Daddy's Little Princess.

[Violet]

.. you know, Leonard, my love.. don't think it never occurred to me that maybe--just maybe.. I should be somewhat hesitant about delving into the darkly weird side of the music scene out on the Sunset Strip, starting in the mid-1960's. I mean, don't think that a little red--or even a few little red lights didn't go off in my mind after my having the thought:

hey, what was that material I once read on the music scene that was really quite fascinating??.. maybe I should dig that up and have another look at that.. yeah, I think I'll do that.. by golly, I think I will.

.. but, yes.. these little red lights DID go off.. but did I pay any mind to these little red lights??.. did I????.. no.. no, I didn't pay any mind. And here I am now, having to pay the piper, instead.

.. but, there's really nothing for me to do but to forge ahead, no matter what my reservations may be.. and even if it won't exactly make me the most popular person on the block, as surely it won't.

[sigh]

.. okay, well, I just thought I'd make my confession to you, my love. Now you know.

[another sigh]

.. I'm tired, having had a lousy night's sleep last night.. [no doubt I was grinding my teeth again].. so.. I guess I should just call it quits on this one. But the weather was sensational today. I was even wearing shorts again for my bike ride.. [without tights, I mean].. so, it's really like an Indian summer almost.

.. okay, well.. if I'm a bit scarce here for a while--posting wise, I mean--just know I'm trying to get through this next section of writing. I don't know why it's such torture, but it seems it is. I know I sigh a lot as I'm writing it, which is probably a good gauge. I mean, I'll actually catch myself sighing. [and, yes, I'm even sighing writing this post, just telling you about it]

.. so..

.. alright, I just went to youtube, and thought to post this one of yours. [my angel] I remember when I was first listening to this CD.. I was driving on this highway that I was unfamiliar with, trying to find my cousin's house somewhere in Connecticut, but.. well, as has happened to me before when I'm listening to you.. I KEPT missing the exits.. then I had to drive miles and miles out of my way.. turn around.. and AGAIN I'd miss the exit. But it's all your fault, my love.. I get lost in your music.

.. anyway, this song is forever linked to that highway, which was tree-lined, and narrow, and bright with sun.. timeless feeling.. (though maybe that was due to you, as well)

.. oh, and just now I realized that.. well, that here I am writing you these letters.. and so

.. (actually, before I go..

.. I do miss you, my love.. x.. more than I'm even allowing myself to say)..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cx8RXWKy ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x xxx x.. xx x.. xx..

[Violet]

.. Leonard, my love.. I’ve not written a poem in a while, since I’m writing this story.. which has its poetic moments, you could say. But this early evening I found

well, here’s what I wrote:



My dearest fall


I’m saving this fall leaf for you,
pressed inside your

Book of Longing.

It seems a painting, almost,
with deep orange
and yellow, and the brightest
spring green.

I guess that’s what caught my eye: its
trace of spring
and fall; its veins
the life line
in one’s hand—your hand, and
what it tells
of
what you’ve seen.

And, yes, it feels like flesh to me,
this lovely leaf

and when I press my palm against it,
it's the flesh of my own hand
to yours

and what I felt when I caressed it,
was the touch of your soft skin
to mine

(now pressed inside your

longing)



x

[imaginary friend]

Dear Violet,

I love this delicate + sensuous poem.

XO

[Violet]

.. hi, I.F.. thank you for that. It feels a part of my heart somehow.

.. Leonard, my love.. I've been very very good today. I felt more focused than I have in a while. Well, yesterday I did some research that maybe added another layer to things, but that bothered me, since I want to be finishing writing this section, not researching more. But today, I thought I was bringing a lot of the ideas I'm working with together somehow. So, I'm feeling a bit more hopeful, in that respect.. and hoping, too, that it means I'm closing in on finishing this section, finally.

.. actually, I wanted to try to describe something to you as concerns the fall up here.. I mean, given I'm usually in a rather industrial section of the city in the fall, I never really get the full impact of it. But up here.. actually, this might be the most fall I've ever experienced, in fact.. which is also due to these bike rides I've been taking. But, what I wanted to try and describe is how the vibrant colors of the leaves all around me as I ride my bike has me remembering.. [and repeatedly, for the last few days, now].. this rather indelible dream I once had.. a dream where I was walking up the street of my childhood, and all around me were just such vivid-seeming fall trees.. so vivid, in fact, that I AWOKE INSIDE THE DREAM. [something known as "lucid dreaming," if you've never heard of that before] [although somehow I think you probably must have].. Anyway, I don't remember now how I handled that, exactly. It's rather like steering an unwieldy vehicle once that happens, since your conscious mind is just so amazed to find that it's actually meeting up with this unconscious dimension. Actually, there are those who make a practice of such dreaming.. and.. well, now I'm wondering if Castaneda ever made mention of it, since so much of what he has Don Juan discuss feels to be that kind of experience. [if a lot more far out, I guess you'd have to call it]

.. so, anyway, that's what it's been like these days--to be awake in a dream--as I ride my bike with this vibrant fall forest all around me.. and as I think of you, my love.

.. as to this youtube link.. I found myself writing about an orange-colored sky, which Agent Longing and Violet are encountering.. and somehow that led to my coming upon this, as well.. (oh, I just realized how the fallout shelter film might fit in with this tune)..

.. here's my little kiss to you.. x.. I miss you, and do hope all is well..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MUvYq68KTg
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x xx.. xx x.. xx.. x x x..

[Violet]

.. my beloved.. I'm tired. I think I have computer burn-out, in fact.. so I'll just stop in for a sec. Anyway, I found some material--well, actually, it's material I already knew about, but I sort of had it on the back burner sort-of-thing, since it's so over-the-top I thought [initially, at least] that it might well be disinformation, and so I was just keeping it in the back of my mind.. But now, since I have to fill in some of the holes in the original research I'm working with.. well, somehow this hideous hideous stuff came up again. Not only that, I found the entire doc, when in the past I'd only seen a few pages of it--oh, and it has these pretty scary links too that go all over the place.. and so.. well, it's that black hole syndrome.. you just go deeper and deeper, and the prognosis just gets worse and worse.. and, I mean, I'm only entertaining these ideas since I have a lot of cross-referencing going on at this point, from sources that seem legit.

.. so, anyway.. I guess I'll see what I think in the morning. Or I'll print out some of this stuff and read it tonight. [since it's exactly the sort of stuff you want to read just before going to bed]

[sigh]

.. as to this youtube selection.. it's a song I've only come upon fairly recently, and I find its melody rather haunting.. [actually, I'm thinking that maybe I need to heed its warning, too]..

.. okay, my love.. my tired little kiss to you.. x.. (I'm afraid the nice weather finally gave out, and it's cloudy and damp and cold-feeling once more).. (maybe a few more kisses, then, to warm me up.. xx x x).. (I miss you)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBxbWkf4z-E
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x x.. xx x x.. xx x..

[Violet]

EVICT OCCUPY WALL STREET ??

.. I just signed a petition asking our billionaire mayor to please not kick the "occupiers" out of Zuccotti Park [i.e. Liberty Plaza]..

.. seems he's intent on "cleaning" the park, which I think the protestors already have in hand.. [the cleaning aspect, I mean].. so, it seems there could be a real show down at 7 a.m. tomorrow morning.

.. meanwhile, October 15th is slated as an international day of protest:

http://15october.net/


.. Leonard, my love--how are you?.. The dreary weather is still here, although I did make it to our lake early this evening, even in a dewy spray of drizzly rain. Still, the lake was rather beautiful, with most of it dreamily vanishing into the fog.

.. writing wise, I spent more time in the black hole today, but plan on emerging as soon as I am able. I know I have to do this every once in a while, so, I guess now's that time. I am getting some stuff that I think will help fill in those holes I mentioned.. so..

.. you know, I thought I had some type of black parody going on with a lot of what I'd been writing for Agent Longing and Violet.. especially in the earlier segments.. but the more I research this stuff, the more I'm realizing how frighteningly close to reality it is. All I need to find out now is that Dick Cheney's brain is a bomb, and I think I've got pretty much everything else covered.

[big sigh]

.. oh, I dreamt of you last night. It was an elaborate dream that went on and on. In part of the dream you were younger, I think because I looked at a photo of you from your Hydra days yesterday, and that must have stayed with me somehow.. but in other parts of the dream you were the age you are now. At one point we were meeting up with friends--I think on a beach somewhere--people you'd not seen in a long while. It seems in all these dreams I have of you there are others around us that know only you. Anyway, what was nice about the dream was that I was your love. There was no doubt about that.. [actually, just the thought of that makes me all tingly]

.. anyway, I awoke a bit forlorn feeling.. needing you.

[another sigh]

.. well, I'm off to a rainy day in Gotham tomorrow. I don't think tomorrow is the day I will join the protestors, though it's been on my mind. I'm looking into a few things at present concerning that. Anyway, I wish them all well--and am rather proud of these people.

.. oh, I'm doing another print out of this last segment of writing, which of course I'll have with me tomorrow.

.. actually, overall, I think I'm doing fairly well, given I'm managing not to let myself get too gloomy, or too frustrated, even though such feelings are surely there for me to dip into.. so.. I'm holding the fort, in other words, as I continue forging ahead with this [blasted] thing.

.. anyway, my love.. even if I awoke a bit forlorn, it was still lovely dreaming about you again..

.. and again, my little kiss to you.. x..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GhkwYSj_-I
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x.. x x x.. xx..

[Violet]

EVICT OCCUPY WALL STREET ??

I THINK NOT!

.. uh.. in OWS's own words:

People power triumphs over Wall Street’s bid to end the protests. Mayor Bloomberg and Brookfield Inc. back down on eviction. World prepares for day of action: Saturday October 15 in 950+ cities in 82 countries. We Are Winning!

.. oh, also:

"Brookfield Properties is the 1%. They have invested $24 billion in mortgage-backed securities, so as millions face foreclosure and eviction due to predatory lending and the burst of the housing bubble that Wall Street created, it's not surprising they threatened to evict Occupy Wall Street,” said Patrick Bruner, an organizer with Occupy Wall Street from the Bed-Stuy neighborhood of Brooklyn. “But Brookfield and Bloomberg have backed down and our movement is only growing as the 99% take to the streets world wide to call for economic justice.”

.. I'd add that 3,000 showed up at 6 a.m. this morning to show their support for Occupy Wall Street.. so I guess the mayor figured he'd look pretty bad if he started bashing heads in 'n stuff.. [I mean, just for house cleaning purposes, after all]



.. Leonard, my love.. I'm rather tired, but terribly relieved there was no violence today concerning all this.

.. anyway, I just took a spin around youtube, and found myself listening to this lovely voice, which I've known about for quite a long time now. This song, however, I've not heard before. I think it searingly beautiful. It even reminds me of Ophelia's dilemma.. (a damsel I've thought quite a bit about, in fact).. Anyway, it's beautiful enough to send to you, I think.. along with this especially beautiful little kiss.. x.. (good-night, my love)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3OWOCwv ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. x x x.. xx xxx.. xx x..

later edit: corrected red, white and blue title line.

[Violet]

.. Leonard, my love.. I've been thinking of you.

.. it was terribly gusty this evening as I rode to our lake, which shone itself a rather bright reflective steel grey. Oh, and there was a lovely sleepy near-sunset at one end of it, where there hung this patch of luminous gold, and soft pink.. even as most of the sky was pale grey and somber, and didn't quite know it was nearing nightfall.

It was good I went, though.. gusty-cold as it was. I guess it's that I'm a bit stressed, it seems, and as I started the ride, I was thinking to myself how much emotional pain I was in, but by the time I finished, I felt my head was much cleared. Actually, I think I'll have to purchase some sort of a Spiderman bike-riding wear--you know, something light, but designed to withstand the cold.. since I obviously need this little daily expedition I've been taking, cold or no cold.

.. anyway, I've been reading through materials having nothing to do with my writing project. Just some other stuff I need to get through, and I finally felt I had to do it this weekend. But that black hole material is still on my mind, as is the segment of writing itself, which I thought was reading pretty well on Friday, so I'm looking forward to diving back in there.

.. I hesitate to say much more, as I know I'm keeping this stress at bay somehow, but if I think too much about things.. I don't know.. things are a bit touch and go at the moment.. [for this tattered little violet flower]

.. alright, my angel.. I wanted to leave you with another song by this splendid singer, even as so many of her songs are achingly sad, with this one no exception. Actually, this is another song I'd not heard 'til now. It has such pathos.. as well, that clear pitched voice of hers.. I don't know, she's fairly incredible I find.

.. anyway, I wish I had more than this tattered little kiss to send you, my love.. x.. perhaps just a few more, then.. xx x.. and maybe just a few more.. xx x x.. (I miss you)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmSoyoJR ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. meanwhile..

[Violet]

.. Leonard, my love.. I’m not doing well. I will be alright, but I need to work out some things internally somehow, as I continue to write this story.

.. I’m thinking I shouldn’t write you these letters right now since they seem to be stirring things up in me that I have no way of dealing with at present. In my psyche it’s as though these letters are in some manner insinuating that I have choices that I honestly don’t have at this point in my life, since, in truth, things are pretty stuck.. although, maybe that in itself is the reason I find myself acting as if this were not so, as it’s rather painful this sort of “stuckness” I’m in the midst of.

.. anyway, it seems I’ve created this inner conflict.. one I have no immediate remedy for, which is probably why I’ve been grinding my teeth at night, and waking up in a panic sometimes. Even my chiropractor/healer person told me I was rather in a mess on Friday.. so, I guess this stress is really taking hold of me, and is going to make me sick if I don’t somehow get a grip on all I seem to be grappling with internally.

.. so.. I guess I could write a North of Gotham note as I feel the need to, as I continue to write this story.. but if I continue to write you what I thought were these lovely little love letters, it just seems to get me in deeper trouble with myself. I mean, as I’ve said before, I really couldn't write them if they didn’t reflect my feelings—and this, even not knowing what becomes of these letters once I push that little “submit” button. They maybe just become a kind of fiction once I do that, but that doesn’t mean my heart feels that way as I write them.

.. so.. all in all, my love, I’m in a mess with myself. I awoke last night in tears.. and I feel like I could keep on crying even now.. but my plan is to just keep writing the story of Agent Longing and Violet, where at least I maybe can speak of my feelings of love for you without feeling in such a mess about it, since at least there I can maintain to myself that it’s a fiction.

.. so.. that’s where things are at present. I’m worried, too, that if I don’t write you these love letters I’ll wind up feeling even worse than I do now.. so.. nothing feels right, or easy. Nothing feels fair.

.. okay.. my last little kiss to you, for now.. x.. (my angel).. I hope all is well with you.. and.. just know you’re in my thoughts, as I struggle to get through this trial that for some reason I’m being submitted to. You are wonderful, and truly worth loving, and in that, I can’t regret anything.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhtHD1j9 ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x .. xx x x.. xx x x..

[Violet]

.. you know what, Leonard, my love.. it doesn't seem to matter what I do.. it's just a hard time I'm going through right now. I guess I should just write you as I can, since I miss you terribly, especially when not writing you.. but if I'm stressed, then I just won’t write. Simple as that. I guess the problem is that the unconscious works on us in ways we're not at all in charge of.. and so, it's as if there are two tunes playing simultaneously almost.. and.. well, I get hit with things sometimes I'm not expecting, and it can be very brutal.. or, well, I can be very brutal--with myself.

I remember reading once that one can't live amid obstructions indefinitely. I guess it's good to remember that at times. Anyway, I am doing a bit better emotionally right now--although now I've been hit with flu-ish symptoms.. [no doubt due to all the stress].. for which I'm taking my trusty herbal anti-flu tincture, so hopefully I can stave off this thing.

.. oh, and it's been a beautiful, sunny [cold] fall day, and so I forced myself to go to our lake, even feeling a bit sick.. and it was the deepest deepest blue imaginable.. and just so bright and sparkling and lovely.. and it was all about you, somehow.. and everything in me wanted you, my love.. it was just the most wonderful feeling.

.. so.. I guess I'll write you as I am able.. and I just hope I don’t get sick so I can keep working, and get this next segment done, finally. Today I was still strapped with this other reading, but I'm finished with it, I'm glad to say. So, tomorrow, back to work.

.. again, my little kiss to you, my love.. x..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LiwIECDj ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x x.. xx x.. xx x x x..

[Violet]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cror9Qei ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. which is to say, my beloved.. that even though things are pretty tough for me right now, and even though I don't have Jack Warden to give me a shoulder rub.. [actually, I could really use that shoulder rub] [now that I think about it].. and even though I now have this rotten head cold, and I feel like total crap.. and even though [speaking of crap] real crap gets mistaken for art all the time.. and

.. but I think the point is that I'm hanging tough, and I will finish this thing, come hell or high water.. and have it be as good as I feel it can be. [my angel]

.. actually.. [to get back to that film].. various scenes from it have a way of popping into my head sometimes. As per the youtube description, it's Sydney Lumet's The Verdict, which is certainly one of my favorite courtroom dramas, if not one of my favorite films period. It's the film where Paul Newman finally steps out of his film persona and truly becomes this character.. a down and out trial lawyer who's really at the end of his rope, and is about to go down in flames. Maybe that's partly why it came to mind tonight. [the going down in flames part] I've posted other scenes from it before, as well. And, at every turn.. such as the Charlotte Rampling/love interest character betraying him.. [with hers being another excellent performance, in a role that is far more subtle and complex than it is sometimes given credit for].. and the judge being entirely corrupt.. and James Mason masterfully [as is usual with him] playing the unrivaled defense attorney, up to all sorts of evilish tricks..

.. but, even with everything against him--Paul Newman as Frank Galvin, I mean--it's not just that he prevails.. it's that you watch him--utterly without hope--grabbing at straws, almost.. pulling forth whatever it is he has left inside himself, and

[it's that good]:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVZFlBJftgg
FULL SCREEN..

Frank Galvin's summation speech:

You know, so much of the time we're just lost. We say, "Please, God, tell us what is right; tell us what is true." And there is no justice: the rich win, the poor are powerless. We become tired of hearing people lie. And after a time, we become dead... a little dead, we think of ourselves as victims... and we become victims. We become... we become weak. We doubt ourselves, we doubt our beliefs. We doubt our institutions. And we doubt the law. But today you are the law. You ARE the law. Not some book... not the lawyers... not the, a marble statue... or the trappings of the court. See those are just symbols of our desire to be just. They are... they are, in fact, a prayer: a fervent and a frightened prayer.

In my religion, they say, "Act as if ye had faith... and faith will be given to you." IF... if we are to have faith in justice, we need only to believe in ourselves. And ACT with justice. See, I believe there is justice in our hearts.

.. I guess, along with the content of the film--that maybe speaks to the courageous acts of all those fighting for justice down in the city right now, and elsewhere--but in addition to that.. I put this here as my homage to art, itself. What it demands of us--artists, I mean--not just in terms of sacrifice, but in terms of love.. love of language.. love of form.. love of service to something higher.. something larger than one's own immediate needs and wants.

I feel such a failure. I feel so much of that weighing on me, constantly.. my past mistakes.. so much of the wrong turns and choices I've made are bearing down on me at every turn.. at every minute, almost. I have failed. I have failed myself. I have failed myself in ways so numerous and complicated, even, that if I go down that path of trying to somehow make sense of it all, I'll just shred myself to non-existence.

.. and so--after re-realizing this, yet again--I put my blinders on, and I start to read, and I start to write.. and I pray for an angel, maybe, to keep me on the path of heaven..

.. and I think of you, too, my love.. since you, your person, your work inspires me. Oh, and I realized today that the ceremony for the Prince of Asturias Award for Letters is coming up this week.. and.. well, even as I've been feeling unwell.. still, I felt a kind of excitement about it.. about your receiving it. And actually, that excitement had me thinking of how it is the mind can affix to things, both good and bad.. and I thought how nice it was to attach to this lightness, suddenly.. this excitement.. [oh, and I somehow think it will be a fun time, too]

.. alright, my love. All will be well.. [as I like to say].. [since it makes me feel better sometimes]..

.. my kiss to you, my angel.. x..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfWsU4ID ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x.. xx x x.. xx x x..

later edits: never mind.

[Violet]

.. my beloved.. it must be nearing dawn, or something close to it, in Spain right about now. I imagine you get up early, but.. maybe you need to catch some zzz’s due to jet lag. Actually, though, you looked great I thought at that press conference. I don’t know when you took your flight out there, but you really didn’t seem tired at all.. (actually, I thought you were very very handsome, and that’s all I’m going to say on that topic) (I would say more.. but.. well, sometimes the lack of privacy around here really weighs on me.. so.. let’s just leave it at "handsome".. ).. (actually, I’ll make it up to you sometime, I promise) (my angel)..

.. as for the press thing.. oh, I liked it when you asked that woman to answer her own question.. .. oh, and:

No requerdo mucho de Espanol.

That’s right, my love. I actually studied Spanish in my formative years. [okay, I’m missing one of those snakey things] [couldn’t figure out how to get that there] Anyway, I’m doubtful I can speak as much Spanish as you do French, even though you claimed very little in that regard. Then again, you do tend to be modest.. so.. yes, I’m pretty sure you’d know more French than I do Spanish. (Yo pienso que si.) (I’m not even sure if that’s correct) (and don’t even get me started on irregular verbs ‘n such.. Spanish is very easy to pronounce, and yet has the most complex set of verbs known to man, for some reason) (then again, Germans, I know, collect nouns ‘n things at the end of sentences, which to me is just plain nuts) (although at least you know where to find them, then) [I'm not sure my letters to you should really contain sound effects, but that last line I think is just dying for some kind of yodel or something, even though that's more Swiss than German] [okay, just a cymbal sound, then]

.. so.. my love. Oh, I did take one semester of French in high school. Actually, all I remember of that class is how my friend Peter used to have me laughing to the point of tears when he very exaggeratedly would try to pronounce that difficult-to-pronounce, in-the-back-of-the-throat French 'r' sound--oh, when he said the name "Roxanne." [as I recall, he made it sound as if there were phlegm in is throat].. which actually reminds me.. [no, not the "phlegm" part].. but I'm remembering now that helpful pointer that my friend A. gave me recently [which I posted on this thread, in fact], in which she [rather graphically] indicated how to conceptualize achieving that very same, difficult, in-the-back-of-the-throat French ‘r’ sound.. [something I would rather just practice on you, come to think of it] [there: I made it up to you already].. [my love]

.. you know, I don’t know why I’m in a silly mood, but maybe it’s that I’m sick. In fact, I’m so wacked-out feeling sick, I don’t even feel stressed right now. Although the BAD news concerning this is that………... okay, when I used to come up here just on weekends, I’d sometimes have allergy symptoms. Not all the time. Just sometimes. There must be pollen or something in the air, and it settles on things, like the couch, or on woolens, and.. well, before I knew it, I’d be sneezing non-stop, and life would become pure misery. ANYWAY.. now I’m worried that maybe, instead of my being sick, it’s actually that allergy thing again.. in which case.. I’m not sure what to do, since I’m not even sure what I’m allergic to. [????????]

.. anyway, in spite of this, I've been forging ahead with my work.. so.. I’m not entirely off course. But if this situation continues, then I really am sunk. [as anyone who has suffered from this type of allergy well knows] It is good though that I suddenly don’t feel as stressed out as I’d been feeling.. so.. there you have it: further evidence supporting my longstanding theory that there has to be at least one thing going haywire at all times. [a subset of Murphy’s Law, I’m pretty sure] [although Murphy would probably say I was splitting hairs] [then again, Murphy was reputedly a jerk.. so] [just saying]

.. okay, mi amor.. mi cielo.. mi corazon.. x.. (te adoro.. te deseo).. (eres la persona más maravillosa del mundo).. (okay, that last one I had to look up).. (mi ángel).. (I miss you.. y..)..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uEl5Z5DEDw
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x.. xx x.. xxx x x..

[Violet]

.. Leonard, my love.. how are you?..

.. I saw the touching pictures of you from Gijón today, and got all teary myself. It's lovely I'm sure to feel all the love and adulation around you, and it's very moving for all of us here to see, as well.. [perhaps for me especially]

.. so, tomorrow is the ceremony in Oviedo, and I look forward to seeing what gets posted. I found myself on google maps today, looking to see just where Asturias actually is, and Gijón.. and below is a picture I found of the Church of San Pedro that I liked.. or maybe it's that its slight melancholy matched my mood. It was interesting to read how Asturias is this "autonomous community of the Kingdom of Spain, coextensive with the former Kingdom of Asturias in the Middle Ages".. [whatever that may mean, exactly]

.. as for me, I'm on the mend, I think.. [at least I hope I am].. and am missing going to our lake. Just when I thought I might have the strength to go today, it started to rain.. so.. maybe tomorrow. I've been plugging away at this writing, and probably won't go to the city tomorrow, since I'm still under the weather, but at least it's another full day to work.

.. well, I'm excited for you, my angel. I've been missing you so very much, even more than usual.. and I send you this extra special kiss.. x.. I do hope it gets to you safe and sound, along with my love, my warmest warmest wishes and feelings.. you are beautiful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmJ4_w5m ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x x.. xx x x.. xx x..

[Violet]

.. my love, I couldn't sleep.. and wrote you this, while thinking of you in Spain..


I wish I had the most exquisite
of words
to offer in my love
for you,
but I’m just this beggar
of words, and
what is given me is
far less
sometimes
than what it is you
offer.

you take me in your arms, and

your eyes having wandered
endlessly, without love
it seems
for all eternity. and so for
them to rest
with me
is

love me, that I might

kiss me, that I might

never did I think

I could have you. never did I
think

but wandered
endlessly. and now this
resting place
for such of my

never could I
hope

to find
what in your eyes is
gentle.


x

[Violet]

.. Leonard, my love.. I just watched you give your speech for the Principe de Asturias awards ceremony. I watched it live, but couldn’t make out everything you said, as there was the translation obscuring some of it.. but most of it, I think I got..

.. such as your not sleeping last night, and eating all the chocolates in your hotel room's mini bar.. [a very important detail for one chocolate-loving violet flower].. and your holding your Conde guitar.. (that suddenly felt light as air).. so to breath in its aroma.. it speaking to you of Spain.. the soil and soul of Spain.. and of your giving back.. giving thanks.

.. you spoke of your initially reading all the English poets, and still not finding a voice.. that is, until you read Lorca.. Lorca, who gave you permission to find a voice.

.. I wish I knew what you said after that.. never to lament something—I don’t know what, though perhaps it will be transcribed somewhere.

.. and you told the story of the Flamenco guitar player you once came upon--he was playing while sitting on a park bench, I think it was. [later note: I read somewhere it was a tennis court?] Anyway, you asked him to teach you how to play, and you spoke of the six chords he taught you--okay, with some difficulty on your part.. but the six chords that all Flamenco guitarists use. Then you spoke of his not returning for your lesson one day.. and then there was your subsequently finding out about his suicide.

.. you spoke of how all your music was derived from those six chords.. this being at the heart of your great gratitude to Spain.

I suppose the older female royal there at the ceremony was the Queen of Asturias?.. I don’t know, but you had her nearly in tears, and many others there as well.. (and me too, my love)

.. and also.. what you said of Lorca—for me, it spoke to just how I felt when I first discovered your music, and your beautiful lyrics.. it was as if you gave me permission to find a voice.. but a voice that was already there.. just waiting for permission to speak. In that, there was some further dimension that I could finally inhabit, which hadn’t yet been realized.. but your songs did that for me.

I’m afraid my Spanish wasn’t good enough for me to comprehend much of the ceremony, although I was understanding a lot of the “flavoring,” shall we say.. the terrain, but not the specifics, I guess. I still have it playing, as I write this on my desktop. Oh, and there you are, there’s a close-up of you listening to the translation..

.. okay, the ceremony's over, and now I've got this "pasted in" on this thread..

.. all my love to you, my fair Prince, on this wonderfully moving and meaningful day.. x..