Some people have a really hard life, and are the unswung heroes of our bigish society.

I could bring a first aid box of plasters to use on saturday if the ambulance runs out of any?