I love you

This is for your own works!!!
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Aletheia
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2009 1:22 am
Location: Denmark, Odense

I love you

Post by Aletheia »

the world tips over in darkness
and I love you
only because you can
tip over my world
and pretends that
nothing has happend

my world tips over in darkness
whenever you are near
and I completly forget
who I am
and who is my dear
iveta
Posts: 233
Joined: Wed May 27, 2009 1:33 am
Location: slovakia

Re: I love you

Post by iveta »

I like it because it's both abstract and personal....perhaps about the moments when personal is getting abstract....
Of course I´m pathetic, I´ve spent my life getting the most impressive stuff out of the most impressive books. Malcolm Bradbury
Cate
Posts: 3469
Joined: Tue Nov 06, 2007 4:27 am

Re: I love you

Post by Cate »

I like this one as well Aletheia. I think I can relate to this feeling.

I like the phrasing and repetition of "my world tips over...

I think that the s on pretend(s) is unnecessary.


Welcome to the forum.

Cate
User avatar
Aletheia
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2009 1:22 am
Location: Denmark, Odense

Re: I love you

Post by Aletheia »

Thank you so much. I will correct my spelling later. Thank you!
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