death after life but not as expected

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death after life but not as expected

Post by Byron » Wed Jan 25, 2012 9:11 am

Lionel didn’t know his arse from his elbow. He didn’t have to. He was dead. Unfortunately nobody had told him yet and he was getting really annoyed with Owen.
At least Lionel’s hearing was working well. “How’s it going” he asked Owen.
“Don’t worry,” said Owen, “we can pretend this never happened. We’ll get well smashed tonight.”
“If one of us arrests,” said Lionel, “we'll ask for the wrong doctor and he can deliver the baby.”
“What bloody baby?” said Owen.
“The one with the pain who makes me happy,” said Lionel. “We knew it was a risk but neither of us wants to be here. I don’t know what to do and I’m the most important thing to me. I don’t know what’s real or not. Did we go paddling in freezing cold water?” asked Lionel.
“I’m hungry, I think,” said Owen, “but I can’t find my tongue.”
“Stop pissing about,” said Lionel “we’ll use the clamps to get it out.”
“You can stuff your sodding clamps, I need a whisky and a good rosary,” cried Owen, “I wouldn’t ask if I could understand, but I never could understand.”
“I feel so small,” said Lionel “and why are those people looking at us like that?”
“I think we’re in hospital,” said Owen “and everything has a purpose, even a lie.”
“Did we wash away all the snow that got in the way?” asked Lionel.
“It was too much for the two of us and the Palace set the guards on us anyway,” said Owen, “not to mention a pre-emptive strike by His angels.”
“We don’t need to shift the snow, we don’t feel cold, or warm, or anything,” said Lionel, “so what the hell is going on?”
“I think it’s time to take stock,” said Owen, “and not just what we can get our hands on.”
“Bloody fool,” said Lionel, “you couldn’t get your hands on anything.”
“Say’s who?” said Owen.
“Well, this lot, watching us, for a start,” said Lionel.
“I’m getting really pissed with this cold shoulder routine,” said Owen.
“You too?” said Lionel.
“Yeah, they’re getting right up my nose,” said Owen.
“No, you wanker,” said Lionel, “I meant my shoulder is really cold. So’s the rest of my arm come to that. It’s bloody queer.”
“Now you’ve got a queer side to you?” asked Owen, “You kept that fucking quiet.”
“If we aren’t keeping quiet,” said Lionel, “why are this load of tossers ignoring us?”
“They’re not,” said Owen, “they keep looking and poking and prodding, and that blonde, fat piece just took some bloody great tube out of my mouth. Where the hell did that come from?”
“The fat piece?” asked Lionel.
“No, dipstick, the friggin’ tube!” shouted Owen.
“What tube?” asked Lionel.
“That plastic, bendy thing she’s thrown on that table,” said Owen.
“Oh, I see, yeah, fucking odd,” said Lionel, “I can’t get me head round this, a room full of tossers and not one of them can be arsed to talk to us.”
“I reckon I had too much of Terry’s special,” said Owen, “he never gets decent stuff, and I always end up in shit street.”
“I never had any,” said Lionel.
“Yeah, but you’d been on the bevvy since dinner time,” said Owen.
“I only had a few because I wasn’t going to get bombed before tonight,” said Lionel.
“Well someone screwed us good and proper,” said Owen.
“Well I’m pissed off with all this,” said Lionel, “and I’m going to leg it out of here.”
“What, with that leg?” asked Owen.
“Oh shit, where did that come from?” asked Lionel, “who the fuck did that to me?”
“How the fuck should I know?” said Owen.
Lionel fell quiet and took a slow look around. Nobody was taking any notice of him and he didn’t know what to do first. He could jump off the trolley and just walk out, but three people were huddled together by the swing door, where someone had just walked out. As the door swung open he spotted an armed policewoman in the corridor.
“Fucking hell,” said Lionel.
“What?” asked Owen.
“There’s a policewoman outside with a fucking gun!” answered Lionel.
“Oh sure,” chuckled Owen.
“Honest,” said Lionel. “Lean over and have a look.”
So he did. “Fucking hell,” said Owen, “she ain’t bad looking either.”
“Anything in uniform,” said Lionel, “aren’t there enough nurses here for you?”
“Christ, I hadn’t noticed,” said Owen.
“Are you friggin blind?” asked Lionel.
“Sod off,” said Owen, “I just didn’t notice. What the hell’s going on?”
“I don’t like this,” said Lionel, “we’re blocked in and can’t get out.”
“Say nothing,” said Owen, “if you say nowt they can’t twist your words round.”
“I’m not stupid,” said Lionel.
“Yes you are,” said Angela.
“So you’re miss know it all?” said Owen.
“No,” said Angela, “I’m here to collect you.”
“Say’s you,” said Lionel, “I’m not going nowhere.”
“Yeah, sod off,” said Owen.
“If only,” said Angela .
“Eh!” said Owen, looking at her for the first time. “Where did she come from?” He’d been keeping a close eye on the others in the room and she wasn’t there a second ago. “Ah,” he thought, “she came in when the door swung open, but someone had walked out, not in.”
“If you’ve come to collect us,” said Owen, “were are you taking us?”
“I’m going nowhere,” said Lionel, “’til I’ve sussed out what’s what.”
“My name is Angela,” said the newcomer, “and you’ve got no say in the matter. It’s my job to come and collect you, and I’m not taking no for an answer. You’ve got no say in the matter. In fact, if you’d been taking any sort of notice, you’d have realised by now that you’ve had no say at all.”
“You’re bloody daft,” said Owen, “if we’ve got no say, then how do you propose to take us, cause I’m staying put ‘til I can make a run for it.”
“Us two can easy deck you and get out,” said Lionel.
“Perhaps one of you would care to explain how we can hold this conversation in a room full of people who aren’t taking a blind bit of notice of what we say?” asked Angela.
“They’re hospital staff not guards,” said Owen, “and we just get up and walk out and they can’t stop us.”
“Come on then,” said Angela, “sit up, jump down and walk out, now!”
“Not yet,” said Lionel, “there’s an armed copper outside. Do you think we’re stupid or what?”
“He’s right,” said Angela, “with an armed guard outside I’ll have to find a way to spirit you passed her. But oh, how silly I’ve been. Here’s me worrying about how to get you away and none of us are here anyway.”
“I’ve had enough of this,” said Lionel, “I’ve got half a leg and now some tart’s telling me to jump about and do a runner. What’s wrong with you people, can’t you see I’m in pain?”
“Bollocks!,” said Angela, “if you’re in pain, where does it hurt?”
“In me leg, soft girl. Are you blind as well as daft?” answered Lionel.
“Once more, soft lad,” said Angela, “where does it hurt?”
“Look at what’s left of me right leg,” shouted Lionel, “and tell me it don’t hurt!”
Angela looked long and hard at what was left of Lionel’s right leg. “It don’t hurt,” she said slowly, “and stop pissing me about, ‘cause I haven’t got all night. Shift yourselves, the pair of you.”
“This is a mad house,” said Owen, “not a normal hospital. Me brother’s lost half his leg, this lot are ignoring us and you turn up out the blue and start giving us orders. What the hell is going on?”
“I’ll tell you what’s going on,” said Lionel, “I’m having a friggin’ nightmare and you lot are really beginning to wind me up.”
“It’s no dream,” said Angela.
“Yes it is,” said Owen, “only it’s my dream, not his, ‘cause I can’t feel any pain and he’s blathering on like he’s propping up the bar at our local.”
Lionel looked from his brother Owen to his leg, to Angela and back again to Owen. He was starting to feel frightened. He wasn’t in control here and he wanted to fight his way out of this nightmare, like one’s he’d had in the past. “I know it’s a dream,” he said to himself, “so come on soft lad, wake yourself up. It’s another dream, so game over, wake up! Hang on, I know her.”
“Hang on, I know you,” said Lionel, “I’ve seen you before. Now you’re in me dream. What a bloody mess this is.”
“I know you know me,” said Angela.
“Wait a mo,” said Owen, “I know her from somewhere as well, and it’s my friggin’ dream, so butt out Lionel.”
The swing doors burst open and two women crashed in screaming their heads off.
“Oh shit,” said Owen, “that’s all I need.” As he looked across at Lionel, who now looked quite pale. Lionel was thinking the same thing, and he wondered how he knew what Owen was thinking. “It’s a dream, soft ollies,” he told himself, but Owen interrupted him and claimed owner’s rights to the dream. But not a word was said.
“Of course not,” thought Lionel, “it’s all part of me dream.”
“No it isn’t,” said Angela, and the brothers looked at her.
She was standing in front of the two screaming women, but the brothers could see right through her.
“I don’t like this at all,” thought Owen.
“You’re not the only one,” thought Lionel, as they both came to the same conclusion that they were hearing other people’s thoughts in their dream.
“Do something, why don’t you!” screamed the fatter one of the two women, as she grabbed the arm of one of the nurses.
“We can’t,” said the young nurse, shaking her arm free, “we’ve done all we could.”
“Owen!” cried the fatter one, now grabbing at Owen’s right arm, “what have you done now you stupid bastard?”
“I don’t know,” answered Owen, “I’m still trying to get out of this bloody dream.”
“What have you done,” she asked again, through her sobs, which were getting heavier and louder.
“I don’t bloody know Eileen, I just want to wake up,” said Owen.
“You have just woken up,” said Angela, “you’ve been in a state of gracelessness for some years, and right now things are about to change. Ignore these screaming women, you’re finished with them.”
“Like hell we are,” said Lionel.

to be or not to be, continued........
"Bipolar is a roller-coaster ride without a seat belt. One day you're flying with the fireworks; for the next month you're being scraped off the trolley" I said that.
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