leonardcohenforum.com

But I don't really want to think about that one for too long.

Linda

Linda wrote:

The ravens of responsibility caw.

Well, this beats my 'pigeons of responsibility' with a big stick!

Byron wrote:

The flame of eternal promise licks the seat of curried favours......

Byron, this is packed with circular delight!

The only thing missing is a furry creature (i think).

L

.....What's cheese for the mouse....is a snack for the rat...

Their cave of dead end relationships, was occupied by the bear of great remorse.

OR

Within their cave of dead end relationships, slept the bear of great remorse.

LOVE TEACHES EVEN ASSES TO DANCE.


(FRENCH PROVERB)

The upstream-spawn, that reflected their morning ritual, was slapped awake by the salmon of self-awareness.

Like the mossy bed of a forest floor, their sheltered lives were dampened by the hoary marmot of hopelessness.

With life mirroring the sunken feeling of a hunting seal, the seagull of hope saved the day.

Discouraged by the silence of averted eyes, the maxim writer looked to tree tops, for help from the eagle of inspiration.

Okay. I'm done! (YaY)

The Eagle, Proud and Free, looked down on those on Earth, and were lifted, ever higher, on winds we can never see nor touch.




Anon.

Ahem.

OK. Laurie, I went to seconds of trouble to write the above, can you pls crit?

Linda.

PS: Never mind that there's only one Eagle and the word 'were' or something tense-like. Like I have a tense on headache.

Linda wrote:

The Eagle, Proud and Free, looked down on those on Earth, and were lifted, ever higher, on winds we can never see nor touch.

OK. Laurie, I went to seconds of trouble to write the above, can you pls crit?

Linda~

Sorry to hear you have a tense-on headache. I believe it can be cured by writing an essay using first-person-omniscient POV about a character who time travels. Really. Try it. (and take 2 aspirin)

As for your crit. Where do I start?
First off the random capitalizations are clearly the work of an amateur. They do nothing to enhance the sentence or concept therein. Besides, eagles are inherently 'proud' and 'free' so it is redundant, at best and cliche as a close contender of 'things-not-to-do-or-say-in-this-(here)-particular-sentence.'
Nextly....What? are these astro-eagles? Looking down on Earth? And what about their pockets? I Can't Believe you forgot to mention their pockets (and the change within).
Thirdly, I for one, Can touch the wind and am touched by it on a regular basis. I mean, haven't YOU ever had your hair or clothes mussed up?? As a reader, I am beginning to feel you are trying to lie to me and am questioning everything I have now read to this point. My eye has become jaded, creating an atmosphere of mistrust I fear cannot be undone.

Otherwise, great piece!

Thanks for sharing.

L

Thank Laurie,

I'm so glad you loved it!! I've accompanied myself on ukulele with this piece and your over-the-top compliments have me thinking that you might want to 'steal' my creation. I think I'd be one wise woman to keep these lovely images from your, obviously, jealous claws. Caw. Caw.

Linda (Proud and Free!)

PS: In the time it took me to read your accolades, I've composed a part for the tuba, your near embarrassing praise has inspired me! I can churn this stuff out by the trumble-load!

Linda (tubalele) Lakeside~

Well, hard as i tried to be discreet, you ferreted me out. I am extremely envious of your magnificent sentence. sigh. And of course, it was my intention to steal your 'raven' line and leave the country with it hidden in my carry-on luggage, in the secret compartment.

We were going to live, happilyeverafter (past-tense!). You have foiled my plan by exposing me and my jealous ways...AND you can play the tubalele. sigh. My turtle of well-being tells me all the time to not compare myself to others, that it is futile and defeating, but, i cannot seem to help myself (except to your writings i wish were mine). sigh.

L

Oh! Dearest Defeated Laurie!!

How my heart hurts for you! I had no idea.

Laurie wrote:My turtle of well-being tells me all the time to not compare myself to others, that it is futile and defeating, but, i cannot seem to help myself (except to your writings i wish were mine). sigh.

.

May your weasel of wisdom and your cricket of creativity deaden your pain. I wish I had known of the depths to which you had fallen, Fair Lady Laurie. I would have written a tome. For you. Alome.

Hey! I think I have a muse in my shoes. I'll get started on that tome straight away!

Linda.