Su rreal it hurts

This is for your own works!!!
Posts: 9
Joined: Sun Feb 08, 2004 8:55 pm

Su rreal it hurts

Postby 2Strictly_Confidential » Sat Feb 21, 2004 6:58 pm

when this surreal convention hits town
and they hang the delegates upside down
to adress an audience that left yesterday
then and only then will I whisper my truth
the minute after the town is evacuated
I will shout it from the roof
exposing myself to no-one
and boldly confronting nothing
would you like to hear my truth
dust and ashes
that's my proof
Last edited by 2Strictly_Confidential on Sat Feb 21, 2004 8:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Ben Kelly
Posts: 185
Joined: Sat Aug 23, 2003 1:50 pm
Location: London and Kent UK


Postby Ben Kelly » Sat Feb 21, 2004 7:37 pm

Dear SC

What a wonderfully visual and descriptive opening line it conjures up so many options and possibilities, but not a bit of nothing.

I like the poem.


Life rewards action, just as well done is better than well said. Yours the Galactic Pixie
Posts: 85
Joined: Tue Jul 23, 2002 9:06 pm
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

Postby babz » Sun Feb 22, 2004 10:24 pm

Yes, it grabs you from the start.

Nit. I'd like to see whisper & shout given more emphasis
but no idea how

Nit. Don't much like the direct address to the reader
Would you like to hear my truth

Very futuristic.

One's life has value so long as one attributes value to the life of others, by means of love, friendship, indignation, and compassion.
~Simone de Beauvoir

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