Spotted - Zanzibari review of the Forum and Tour

September 21 - November 30, 2008. Concert reports, set lists, photos, media coverage, multimedia links, recollections...
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Spotted - Zanzibari review of the Forum and Tour

Post by Habie » Mon Nov 24, 2008 6:10 pm

Following the African press cuttings quoted in the thread re Bad Reviews of the Fall Tour - did anyone spot this article in the Zanzibar Chronicle of Culture, not just of Leonard's tour but also of this Forum itself?

To quote from memory :

"I want to tell you about a Website Forum, or non-material talking place in the sky, created in distant times in a place they call Helsinki. On this 'Forum' a large number of mostly white people spend all their time - in the West, it seems the people known as 'Fans' do not work or eat or sleep or move around at all - to write, in a million different ways, how they worship their most beloved Elder, a Holy Storyteller form the Land of Montreal. It seems to help them, in the daytime and in the nighttime, by fire, by water and even by slow decay, to discuss with each other every inch of their Messiah and every word and comma of his Holy Teachings.

The only time they are not 'posting' is when they go in person to a chosen Holy Place in one of their countries (often very cold and wet), to listen to a Sacred Recital, during which they must not move or make a sound, otherwise other white people on the Holy Forum will become angry with them. If one of them should issue forth a sound such as a piercing whistle, as happened recently in the outlying city of Birmingham, he is or she will surely be killed.

The Holy Man himself is modest in the way of another Elder, the Buddha, but for his fans he is generally perceived to be Perfect in All Ways. Indeed, in their hearts he has overthrown a important Elder of Previous Times, who they used to call Robert Zimmerframe; there was perhaps a War when the Workers in Song were all locked together in the Tower - the man with the blue raincoat was evidently victorious over the one with the sore throat.

But despite their special kind of extreme devotion, their is one worshipper, referred to as a Lord from the land of Mickey - although we have no evidence that he has actually met Her Majesty - who dislikes one of the Holy Stories, about a bird on a wire and a drunk in a choir. This is confusing, because most of the white people, especially the Head Worshipper of the German Lands, love this story above all others. But the Lord of Mickey, he is always mocking the Bird Song; other devotees ignore his treason and simply post more and more comments about ways in which we worship the Great Elder and his Sublime Chorus.

Female posters often include references to Beauty, Sensuality, Love and Desire in their postings. It seems some of them wish they could have been the wives or concubines of the Storyteller!

And worshippers are preoccupied with every detail of his Holy Presence, from the workings of the toilets in Holy Recital Places to the change of a few words, should the Master's memory briefly hiccup, in the introduction to one of the Holy Tales. Lately, fans on the Holy Site have been debating whether it is correct to refer to as 'Tacky', or 'No, it's Lovely', that two of the more youthful Female Chorus during The Future, perform acrobatic genuflections, or, as that other Elder the Lady Beyoncé would say, 'shake their booty'. These young women perform flying movement for only two seconds during Holy Recital, but it makes some of the white people mad. Others, such as Belgian Maarten who has accumulated vowels in his name to form a perfect symmetry with the accumulated consonants of Helsinki's High Priest Jarkko, appreciate the flying white girls so much they even try to 'capture' them on film. But the white girls are too fast for him!

In conclusion, I would say that although the Sacred Storyteller is a kindly man with much knowledge and truth in his words and a smile that contains centuries of human wisdom, we Zanzibaris are perplexed that so much time is spent by his worshippers telling each other how much they worship him, which must leave them very little time for fishing, sailing or dancing."

From an eagle-eyed spotter. x
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Post by Henning » Mon Nov 24, 2008 6:22 pm

Habie - let me put it short and simple: This is brilliant. Thanks muchos for finding it.
1979: Frankfurt | 1980: Frankfurt | 1985: Wiesbaden - Munich | 1988: Munich - Nuremberg | 1993: Frankfurt
2008: Dublin - Manchester - Amsterdam - Loerrach - Berlin - Frankfurt - Oberhausen - London
2009: Cologne - Barcelona | 2010: Wiesbaden - Dortmund
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Post by ladydi » Tue Nov 25, 2008 2:32 pm

Hi Habie..

Awesome! I laugh every time I read this but what makes it so funny is the glimmer of truth it holds :lol: :lol: We fans ARE an interesting and diverse group 8)

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Re: Spotted - Zanzibari review of the Forum and Tour

Post by Habie » Tue Nov 25, 2008 8:01 pm

Interesting, diverse, and perhaps, ever so sweetly insane...
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Re: Spotted - Zanzibari review of the Forum and Tour

Post by Gregor » Wed Nov 26, 2008 1:04 pm

The sacred followers of ----well its not Fashion ,but it is the Guru we are talking about here and as the High Priest himself thanked us all for keeping his music alive

Leonard has yet again gained another follower

There is a crack in every thing thats how the light gets in
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