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..and as for removing my shoes...does that mean I need a clean pair of socks?

No, of course not, Pete. Just be your normal, barefoot self. You clearly live close to the earth, so they won't find it odd, at all... no odder than you .

Pete wrote:Remove my belt??? My trousers will fall down!!
Pete

That's the part I love the most when I travel abroad but then I was always a bit of an exhibitionist !

Phil I love your grumpy old men poem.

I agree with Ken and Bernie I just log on to this thread now. We should keep this thread going for the die hards.

Pete by the time you get your passport you will probably need your fingerprints and irises included on the data no use at all for Abu Hamza Al-Masri.

Paula wrote:Pete by the time you get your passport you will probably need your fingerprints and irises included .

I don't have any irises but I can manage some crocuses..will that be OK?

..............and as you only wear slippers, taking your shoes off will be a doddle. NO laces to undo, which is important for someone with a bad back

....better still to cut out all the invasive security body searches and the laborious taking off of belts and shoes do as i did last week and just turn up at security with shoes in hand with one piece of cabin luggage and completely naked and they will soon pass you thru to the departure lounge.... my court case comes up next thursday

What a punchline

the best laugh I had all week

by the way... nice ass Ken

tinderella wrote: nice ass Ken

aw-shucks bernie...i betcha say that to every naked fella you see at airport check-ins

tinderella wrote:by the way... nice ass Ken

Nice one Ken ! It takes some cheek to pull a stunt like that !
YL

Ken you are like a good bottle of wine.... improving with age

Here's a bit of light relief for all my educated Barmouthian friends ;
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.'
The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.


My favourite is you've guessed it no 17 . It's the one i can relate to the most

yeah, nice bum Ken.

You lot are great:-)

philip any more posts like your last and i will do my best to have your commemorative window de-commissoned and removed...you are supposed to be a poet not a vulgar bar room joker...

...in other news it seems that my idea of getting thru airport security is catching on...this was the scene at liverpool airport this afternoon...

Phil & Ken,
You always make me come back to this thread! Hope it never ends.

Joe

Hey Joe, hope you and Ann are well. Ken it's getting a bit nippy of late. I think you should put your clothes back on. Hope your back is recovered btw. Phil they are old ones, but I do like those word play thingies.

Pete, I am hopeless at filling in forms, so I have taken to completing them with lines from songs. I suggest you write on your passport application Elton John's - "I was made in England, like a blue cortina." I do like that line, and that will surely suffice.

Happy to have been of assistance.