The Valley of Tears

[Teratogen]

Loosely based off the old Fats Domino/Buddy Holly tune. Took the title and the idea basically. Took the pain and loneliness with it too.

The Valley of Tears

I was thinking of a time
When happiness was relative
To a love that once was mine
But I no longer have to give
I packed my bags in haste
With recollections of the years
I bought my ticket to a place
They call the Valley of Tears

There’s never anyone around
Just the open sky and me
With all the pain and doubt I’ve found
In my longing to be free
But I give my heart disgrace
If all hope disappears
So I stumble to that place
They call the Valley of Tears

I fought against my solitude
I fought against the pain
But loving words are all subdued
Beneath the barriers we feign
It’s written on my face
The demons of my fears
Have followed me to a place
They call the Valley of Tears

I’ve kept you in my mind
Oh, for so long, so long, so long
I thought that I knew love
I was so wrong, so wrong, so wrong
These things are hard to know
So I’ve decided to go
Where nobody speaks, where nobody hears
Where nobody seeks the Valley of Tears

We try to make up for
All the things that we lack
By locking every door
And never looking back
Those steps we can’t retrace
Through that fog that never clears
I’ve made a home in the place
They call the Valley of Tears

[mat james]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bquioOYRlUI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8VcpXp14Wk

[Teratogen]

I watched both but the Buddy Holly one made me cry. It was a mix of the song itself, the deaths of three great legends, the fact that I'm lonely and heartbroken as well as the fact that I'm drinking and haven't eaten all day. Thank you for posting those.

Everyone understands me in the Valley of Tears. If only I weren't the only populant.

[mat james]

Buy a backpack and hit the road, Tera.
I have always found it fun.
Perhaps a bit daunting until the first step, as they say. But always fun.
There are many lonely people looking for friendship and often they hit the road too.
Life should be lived and living it involves a bit of adventuring.
Don Quixote did it

for what it is worth.

MatbbgJ

[Teratogen]

I'm not a road person. I'm one who gets someplace and stays comfortable, even if it's uncomfortable being there. I had a friend. That's what I lost. A friend with whom I tried to make a greater relationship out of. I'm not eager to have that happen again.

[mat james]

ok Teracomforta,
and back to your poem.
It works very well. And I feel it could work a lot better too.
Even though you were inspired by "The valley of tears" (Buddy Holley), you can make this more your own by perhaps changing things slightly. Perhaps even referencing Buddy in some way (then maybe even Fats D later on in another verse?).
Then you are on your way to an original piece about singers and their tears and how we all end up there when we lose in the game of love, which is inherent in your poem above. You could turn this poem about your own situation into a universal dilema, pointing to some unspoken-broken-hearted-brotherhood-abode that Buddy calls "The Valley of Tears".
eg:

I bought my ticket to a place
They call the Valley of Tears

to:
bought my ticket to Buddy's place
They call the Valley of Tears. (these lines need work, but you get the picture?)

I think you have something worthwhile; worth working on and maybe finding your own music in that "vale of tears" (is that Leonard's line ?).

Regards, Mat.

[Teratogen]

I thought there'd be more interest in what was being said and what was being felt in my words rather than what it was loosely inspired by. You hear a song on the radio, the refrain catches your ear, the conjunction of words in the title hits you like a stone in the gut and you know it like you know the back of your hand. I have no interest in referencing the original author or its various performers. What's more important is the emotion evoked from the story told.

[Alsiony]

I agree with what Mat has said here- within the angle that he is coming from. I think mat's comments are constructive as well, but taking into account how I am when I write certain poems (or whatever) - I can strongly identify with what you are saying too Tera.
To be honest, I would say it's all about point of view - what you are doing / where you are at when you write a piece of work or when you read anothers efforts.
I have read some of the pieces that you have posted and I like the power and depth of emotion that you write with.
A
x

[Teratogen]

Thank you.

I wasn't discounting his advice. It's just that to me I found no purpose in making a connection to another song. If someone gets the connection themselves then that's great. I was more focused on the meaning itself, the emotion, the idea that there is an actual place for those to wallow in their sorrows. Or rather, as I made a point to show, a place where only I visit, with the perception that everyone else around me has no need to be there.