Flower

[Manna]

Flower

Spirographic petals are most efficiently described
by a structured series of equations -
a chandelier of Xs and symbols replotted
on a matrix to return the predicted curls. Pollen
hangs from the erect integral: sperm
on the tip of a flower's penis craning from the origin
into Z axis. The stem pushes it all up
not quite parabolically from our fists.
Those petals weren't always made of plastic, were they?
They're concave, start large and get smaller near the center.
Without your help I calculate them into measuring spoons
based on a logarithmic decay. I'm sorry, but I did it wrong.
Now if the wind blows, pollen won't drift into a cloud,
but just drop like hair from a chemo patient.

[iveta]

Dear Manna,
I'm not sure if I absolutely get that, but it seems to be the extradiscreet report on love and death, sadly powerful in contradiction of the description and the described

“ Grief is an extended process of cognitive reorganization characterized by the occurrence of negatively valenced perturbant states caused by an attachment structure reacting to a death event.”
David Lodge, Thinks
/used in correspondence of fictitious cognitive scientist/

but there is an other side in that book, and David Lodge is deeply instructive about grief

iveta

[Alan Alda]

Your last line is killer.

[Lion of Lions]

AA may have meant her comment as a death joke but regardless of that I didn't like Manna's last line.

"chemo" is such a casual abbreviation, it betrays the seriousness of the poem for the sake of contrived rhythm.


it's like saying


"from the edge of the pool
in bulging pairs of Speedos
the men checked out kiddies,
like a pair of paedos"

[Alan Alda]

Actually there was no humour intended.

I meant killer as in: stunning, devastating, brilliant, poignant, turn-away-from-the-scene-of-the-accident sort of way. Killer.

I have to admit, yours is the best paedophile poem I've read today! ...and there've been some pretty good ones.....

[Lion of Lions]

Actually there was no humour intended.

I meant killer as in: stunning, devastating, brilliant, poignant, turn-away-from-the-scene-of-the-accident sort of way. Killer.

I have to admit, yours is the best paedophile poem I've read today! ...and there've been some pretty good ones.....

the qualities you describe may be attributable to the imagery, but the line is disqualified because of the incongruous use of the abbreviation.

you may have a wonderful idea in a poem where the "reveal" is that one of the characters is a Pakistani but you would ruin it by ending with the use of the word "Paki" (an abusive term over here) , perhaps because it rhymed with "tacky".

Manna wasn't searching for a rhyme and for all I know the expression "chemo patient" is acceptable in other cultures. I think it takes away from the dignity and ordeal of a patient undergoing chemotherapy treatment. Its casualness takes away from the tone of the rest of the poem.

[Alan Alda]

...well, after the heavy use of multi-syllabic, scientific-oriented words, the common slang term, chemo (and I don't think I've ever heard: chemo-therapy-patient, it's always reduced to the abbrev: chemo) works for me...it makes it something personal after all the jargon; like Bob for Robert/Mike for Michael.

So just admit you were mistaken and appreciate me setting you straight. I'll act modest, but then post on my blog that an infamous QC lost to a data entry clerk in Alaska in a simple dispute over a medical issue. The details don't need to be spelled out...The title will be: I WON!!!!!

humbly,
L

[Lion of Lions]

Ha ha ha! I brought up my kids to learn that winning is for losers.

but if you force me to nominate a winner then, being wholly objective, it must be the writer, full of modesty and grace, who said "for all I know the expression "chemo patient" is acceptable in other cultures". what class!

Hooray for the Data Entry Cl (abbreviated to make it something personal).

[Alan Alda]

sigh.
I can still do as I please on my blog...you're not my dad and can't tell me what to do!
stomp stomp stomp Door slam!

[Alan Alda]

manna, dontcha love how any subject, no matter how serious can be turned into a poem about paedophiles, a contradiction of terms and adolescent angst? Yeah. Me too....

[Lion of Lions]

sigh.
I can still do as I please on my blog...you're not my dad and can't tell me what to do!
stomp stomp stomp Door slam!

you come right back here, my girl. IF YOU BANG THAT DOOR ONE MORE TIME, YOU ARE GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF THIS MONTH.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME ??

[Alan Alda]

http://poemetry.blogspot.com/

Bite me!

[Lion of Lions]

http://poemetry.blogspot.com/

Bite me!

it's outrageous, your blog is just full of good things and full of people who really like you. how absurd is that?

[Lion of Lions]

Twenty Thousands Leagues Under The Sea
hiding from Laurie's
poetry
Captain Nemo
having Chemo

[Alan Alda]

http://poemetry.blogspot.com/

Bite me!

it's outrageous, your blog is just full of good things and full of people who really like you. how absurd is that?

My evil blog is at the cleaners.