For A Second I Forgot

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Jonnie Falafel
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For A Second I Forgot

Postby Jonnie Falafel » Sun Aug 04, 2013 7:02 pm

Sometimes I feel a poem doesn't quite hit the mark. I work it and re-work it and often just let it go - put it out there. In it's original form this was a poem that started off as two separate poems which I then merged. I had at least 20 stanzas to choose from and experimented with changing them around and cutting up couplets. This revision of For A Second I Forgot, I think gets to the core of those "moments of being" to borrow Virginia Woolf's term for those odd mental absences where something is realised and disappears. I might change it again because there was a good line "I'm doing well without me", which I've omitted from this.

I've dug out a couple of poems from 1987 and have begun the process on them. One Camera Shy, I'll put on here when it feels good enough to go, or it becomes like flogging a dead horse. For now, here's the revised poem. You can find the original on my http://www.crackleanddrag.blogspot.com poetry blog.


For A Second I Forgot #2


I counted my achievements
there were not too many,
on dismal mornings such as this
I cannot think of any.

The ticking of the clock,
the centre of my drama,
for a second i forgot
its arbitrary measure.

For a second I forgot,
in the expanding minute
my burden might be heavy
but there is nothing in it.

For a second it's accepted
with complete concession
the contingent and connected
empty of all mission

For a second there resigned
all urge and aspiration,
no weight or value was assigned
no number or ambition.

For a second i forgot
and there was no resitence
for a moment I was locked
within the flow of all existence
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lizzytysh
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Re: For A Second I Forgot

Postby lizzytysh » Sun Aug 04, 2013 7:42 pm

I didn't know you had a poetry blog, Jonnie!!!
Have you studied writing poetry?
Your poems are so carefully constructed and complex.

This one's very insightful in self-examination, and describing a potential paradigm shift. A humbling moment... and I love how you flow with the energies of all this is at the end.
"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."
~ Oscar Wilde
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Jonnie Falafel
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Re: For A Second I Forgot

Postby Jonnie Falafel » Sun Aug 04, 2013 7:54 pm

Thanks again for the comments Lizzy. I feel like I've been writing verse since infancy. About 26 years ago I did a writing course (just one semester) and what I really got out of that was a better understanding of how poetry works, but more than that I got an audience of critics that helped me refine things. Before that point I used to be over satisfied with things that were first drafts. Taking a leaf from Leonard's book (a huge source of inspiration for me), I've worked and worked to pare things down to an essence. To rely less on inspiration and to work at it more. Indeed, I often think the inspiration is the initial idea, after that the rest is perspiration. The other thing I do is to read them out loud to make sure the metre's right and works with the meaning. Were you thinking of "lightbulb" moment as we English folk say?
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Jonnie Falafel
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Re: For A Second I Forgot

Postby Jonnie Falafel » Sun Aug 04, 2013 7:55 pm

Oh Lizzy, I just read your revision of your post. Spooky... One draft contains the word "paradigm"!!!
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lizzytysh
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Re: For A Second I Forgot

Postby lizzytysh » Mon Aug 05, 2013 12:45 am

Right... that was my second [final] version, Jonnie.
"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."
~ Oscar Wilde
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lizzytysh
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Re: For A Second I Forgot

Postby lizzytysh » Mon Aug 05, 2013 12:48 am

Actually, I meant paradigm, but those shifts usually last. But a paradigm moment that gets swept up and away isn't out of the question, either. Though, lightbulb for sure!

I think you're absolutely right on the process that you use... I've not figured out just how poetry works!
You've put what you've learned and your approach to good use!
"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."
~ Oscar Wilde

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