elegy on a baby child's death

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tom.d.stiller
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elegy on a baby child's death

Postby tom.d.stiller » Tue Apr 22, 2003 12:30 pm

elegy on a baby child's death

i was not there to share the expectations
so i should never be allowed to weep
but still i do

i did not share the joy when birth was given
so i should never be allowed to speak
but still i do

oh may your pain i cannot really fathom
turn to anger that may turn on me
and lead to abreaction

i dare not send a letter of condolence
a stranger never should intrude on pain
but still i do

tears from a friend made me aware of
a pain that's yours and i can never express
i join her tears

because another child is dead
because another hope is gone
i weep
This poem needs an explanation. I have been told by a friend, a member of this forum, that another member of the forum just lost her baby grandson.
Without disclosing the name of the grandmother I want to express my own sadness caused by this depressing news.
Maybe we all should try to spend a minute's silence in empathy and mourning.

Tom
Cia
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Postby Cia » Tue Apr 22, 2003 10:29 pm

I have no words that can explain the sorrow that we feel by loosing our first grandchild. There are no words that can take away the pain. But your poem and kind thougts do make us more comfortable knowing that you care about us. Thank you so much dear Tom, and dear Jo for sharing our sorrow. And knowing that you all care for me and my family does make it easier to believe that this too shall pass.
Thank you all dear friends, love and hugs from Cia
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lizzytysh
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Postby lizzytysh » Tue Apr 22, 2003 10:33 pm

Dear Cia ~

My heart joins Tom and Jo in expressing my sorrow for your unspeakable loss. I dared not say anything here until you had responded. I am so sorry.

Love, Elizabeth
Cia
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Postby Cia » Tue Apr 22, 2003 11:26 pm

Dear Grandson

A sunday morning you were born in a beam of sunlight, the first sunny morning of spring in Denmark. I was together with your mother and father when you were born, and already when only your head appeared to the world you opened your eyes and looked straight at me - I was so touched that I was to be the first person you saw in your life.

We had been waiting for you for a long, long time as your mother had so much difficulties getting pregnant, but at last you were on your way.

Of many different reasons your mother chose to stay at our place these first weeks of your life, so I was so lucky to be so close to you. I changed your dypers, I made you calm when you cried, I gave you a bottle of milk in the middle of the night so your tired mother and father could get some rest. I have kissed you at least a thousand times and told you that you are so presious to me and that I love you so much that words can't explain it.

I was so worried about your little wrinkled forehead, you seemed to carry a secret that I did not understand. Your eyes could look straight into mine and behind them, as if you knew something that I didn't. I had this strange feeling that I should take care of you more than just what a grandmother should do.

Saturday evening as the sun was going down in a shade of orange and purple I was holding you in my arms, you once again looked me straight in the eyes, and your soul left your little sweet body.

Thank you Mika for letting me know you and for all the lovely time together, even thou it was much to short. Bless your beautiful soul.
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lizzytysh
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Postby lizzytysh » Tue Apr 22, 2003 11:40 pm

Dear Cia ~

I am so grateful to Tom that he appears to have opened the door for you to express your most personal grief in your own way. I'm not certain that you would have done so on your own here. Your loving tribute to your beloved Mika is perfectly spoken. Thank you for sharing him with us and, even if only for a moment more, he lives on in this world because of it.

G..d bless you, Mika, and his mother and father. Losing him is such a painful loss for all of you.

Love, Elizabeth
Anne
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Postby Anne » Wed Apr 23, 2003 12:38 am

Cia,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

My deepest sympathies to you and your family,
Anne
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Paula
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Postby Paula » Wed Apr 23, 2003 1:22 am

Dear Cia

Words can't express. I am so sorry for your loss.

He will live in your hearts and souls forever.
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lizzytysh
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Postby lizzytysh » Wed Apr 23, 2003 2:56 am

Dear Cia ~

I know I've written to you twice already here. Your expression of your time with Mika has allowed us to get to know you, him, and the two of you, all at the same time. Your account is poignant, heartrending, and eloquent. It's nearly impossible to know what to say to someone who is where you are now, yet so important to say something, nonetheless.

I wish we could all surround you and lift you out of your pain. Knowing that he was a child who was nearly never expected to arrive to begin with, makes his loss seem even more cruel and unimaginable. You and your family have been flung from the heights of joy to the depths of grief. You were a blessing in his life as much as he was in yours. And again, I am so grateful that Tom has allowed this outlet for you to process even a fraction of the overwhelming grief you are feeling.

My heart is with you.

Love, Elizabeth
Cia
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Postby Cia » Wed Apr 23, 2003 3:52 pm

My daughter has been reading your poems Tom and all the good thoughts from all you dear people that have responded. She sends her thanks to you all and so do I. We are so grateful that you gave us this, it makes life worth living in spite of all the sadness.
Thank you dear friends.
hugs from Cia
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lizzytysh
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Postby lizzytysh » Wed Apr 23, 2003 9:36 pm

Dear Cia, Cia's daughter, and Cia's daughter's husband ~

We never know from whom or where comfort may come. Even the smallest featherings of it, and from virtual or total strangers, can offer it genuinely. I feel good that you, Cia's daughter, find merit in our expressions of heartfelt empathy and sympathy for you, your mother, and your husband. I cannot imagine the immensity of your loss. I can only try.

Love, Elizabeth
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tom.d.stiller
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Postby tom.d.stiller » Thu Apr 24, 2003 1:19 pm

Dear Cia and family,

what you are going through now is far beyond words, but words sometimes can help. The words of friends and strangers, when they express true empathy - your own words, when they approach the very center of your loss...
If my words have been helpful in that way, it creates a small spot of gladness in the middle of this world of grief. Your own words made us feel even deeper the immensity of your grief, and at the same time the unbelievable power of hope. (Thank you for sharing them.)

The essential things still are beyond words, and I can assure you that those who looked a this thread without ever posting to it in their hearts are with you as well, but simply couldn't find words to tell you so.

We don't know each other very well, if at all, from past encounters. So I didn't share the happy moments of the past we you. But - though it is still a time to weep - I, like many others, like we all, look forward to the times of joy and happiness to be shared with you in the future.

Nothing will ever be the same for you, that I know. But I'm sure you'll find, that it's still worth while.

Hugs from an unknown friend
Tom
MariannePettersson
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Postby MariannePettersson » Thu Apr 24, 2003 2:26 pm

Min kära Cia.det finns inga ord , som jag kan hitta för attt trösta er i er stora ,stora sorg. Jag kan inte föreställa mig hur det känns att mista ett litet så älskat barn. Jag tror att det finns ett liv som är bättre än detta och att Gud har en plats för alla, han säger låt barnen komma till mig för de hör Guds rike till.Vi är alla barn för honom.Men att mista det det finaste man har, en del av sig själv ljuset i denna mörka värld. Värmen från ett litet älskat barn,vad kan ge mer lycka........Jag är säker på att du är en underbar mamma för din dotter ,nu är du viktigare än någonsin . Hejda aldrig er sorg eller tårar.Nu måste ni alla vara stöttepelare för varandra. Ett litet älskat barn skänkte kärlek som alltid kommer att finnas i era hjärtan.....

Jag tänker på er
kramar från
Marianne

ps.Jag är mycket ledsen,mina tårar har runnit ........
Cia
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Location: Denmark

Re: elegy on a baby child's death

Postby Cia » Sat Sep 22, 2018 2:48 pm

Lots of time has passed, and I am now a grandmother to three lovely children - but Mika will never be forgotten. Nor will the Elegy from you, Tom - the kind hearty words to comfort me and mine when things were so out of my control.
This sadness will never go, but luckily, new happiness always grows. Thank you friends, thank you.
The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man almost nothing.
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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tom.d.stiller
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Re: elegy on a baby child's death

Postby tom.d.stiller » Sun Oct 28, 2018 5:42 am

I wasn't there to share the joy, and I wasn't really there to share the pain.

I just caught up with the hurt.

It seems that my inadequate words were able to help with the hard work mourning always is.

That's much more than I could ever have hoped for.

Re-reading the poem I find much that could be improved, but I'll let it stand as it was written all those years ago.

It came as a surprise to me that this elegy should be remembered after so many years.

But just imagine that Mika - that's the baby child's name - could be in love with you today...

because another child is dead
because another hope is gone
i weep


Yes, I weep again.
Cia
Posts: 254
Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2002 4:03 am
Location: Denmark

Re: elegy on a baby child's death

Postby Cia » Sun Oct 28, 2018 11:48 am

Dear Tom,

You surely were there to share the pain - and you are still here and remember how lost I was, and making Mika still a part of the world he once belonged.
I can not see anything in your Elegy that should be changed, it smoothed my sorrow, it gave me a feeling of not being alone, it made Mika 'someone' - someone that has lived, someone who was here for a reason.

We never know when a little gesture makes a huge impact on another persons life - we might even think; should I do this? I am glad you did, Tom. Now so many years later - we are still in contact, we still share a bit of life that is important to me. You were there, you still are here - and I am grateful. Thank you, Tom, thank you.
The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man almost nothing.
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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