Flower

This is for your own works!!!
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Manna
Posts: 1998
Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 6:51 am
Location: Where clouds go to die

Flower

Postby Manna » Tue Sep 08, 2009 5:00 am

Flower

Spirographic petals are most efficiently described
by a structured series of equations -
a chandelier of Xs and symbols replotted
on a matrix to return the predicted curls. Pollen
hangs from the erect integral: sperm
on the tip of a flower's penis craning from the origin
into Z axis. The stem pushes it all up
not quite parabolically from our fists.
Those petals weren't always made of plastic, were they?
They're concave, start large and get smaller near the center.
Without your help I calculate them into measuring spoons
based on a logarithmic decay. I'm sorry, but I did it wrong.
Now if the wind blows, pollen won't drift into a cloud,
but just drop like hair from a chemo patient.
iveta
Posts: 233
Joined: Wed May 27, 2009 1:33 am
Location: slovakia

Re: Flower

Postby iveta » Tue Sep 08, 2009 3:59 pm

Dear Manna,
I'm not sure if I absolutely get that, but it seems to be the extradiscreet report on love and death, sadly powerful in contradiction of the description and the described

“ Grief is an extended process of cognitive reorganization characterized by the occurrence of negatively valenced perturbant states caused by an attachment structure reacting to a death event.”
David Lodge, Thinks
/used in correspondence of fictitious cognitive scientist/

but there is an other side in that book, and David Lodge is deeply instructive about grief

iveta
Of course I´m pathetic, I´ve spent my life getting the most impressive stuff out of the most impressive books. Malcolm Bradbury
Alan Alda
Posts: 594
Joined: Wed Feb 02, 2005 10:44 pm
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Re: Flower

Postby Alan Alda » Tue Sep 08, 2009 6:27 pm

Your last line is killer.
I simply cannot see where there is to get to. Plath
Even despots have access to 'Welcome' mats. Me
Desperation is easily confused with enthusiasm. Me
Lion of Lions
Posts: 394
Joined: Sun Nov 25, 2007 8:49 pm

Re: Flower

Postby Lion of Lions » Tue Sep 08, 2009 10:32 pm

AA may have meant her comment as a death joke but regardless of that I didn't like Manna's last line.

"chemo" is such a casual abbreviation, it betrays the seriousness of the poem for the sake of contrived rhythm.


it's like saying


"from the edge of the pool
in bulging pairs of Speedos
the men checked out kiddies,
like a pair of paedos"
Alan Alda
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Joined: Wed Feb 02, 2005 10:44 pm
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Re: Flower

Postby Alan Alda » Tue Sep 08, 2009 10:48 pm

Actually there was no humour intended.

I meant killer as in: stunning, devastating, brilliant, poignant, turn-away-from-the-scene-of-the-accident sort of way. Killer.

I have to admit, yours is the best paedophile poem I've read today! ...and there've been some pretty good ones.....
I simply cannot see where there is to get to. Plath
Even despots have access to 'Welcome' mats. Me
Desperation is easily confused with enthusiasm. Me
Lion of Lions
Posts: 394
Joined: Sun Nov 25, 2007 8:49 pm

Re: Flower

Postby Lion of Lions » Tue Sep 08, 2009 11:22 pm

Alan Alda wrote:Actually there was no humour intended.

I meant killer as in: stunning, devastating, brilliant, poignant, turn-away-from-the-scene-of-the-accident sort of way. Killer.

I have to admit, yours is the best paedophile poem I've read today! ...and there've been some pretty good ones.....

the qualities you describe may be attributable to the imagery, but the line is disqualified because of the incongruous use of the abbreviation.

you may have a wonderful idea in a poem where the "reveal" is that one of the characters is a Pakistani but you would ruin it by ending with the use of the word "Paki" (an abusive term over here) , perhaps because it rhymed with "tacky".

Manna wasn't searching for a rhyme and for all I know the expression "chemo patient" is acceptable in other cultures. I think it takes away from the dignity and ordeal of a patient undergoing chemotherapy treatment. Its casualness takes away from the tone of the rest of the poem.
Alan Alda
Posts: 594
Joined: Wed Feb 02, 2005 10:44 pm
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Re: Flower

Postby Alan Alda » Tue Sep 08, 2009 11:44 pm

...well, after the heavy use of multi-syllabic, scientific-oriented words, the common slang term, chemo (and I don't think I've ever heard: chemo-therapy-patient, it's always reduced to the abbrev: chemo) works for me...it makes it something personal after all the jargon; like Bob for Robert/Mike for Michael.

So just admit you were mistaken and appreciate me setting you straight. I'll act modest, but then post on my blog that an infamous QC lost to a data entry clerk in Alaska in a simple dispute over a medical issue. The details don't need to be spelled out...The title will be: I WON!!!!!

humbly,
L
I simply cannot see where there is to get to. Plath
Even despots have access to 'Welcome' mats. Me
Desperation is easily confused with enthusiasm. Me
Lion of Lions
Posts: 394
Joined: Sun Nov 25, 2007 8:49 pm

Re: Flower

Postby Lion of Lions » Tue Sep 08, 2009 11:51 pm

Ha ha ha! I brought up my kids to learn that winning is for losers.

but if you force me to nominate a winner then, being wholly objective, it must be the writer, full of modesty and grace, who said "for all I know the expression "chemo patient" is acceptable in other cultures". what class!

Hooray for the Data Entry Cl (abbreviated to make it something personal).
Alan Alda
Posts: 594
Joined: Wed Feb 02, 2005 10:44 pm
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Re: Flower

Postby Alan Alda » Tue Sep 08, 2009 11:56 pm

sigh.
I can still do as I please on my blog...you're not my dad and can't tell me what to do!
stomp stomp stomp Door slam!
I simply cannot see where there is to get to. Plath
Even despots have access to 'Welcome' mats. Me
Desperation is easily confused with enthusiasm. Me
Alan Alda
Posts: 594
Joined: Wed Feb 02, 2005 10:44 pm
Contact:

Re: Flower

Postby Alan Alda » Tue Sep 08, 2009 11:58 pm

manna, dontcha love how any subject, no matter how serious can be turned into a poem about paedophiles, a contradiction of terms and adolescent angst? Yeah. Me too....
I simply cannot see where there is to get to. Plath
Even despots have access to 'Welcome' mats. Me
Desperation is easily confused with enthusiasm. Me
Lion of Lions
Posts: 394
Joined: Sun Nov 25, 2007 8:49 pm

Re: Flower

Postby Lion of Lions » Wed Sep 09, 2009 12:01 am

Alan Alda wrote:sigh.
I can still do as I please on my blog...you're not my dad and can't tell me what to do!
stomp stomp stomp Door slam!
you come right back here, my girl. IF YOU BANG THAT DOOR ONE MORE TIME, YOU ARE GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF THIS MONTH.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME ??
Alan Alda
Posts: 594
Joined: Wed Feb 02, 2005 10:44 pm
Contact:

Re: Flower

Postby Alan Alda » Wed Sep 09, 2009 12:05 am

I simply cannot see where there is to get to. Plath
Even despots have access to 'Welcome' mats. Me
Desperation is easily confused with enthusiasm. Me
Lion of Lions
Posts: 394
Joined: Sun Nov 25, 2007 8:49 pm

Re: Flower

Postby Lion of Lions » Wed Sep 09, 2009 12:46 am

Alan Alda wrote:http://poemetry.blogspot.com/

Bite me!
8)
it's outrageous, your blog is just full of good things and full of people who really like you. how absurd is that?
Lion of Lions
Posts: 394
Joined: Sun Nov 25, 2007 8:49 pm

Re: Flower

Postby Lion of Lions » Wed Sep 09, 2009 12:47 am

Twenty Thousands Leagues Under The Sea
hiding from Laurie's
poetry
Captain Nemo
having Chemo
Alan Alda
Posts: 594
Joined: Wed Feb 02, 2005 10:44 pm
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Re: Flower

Postby Alan Alda » Wed Sep 09, 2009 1:11 am

Lion of Lions wrote:
Alan Alda wrote:http://poemetry.blogspot.com/

Bite me!
8)
it's outrageous, your blog is just full of good things and full of people who really like you. how absurd is that?
My evil blog is at the cleaners.
I simply cannot see where there is to get to. Plath
Even despots have access to 'Welcome' mats. Me
Desperation is easily confused with enthusiasm. Me

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