Scar Tissue

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LaurieAK
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Scar Tissue

Postby LaurieAK » Wed Feb 04, 2004 7:33 pm

Wrote this shortly after a holocaust of another sort.
The first few lines are literal. I had to put the red pen down that i had used to write a poem on 9/11 itself.

Scar Tissue

Black Ink, now.
I switch from Red.
Too angry.
Too sentimental.
Too bloody, like
September 11,
Tuesday morning, 2001.
War.
I saw it Live on t.v.
Real people.
Really dying.
Our country stunned dumb
Damaged beyond what
any single, or a thousand bullets could do.
We are all scarred.
In time and with
strength of Spirit and Country
We can turn our wounds
into beautiful tattoos...maybe
Doves, emblems of peace
and love and freedom.
But the pain shall and should always remain.
Passing through that birthing chamber
of horror, this dreadful morning,
the lesson to humanity must
continue to touch us forevermore,
Lest we forget
the Before
and
the After.

(c) L. Eckhout
Last edited by LaurieAK on Mon Feb 09, 2004 8:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
babz
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Postby babz » Wed Feb 04, 2004 8:12 pm

I like this Laurie.
It has excellent sounds when read aloud
and a compelling rhythm.

Two thoughts come to mind:
It's a thirty line poem.
I would like a blank line after
Line 15.

I felt I needed a break at that point
to absorb the horror.

Line 25 'This' horror rather than 'the' horror
would please me.

You of course must please yourself.
A worthy offering.
The poet has almost disappeared in the work.
Highlighting what IS important.
LaurieAK
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Postby LaurieAK » Wed Feb 04, 2004 8:56 pm

Thanks babz for the truly helpful input. You are right, i think separating after line 15 is fitting with the shift of thought and for pausing purposes.

As for your "horror" comment. If i understand what you were referring to, it seems i struggled with "tenses" and can see where the problem lies (there IS one). A switch to "THAT dreadful" is obvious. The 'that' before "birthing" has to be changed, probably simply to "a". Again thanks, Regards, Laurie
babz
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Postby babz » Wed Feb 04, 2004 11:56 pm

Laurie, I am so brain-addled. Here I say something utterly absurd and you graciously ignore the fact. :oops: I should never depend on my memory... not even for two lines in a poem. Let's see if I can get it right this time:
But the pain shall and should always remain.
Passing through that birthing chamber
of horror, this dreadful morning,
the lesson to humanity must
continue to touch us forevermore,
Lest we forget
the Before
and
the After.
It was "the lesson" I wanted you to change to either "this" or "that" lesson, whichever resonated with you... thus making it as emphatic as "that" birthing chamber, "this" dreadful morning, which then sets off "the" Before and "the" After. Am I making any sense?

Sorry about that! :roll: [/quote]
LaurieAK
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Postby LaurieAK » Thu Feb 05, 2004 3:00 am

babz~ Well the mis-communication was a happy accident because i did/do have a "tense" problem. I switched from 'past' to 'present' when using "this" (dreadful morning). I have a thing about watching repeated words such as: this and that...AND i think it would cause too much specificity to the 'lesson' statement. Using THE leaves the inference up to the reader, otherwise it seems dictated by me (Does this make sense??!!). Anyways, like i said your input solved an unseen problem! Thanks much, L.
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lizzytysh
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Postby lizzytysh » Thu Feb 05, 2004 6:10 am

Laurie ~

Both your and Byron's poem titles are very impactful. His conjures the visuals in the moment. Yours conjures the lasting, gnarled tissue of a body's attempt to repair destruction, both physical and emotional, as well as mental as our country closes all the doors and locks out our rights. Yours reads so well as a poem regarding September 11, it's difficult to imagine the magnitude of its other application. Thank you so much for writing this deeply expressive piece. It's hard to find words for that day.

~ Elizabeth
LaurieAK
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Postby LaurieAK » Thu Feb 05, 2004 7:19 pm

Thanks Lizz for your comments. It was cathartic to write, but really only a baby step in the process of Not being in shock and horror of that day. The poem i wrote the day this happened is much angrier. This one helped me put in to perspective the hopelessness at the time. I'd had a trip long planned to Manhattan a couple of weeks after 9/11 and flew across the country to get there. And it just so happens i had arranged with a parlor to get my first (mid-life-crisis) tatoo down on Canal street. Life and art merged as i must have written this shortly after coming back. i know, too much information. cheers, L p.s. no my tat is not a dove.
babz
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The Better Choice

Postby babz » Thu Feb 05, 2004 7:19 pm

You're right Laurie.
I see the distinction you make.
Agree. :)

Babz
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lizzytysh
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Postby lizzytysh » Thu Feb 05, 2004 9:02 pm

Ahh, okay, Laurie, I understand now.

"Wrote this shortly after a holocaust of another sort" somehow came through to me [tired?] as 'a holocaust of another sort' being something in your personal life. That's how I couldn't imagine that it was written about anything other than the events of September 11. However, you meant that those very events are a 'holocaust' of another sort. Very true. It's an excellent poem, and captures my feelings so well.

Incredible timing with your trip. You realize, of course, Laurie, that curiousity has been spurred.....however, I shall not ask :wink: .

~ Lizzy
LaurieAK
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Postby LaurieAK » Thu Feb 05, 2004 9:43 pm

Lizzy~Ohhh! I had NO idea what you were referring to. Didn't occur to me that my opening line caused confusion. That explains it, thanks.

I'll put my other poem here. But want to say the "aggresiveness" i refer to is in no way related to the lying bastard war we have been drug into. It is pointed at the real culprits, not convenient ones.

It is peculiar, this is the only poem i have vivid memories of the physical appearance of it on the page. Yellow tablet, red pen, CNN playing in the background....


September 11, 2001

A silent scream
replaced the winds
Blowing across our country

Jagged, red, gaping
Horror.
Once. Twice. Our towers
invincible, Symbols of
our Greatest city,
Wounded, like us.
Strong, like us.
Twogether...gone,
they fall before we can comprehend.

OH, but we do not.
Parting the smoke, the flames,
the ash...Like winged-dragons
We rise above the mayhem,
the dead no less warriors
than we who survive
Armed with our anger,
Dangerous and Just,
And sniffing the air for your scent
We gather strength,
with each fiery breath,
from this day,
until Your stench
is History.


(c) L. Eckhout
Last edited by LaurieAK on Mon Feb 09, 2004 8:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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lizzytysh
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Postby lizzytysh » Thu Feb 05, 2004 10:12 pm

Re: the confusion, what added to it was another misunderstanding of your words....."I had to put the red pen down that I had used to write a poem on 9/11 itself" ~ You meant "....that I had used to write a poem on [the date of] 9/11 itself" and I read it "....that I had used to write a poem on [the events of] 9/11 itself." In reality, of course, you meant both. However, I took it to mean the latter, which had set the second poem you wrote apart from the first....which, for me, reenforced that this one was not regarding [the events of] 9/11 itself....and was a holocaust of a personal nature.

This poem is very profound and powerful, Laurie. Your concentrated anger has been very effectively channeled. The terms, phrases, and images you use ["twogether," "like winged-dragons," etc.] all the way through are both consistent to your theme, graphic, and appropriate. The "lying bastard war" is also a very appropriate phrase.

~ Elizabeth
Last edited by lizzytysh on Thu Feb 05, 2004 10:14 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Byron
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Postby Byron » Thu Feb 05, 2004 10:12 pm

"convenient culprits" and "usual suspects" are two sides of the same coinage. My government is reeling at the moment because their chickens are coming home to roost.
When Singapore fell to the Japanese, Winston Churchill admitted he had completely misjudged the situation and said, "I didn't know, I should have asked, I didn't ask."
No chance of Pres. Blur saying that.
A week might be a long time in politics, but his "45 minutes" will haunt him for a lifetime. Many Labour MPs are seething at the way they were duped and the verbal gymnastics being performed by TB and friends is sickening to watch. Robin Cook resigned to distance himself from what was being done in our name and he told the House that he asked about what the 45 minutes actually refered to months ago.
This will not go away and all the squirming in the world won't get TB off the hook. And to think I wept for joy when he was first elected as PM. "No more sleeze" we were told. It seems that whatever party you vote for you always get the government.
Rant over. Time for my tablets.
"Bipolar is a roller-coaster ride without a seat belt. One day you're flying with the fireworks; for the next month you're being scraped off the trolley" I said that.
LaurieAK
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Postby LaurieAK » Fri Feb 06, 2004 3:27 am

Lizzy~ AAAAAaaahhhkkk. Confusion. Prime example of ME knowing what the hell i was talking about but not conveying it well on paper (of a sorts). As for the poem itself, even though i wrote it, the images still invoke a chill when i read it and bring me back to that day. I don't read it often and i guess that is why i avoided "headlining" it here. That doesn't mean i consider it a "total drag." I like the gut reaction it has of revenge, sweet and simple. It is much braver than i really am.

Byron~ I am not a political animal. Seems to me TB is a victim of peer pressure. I blame geedub and his cronies for the war and the global fallout. Who knows what kinda karma this has dealt us....peace. L
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lizzytysh
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Postby lizzytysh » Fri Feb 06, 2004 2:34 pm

Well, we worked it out, anyway :lol: .....the bottom line is what counts :D . I was able to read it in the way that I should have understood it from the beginning. You were using the Holocaust as your jumping-off point when you introduced it. You were accurate in saying that this was a holocause of another sort. It's a very evocative and effective poem for what you wanted to say, which is what you felt.

I agree with your take on Tony Blair, the impetus for the war, and our resulting, ongoing and impending karma.

~ Lizzytysh
Hermitage
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Postby Hermitage » Fri Feb 06, 2004 4:49 pm

Peer pressure doesn't make sense to me. After all, TB is a very smart guy, and GWB is NOT! Why would TB feel pressured by someone with so much less ability and drive (to do well) than he?
It looks like GWB is putting John McCain in charge of the inquiry on what the US govt knew. Whether you like McCain's politics or not, he appears to have integrity and intelligence. Let's see what he comes up with.
Hermitage

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