Missing Pieces

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LaurieAK
Posts: 1338
Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2002 2:00 am

Missing Pieces

Postby LaurieAK » Wed Feb 18, 2004 8:43 am

Mi ssi ng Piec e s

Finding places
That don't hurt
Is a chore lately…

While staggering around the edge
Above a pit of hungry spikes
I place you Ming-like on my heart
Conjuring your image,
Desperately hoping
To fill the fissures
Eroded in my soul
By missing so much.

It is never enough.
Nothing ever is.
Nothing ever will be.

The Loss,
Always, Forever bolts me
Back to a life-like hell,
Where staples of reason try to
hold my sensibilities together--
But the dam breaks Here,
when the fix is There and
I cannot control the flow
of icy pain poisoning my air.

Finding places
That don't hurt
Is a chore lately…

Low tides reveal a hazy oasis-
Acquiesced by my endless needs.
But these stagnant years of searing tears,
Your mirage cannot possibly heal…
Missing the peace I once spent freely,
From you, I will borrow what I cannot feel.
But….

It is never enough.
Nothing ever is.
Nothing ever will be.
Ben Kelly
Posts: 185
Joined: Sat Aug 23, 2003 1:50 pm
Location: London and Kent UK

Re: Missing Pieces

Postby Ben Kelly » Thu Feb 19, 2004 8:28 pm

Dear LaurieAk

I don't think the third line scans, please accept the suggestion

Finding places
That don't hurt
Like pure love
not just words


It is never enough.
Nothing ever is.
Nothing ever will be
Except pure love
Life rewards action, just as well done is better than well said. Yours the Galactic Pixie
Arno
Posts: 106
Joined: Fri Dec 05, 2003 7:16 pm
Location: Munich, Germany

Postby Arno » Thu Feb 19, 2004 8:46 pm

Dear Laurie,

I kinda prefer your original version to Ben's suggestion


I already read it yesterday but didnt come round to answer until now, sorry :oops:


I really love this one:

But the dam breaks Here,
when the fix is There and
I cannot control the flow
of icy pain poisoning my air.

All in all, I really like the poem.

Btw: this feeling is very familiar to me:

Finding places
That don't hurt
Is a chore lately

cheers Arno
LaurieAK
Posts: 1338
Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2002 2:00 am

Postby LaurieAK » Thu Feb 19, 2004 10:38 pm

Dear Ben~
I felt a bit of a bastard for sharing a poem with No redemption. I appreciate your solution for creating an 'out' of the dismal-ness of which it speaks. But i must remain true to the moment or the eternity this poem reflects...not just for the sake of art but for those out there who have felt there is no redemption, and never will be. Whether this is realistic or not.

Arno~ I guess i should start by saying i am sorry that you can relate well to this poem. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, eh?

"....But the dame breaks Here,...."

section of the poem you particularly liked is my favorite part because of something that happened not out of design but sheer luck(?) Somehow that section has a 'momentum,' a quickening pace that just seems to come naturally, but fits so well with the intensity of the situation being described. I don't know if this is anything to do with why you liked it, but it is for this reason it is my fave part.

Take care, Laurie
Arno
Posts: 106
Joined: Fri Dec 05, 2003 7:16 pm
Location: Munich, Germany

Postby Arno » Fri Feb 20, 2004 12:05 am

Dear Laurie

dont feel like a bastard... :wink:

Being in a comparable situation right now, I can say that exactly the fact that the poem has no near redemption in sight makes it accessable and comforting for the people who feel that way.
With a shiny happy ending it just (to be very negative) would mock guys like me who currently dont see the clear blue sky... I dont mean this as harsh as it may sound, it's just that this poem is somewhat comforting to me not because the poem gives hope of redemption or something, but just to see that one isnt the only guy on earth who's feeling low.

So thanks and I hope you already have left behind your problems...
if not, do what I do, and put on either Walk of Life (Dire straíts) or Shiny happy people (rem) and feel free :P

Cheers Arno
LaurieAK
Posts: 1338
Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2002 2:00 am

Postby LaurieAK » Fri Feb 20, 2004 12:55 am

Dear Arno~ Thank you for the song recommendations. Both very fitting and uplifting.
For a song to mirror those awful times, try Un Bel Di, from Madam Butterfly. Talk about a cry in your beer kinda song....

I do hope your stint with 'whatever' is short or in the least bearable. And really appreciate knowing that even one person can relate to what i wrote. There can be comfort in numbers. As for me i am fine. Just don't ask me to define, fine. Hehe. cheerio, Laurie
babz
Posts: 85
Joined: Tue Jul 23, 2002 9:06 pm
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

Postby babz » Fri Feb 20, 2004 1:40 am

Really impressive, Laurie.
I'm still absorbing.
But definitely feeling the wounds...
I 'felt' a couple of bumps when reading but can't quite say them yet.
Thank you so, so much for letting this be in the world.
A case where, it did some harm, (gigantic understatement)
did some good. (art)

Babz
One's life has value so long as one attributes value to the life of others, by means of love, friendship, indignation, and compassion.
~Simone de Beauvoir
LaurieAK
Posts: 1338
Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2002 2:00 am

Postby LaurieAK » Fri Feb 20, 2004 2:28 am

Thanks Babz~What you said and how you said it, means alot to me. regards, Laurie

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