Flesh Wound

[Alan Alda]

Flesh Wound

It might as well have been a tiger
biting and scratching her ankle
instead of a tiny flower.
She sat predator-still, watching
as sequins of blood bloomed
under the bright lights while
the White Stripes sang about
dead leaves and the dirty ground.

The instinct to twitch settled
into a sleek shiver of nerves, echoing
the needle's vibrations. A drug-
like shift, pain's gift, wrapped
her in its cloak. Inducted, she thought
peering at the other patrons
receiving their versions
of tombstones or artistic
scars to speak for what gets stuck
behind tear ducts and tongues.

[Manna]

I remember this from a while ago. I don't remember the older version (assuming you've edited), but I had the idea that the tattoo was of a lion. I'm not sure if a picture of a lion or of a flower would be the more interesting thing to put pain behind. I suppose either works.

I like this very much, I like how you play with sound and theme.

[Alan Alda]

Manna~

It was always a tiger. In fact the poem's original title was: It Might as Well Have Been a Tiger and it was the line that started the poem from its inception (boring detail).

Glad you like it. I did try to pay alot of attention to the sonics, throughout.

cheers,
L

[Manna]

Oh yes, I meant tiger, but now it sounds like it is of a flower.
OK - I've never gotten a tattoo, so just for my curiosity can you explain "tiny flower"?

[Alan Alda]

Hey again~

It is as it always was: tiger//flower...funny how the memory stores stuff.

I'm not sure what you are asking (explain: tiny flower).

On the surface whether the tat artist is inking in a ferocious tiger or a small, innocuous flower, it 'feels' the same. The needles are the same, the pain from receiving a tiger or flower are the same.

Is this what you meant?

L

[Manna]

umm...

biting and scratching her ankle
instead of a tiny flower.

if the tat is of a tiger, what is this tiny flower?

I was wondering if it had something to do with the equipment?

[Alan Alda]

It might as well have been a tiger
biting and scratching her ankle
instead of a tiny flower.

There is no tiger tat.

Does this help?

[Manna]

Yes. OK.
It sounded like it was of a flower, but when I read this poem -whenever ago- ...
was it always a flower?

(Have I managed to totally frustrate you yet? )

[Alan Alda]

It is as it always was: tiger//flower...funny how the memory stores stuff.

I'm not the least bit frustrated, but a bit confused because you said you "liked" this poem.
Yet your understanding of what I am saying seems blurry and you seem quite attached to your memory of it...and btw, it has not changed other than the title.

I'm not trying to be a smartass. I truly find this confusing.

cheers,
L

[Manna]

My understanding of the poem is clear - never was unclear, except I thought I remembered the tattoo was of a tiger, not a flower, when I read it before - not this time - and wondered what had made you change it, even though you didn't. I also thought I remembered it being in first person, so go figger.

har har har {{run-on sentence, woohoo!}}

I do like it, the images are strong, the language fun, the ideas interesting, tho S1is a bit heavy on -ing verbs, and I think the tiger:flower contrast would serve better if the texture of the flower were brought to the foreground.

[Alan Alda]

Hey Manna~

Thanks for the explanation and the S1 comments.

I can see how the -ing(s) (gerunds?) would stand out...my defense is the tense (an impromptu rhyme!)

I'm lost on what you mean by 'texture.' Explain if you'd like or if this has become too annoying, no worries.

cheers,
L
p.s. this is one of the poems I had published earlier this year, so it is 'out there' as-is.

[Manna]

not annoyed - was wondering the same abt you, tho.

texture of tiger - biting & scratching
texture of flower - cool, smooth, soft, moist etc. (perhaps instead of tiny?)

Present participles are often mistakenly called gerunds, which they are not. A gerund is a noun. "I don't like this biting and scratching." A present participle is a verb - The tiger is biting and scratching me.

[Alan Alda]

Ah. Thanks for the lesson. Seriously.

Tats. There is only ink and skin...so there is no relating any sort of physical (other than skin) attributes to this flower.

The 'biting and scratching' are not attributes of the tiger, but of the needles.

[Manna]

is the skin of a woman's ankle so unlike the petals of a flower?

You've made a comparison between this imaginary tiger and a tat-needle thingy with biting & scratching. It is possible to make another comparison between skin and the flower (image) being engraved thereon. Not that you have to.

I hope I'm not being prickly. I honestly can't tell. I am living on Midol, so please be forgiving. I just want to stomp around in my bathrobe with my BurgerKing crown and a brush as my scepter yelling, "I'm right, I'm right." And I want a new prosthetic back, or to be a quadriped, please. And you don't mind because you are Supercool-Laurie, the most interesting distraction of my day. Will you be my faerie godmother?

[Alan Alda]

Manna~

Are you SURE it's Midol?

Super-cool?
Faerie godmother?

I know being in pain can make me crazy at times...other times, I have no excuse...Hope you are better soon.

Far as the wee flower goes, I think it would be too tangental to put any more focus the flower tat other than what is given.
You are right, that there is a a ripe situation to compare (thee) flower petals to skin, but not in this poem. Like the olde saying:
just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean you should.

Have at it. Feel free to play around with the idea (or my poem for that matter) if it interests you.

I also recommend considering getting a tattoo.

get well.
L