A thundercloud's a-comin'

This is for your own works!!!
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Boss
Posts: 1544
Joined: Mon May 16, 2005 1:56 pm
Location: Kookaburra

A thundercloud's a-comin'

Post by Boss »

I'm divorced from my feelings
In this shopping mall dawn
Where the heart is abandoned
I forgot how to mourn

Where money's the in-thing
Dull humour the credo
Everyone's an Adonis
Sarcastic libido

The game's up, it's over
From our venomous tongue
Three strikes and you're out
The fat lady's sung

And they dance in Jakarta
Mumbai, Bangalore
They dance in Alberta
I wonder what for

Our ship she is sinking
The captain asleep
A fierce storm's a-howling
The sea bed's too deep

We drink from old bottles
Get pissed, ease the pain
We rub out the onus
"'Twas him, he's to blame"

We dance in the system
In weak dying ritual
Our gods 'just' and 'moral'
Everything is so literal

God is beyond time
Guess what, so are you
Can you answer the question
"How do you do?"

Ignore the profound
The ineffable and real
Forget about Oneness
Our handicapped zeal

Embarrassed of your body
Hold that flab, tuck it in
Step out of the danger
Hate the colour of your skin

Laugh at the lonely
In your heart's secret chasms
Sneer at his limp
His medicated spasms

War with your brother
Your children, your ex's
Scream at your lover
This bane of the sexes

Something is missing
The sacred, the holy
They were sold out on E-bay
With Angelina Jolie

They link us to life
We are opened in them
To all those descended
From Noah's son Shem

Just seek out the mystery
We are never apart
A common infinity
Eternal love spark

It's all gotta change
Thru' these ribbons of time
We gotta find hope
In our daydream, our crime

The future it calls us
In clear resonance
It's our generation
We sit on the fence
Last edited by Boss on Mon Jun 25, 2007 1:40 am, edited 2 times in total.
'In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer' - Albert Camus
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mat james
Posts: 1847
Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 8:06 am
Location: Australia

Post by mat james »

Just seek out the mystery
We are never apart
A common infinity
Eternal love spark
That'll do Boss :P :lol:

Matj
"Without light or guide, save that which burned in my heart." San Juan de la Cruz.
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lizzytysh
Posts: 25531
Joined: Thu Jun 27, 2002 8:57 pm
Location: Florida, U.S.A.

Post by lizzytysh »

Just seek out the mystery
We are never apart
A common infinity
Eternal love spark
I like that very much, in fact. Thanks for bringing it out, Mat. This was one poem that I had intended to return to later, and then hadn't.


~ Lizzy
Sherry
Posts: 190
Joined: Thu Oct 13, 2005 6:24 pm
Location: Geneva CH

Post by Sherry »

Hi Adam,

I like your poem very much, particularly how you have gone from being ‘divorced from your own feelings,’ to a whole generation ‘sitting on the fence.’ I hope you don’t mind, but I just have a couple of suggestions:

(1) In stanza 7, I would suggest changing “Everything is so literal” to “Everything so literal” so that the rhythm flows better; (2) I really don’t think you need the last two stanzas. I think “It's our generation / We sit on the fence” wraps it up very nicely.


Sherry
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