Not a Haiku

[lazariuk]

[quote="Geoffrey"

]lazariuk wrote:
>Being curious I couldn't help but wonder what such a thing would feel like. I wonder if it would have quite the tickle as you can get with the head of a smooth tongue lawyer?

smooth talking is not confined to lawyers, jack - it can be found in salesrooms, behind shop counters, in pulpits, at your front door. anywhere a penny is to be made, a smooth talker is never too far away. at the time you think: "a really nice guy!" - it's only afterwards you realise he's just given you a good goosing.

When we speak of someone as a lawyer or a salesman it is not really the person that we are speaking about. It is more like an it. It is not the person.
I am not sure if you are complaining when saying that afterwards you realize he's given you a good goosing. Is it that you would rather have known that it was coming so that you could enjoy it as it was happening? Likely if someone appears to you as a really nice guy that is probably because he is. If he gives you a good goosing that is probably what you wanted.

i am not sure of its relevance, but below is how i once briefly described leonard's literary exploration of what is here being currently referred to as an 'A**hole'. i recommend anyone of a priggish disposition to give 'beautiful losers' a wide berth and stick to barbara cartland.
"The notorious 'Pigskin crackling' piece, in which explodes a tirade of stuttering longing. Love and loneliness erupt into seemingly unconnected words, demonstrating acute difficulty in stating a taboo desire. Absolutely one of the novel's many highlights."

Speaking of assholes and taboos I am going to let a little secret out of the bag for the sake of those men who might have wives here whose husbands have difficulty stating desires.
A man may well enjoy a well lubricated finger but please ladies take the time to do it right.
A man's bottom is filled with thousands of nerves and is hundreds of times more sensitive than that of a woman. Between a man's penis and his anus is the area of the prostate which is integral in a man's orgasm and is very sensitive to touch and can lead to much more powerful orgasms for the man. It might be that if your husband is trying to give you anal sex that he is really trying to tell you something and that is that he wants it himself.
There are places on the Internet that discuss this in great detail as well as giving tips on how to approach your husband about the subject.

[Lion of Lions]

can't you post your junk somewhere else and not here? I accept that you may get a thrill out of being so calculatedly naughty, and you are perhaps still giggling about your "stunning cunts" gag from the other day but I find you a ridiculous boorish bore.

"please ladies take the time to do it right", are you some kind of sleazy spiv?

you write like you are drowning in your own bubbling grease and slime.

[lazariuk]

can't you post your junk somewhere else and not here? .

I see that you are no longer calling it shit. Are you meaning 'junk' as in Heroin, something that you are addicted to?
There must be some reason you keep following me around.

[Lion of Lions]

can't you post your junk somewhere else and not here? .

I see that you are no longer calling it shit. Are you meaning 'junk' as in Heroin, something that you are addicted to?
There must be some reason you keep following me around.

nope, I mean "junk" as in worthless. your message here about the details of anal sex play is a pathetic whimper for attention. and whilst I gave you a little attention by replying my hope is that you may think again about your absurd posting.

you are making yourself look like a ridiculously sleazy well past-it and desperate Lothario wannabe.

try to grow old with just a little bit of grace and class.

I follow you around when I have periodic moments of wanting to clean this place up and get rid of recurring embarrassments like you.

Realistically, I know you are incapable of acting any other way so I will place you as a "foe" so I don't see your junk any more, and you can carry on showing off, making farting noises or anything else at your favourite level of communication.

[lazariuk]

farewell till we meet again

[Geoffrey]

lazariuk wrote:
>I am not sure if you are complaining when saying that afterwards you realize he's given you a good goosing.


dear jack,

firstly, one of the reasons why i am fond of you is because there are no inhibitions in your posts. if ever there were a candidate to pen a sequel to 'beautiful losers' - you would fit the bill. and i mean that sincerely. never allow anybody to mould you any differently.

in answer to your confusion, above: yes it was a complaint. also a metaphor. i am not such an exciting personality that i could say i enjoy all manner of sexual permutations. like most people, i have experimented with drugs, sex and rock 'n' roll - and discovered 'what was rotten and what was fresh'. but with me there has to be an element of emotion, preferably the card that is so wild . . . love? maybe i have missed out on something, but anal stimulation, regardless of active or passive role, has never seemed attractive. that could be just the staid old englishman that lives in my heart. one could almost say i am what is referred to as 'asexual', but that wouldn't be completely correct either. i do not find a woman sexually attractive until i know her, until i have fallen in love with her. this hinders me, of course, from buying from a street girl - because i simply would be unable to get value for money. when surfing on the internet i look away from sluts sitting with open gashes in front of the camera because it makes me feel uncomfortable, and the opposite of aroused. what about you, jack - are you as boring as me?

[lazariuk]

what about you, jack - are you as boring as me?

I certainly wouldn't want anyone thinking I am an expert on these matters. I have mostly lived alone but there have been some nights that have been sweetened and one with a lovely woman with a well lubricated finger. She wore a lot of gold and glowed like amber.

aside from that I guess I am much like you. I think that I would need crutches to raise my dick if I wasn't sure that love and truth stayed in the room when eros walked in the door.

I even think that it makes just as much sense, maybe more so, to hear a room full of benedictine monks singing "Light as a Breeze" as it is to hear Billy Joel singing it.

[lazariuk]

If ever there were a candidate to pen a sequel to 'beautiful losers' - you would fit the bill.

How about?
The Anthem of the Beautiful Losers
...... a sequel

do you think that would be too pretentious?

[Violet]

.. gentlemen, not to change the topic or anything, but.. Billy Joel sings Light as a Breeze??... (have to go check that out)...

... please continue..

[lazariuk]

.. gentlemen, not to change the topic or anything, but.. Billy Joel sings Light as a Breeze??... (have to go check that out)...

more interesting than a whole roomful of benedictine monks singing it?

[Violet]

... oh, don't get me wrong, that has it's charms too (!)... no I just didn't think B.J. had it in him to do an L.C. cover is all.. and generally speaking I'm attracted to unlikely happenstance.. (oh.. and so I guess that would include the monks bit too) ( )

[lazariuk]

... oh, don't get me wrong, that has it's charms too (!)... no I just didn't think B.J. had it in him to do an L.C. cover is all.. and generally speaking I'm attracted to unlikely happenstance.. (oh.. and so I guess that would include the monks bit too) ( )

I think that B.J. sings it very well. His version is one of my favorite covers.