.

This is for your own works!!!
anunitu
Posts: 225
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 2:08 pm

.

Postby anunitu » Sun Jan 18, 2009 2:15 am

.
Last edited by anunitu on Thu May 07, 2009 3:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Sideways
Posts: 802
Joined: Thu Feb 28, 2008 7:40 pm

Re: Dream upon the Mourning light

Postby Sideways » Sun Jan 18, 2009 2:47 am

crit. below
Last edited by Sideways on Sun Jan 18, 2009 2:53 am, edited 2 times in total.
yeah, well, errrrm, hum, yeah, ok, I dunno, articulation is not my fing, who cares, SHUT IT YOU MUPPET, blah blah blah
Sideways
Posts: 802
Joined: Thu Feb 28, 2008 7:40 pm

Re: Dream upon the Mourning light

Postby Sideways » Sun Jan 18, 2009 2:50 am

Dream upon the Mourning light

I awakened to the sound of a soul beyond the fringe

cliché

There was the scream of the report, the breaking of the hinge
That the door of safty was intended, to keep

5 years to correct the spelling of "safty"


The solid silver wailing, as the sky began to weep

In a memory locked tightly, behind the shadows of regreat

5 years to correct the spelling of "regreat". did you mean the popular kids cartoon "rugrats"?



Stands a spirit of consumption, asking only for respect
The tapping of the nails, as they sink much deeper in
The reading of the sentence, read by murders twin

"murders", are you meaning "murder's twin" or the well known double act "The Murder Twins"?

A woman in the distance, falls down in mortal sin
The whisper of the shadow, crawls upon her skin
The wind a dragon, on its mission comes rushing in
There is no secret, that may stay safely locked within


At the calling of the masters, all the eyes are cast away
From the beating of a heart, that breaks by slow decay
From a mountain clouded over, by the mist of Angels tears

do you mean "Angel Tears" or "Angel's tears" or "Angels' tears"?

Shines the light of the meaning, hidden by wasted years

On a parapit in the center, of the maze of lifes design

is "parapit" related to "parapet"?
do you mean "life's design"?


A solitary drummer plays the tattoo of deep decline

"how does the "tattoo of deep decline" go, is it "boom, boom, boom", or am I muddling it up with the "tattoo of shallow merriment"?


For the souls that have passed, upon this broken sanity
Casting all about the scene for mercy, blocked by vanity

it's a bugger to find a rhyme for "vanity" but did you think of "inanity"?

There is an alter where demons come to shead their skin

an "alter", do you mean like a correction?

"shead" is that related to "shed"?

And the victims of repression, seek the path that lies within
The sands are closing over, where the rivers used to run
The waters having fled the land, by the torture of the sun

I seek a shelter against the coming storm of mighty light
That prepends the rushing forth of the shadows of the night

"prepends", yummy do share what it means

Hold fast to sorrow, it hides a secret of the forgotten ages
Lost when the stars were young, and the dieing of the sages


I am curious, are you self-taught?

Sue
yeah, well, errrrm, hum, yeah, ok, I dunno, articulation is not my fing, who cares, SHUT IT YOU MUPPET, blah blah blah
mickey_one
Posts: 1533
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2004 3:11 pm
Location: Hello Lovely Flowers, Hello Lovely Trees

Re: Dream upon the Mourning light

Postby mickey_one » Mon Jan 19, 2009 4:54 pm

I see you have chosen not to make the corrections to your spelling. are you quite content to leave untouched "safty" and the other mistakes pointed out to you?
anunitu
Posts: 225
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 2:08 pm

Re: Dream upon the Mourning light

Postby anunitu » Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:01 pm

being that I really don't think I care what you think, I wonder why you continue to even read anything I write.

Anunitu
mickey_one
Posts: 1533
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2004 3:11 pm
Location: Hello Lovely Flowers, Hello Lovely Trees

Re: Dream upon the Mourning light

Postby mickey_one » Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:14 pm

anunitu wrote:being that I really don't think I care what you think, I wonder why you continue to even read anything I write.

Anunitu
your writing has the fascination of a car-crash to me.

your utter arrogance of not making changes when simple spelling mistakes are pointed out is fascinating as well.

your ignorance of etiquette by posting so many poems at once is fascinating as well as well.

your humour of adding a copyright symbol, to your "poems" is wonderful as well as well as well.

your defiant response here is wonderful as well as well as well as well.

I will tell you why it matters. there are a few good writers who no longer visit this place because of poor writers with poor attitude. I normally have to coax the goodies out by devoting my time and energy to setting up poetry comps.

that a writer is unoriginal, and hiw work is cliché ridden is not in itself a crime, but an accompanying arrogant attitude is an indictable offence. if English is not your first language then learn from your mistakes and accept correction with grace.

michael
User avatar
Geoffrey
Posts: 2550
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2006 12:11 am

Re: Dream upon the Mourning light

Postby Geoffrey » Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:54 pm

mickey_one wrote:
>there are a few good writers who no longer visit this place


you called?
mickey_one
Posts: 1533
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2004 3:11 pm
Location: Hello Lovely Flowers, Hello Lovely Trees

Re: Dream upon the Mourning light

Postby mickey_one » Mon Jan 19, 2009 6:06 pm

Geoffrey wrote:mickey_one wrote:
>there are a few good writers who no longer visit this place


you called?
and you answered!
User avatar
Geoffrey
Posts: 2550
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2006 12:11 am

Re: Dream upon the Mourning light

Postby Geoffrey » Mon Jan 19, 2009 6:57 pm

mickey_one wrote:
>and you answered!


i monitor your frustration, michael, and wholeheartedly agree with your sentiments concerning the literary standards in here - the rectum of jarkko's forum. do not be like the homo who plants seed where no fruit will grow, for who but a foolish man spitting at the moon can teach pigs at the trough about elbows on the table.
mickey_one
Posts: 1533
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2004 3:11 pm
Location: Hello Lovely Flowers, Hello Lovely Trees

Re: Dream upon the Mourning light

Postby mickey_one » Mon Jan 19, 2009 7:25 pm

Geoffrey wrote:mickey_one wrote:
>and you answered!


i monitor your frustration, michael, and wholeheartedly agree with your sentiments concerning the literary standards in here - the rectum of jarkko's forum. do not be like the homo who plants seed where no fruit will grow, for who but a foolish man spitting at the moon can teach pigs at the trough about elbows on the table.
but is it not our duty to rectumfy the mistakes and disgraceful manners of the ignorant pigs?

btw my gardener is gay and he has so far only planted his seeds in fruitful places in the Lord Mickey of One Memorial Gardens. So I have a plum tree for my dad and a cherry tree for my mum.
User avatar
Manna
Posts: 1998
Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 6:51 am
Location: Where clouds go to die

Re: Dream upon the Mourning light

Postby Manna » Mon Jan 19, 2009 7:44 pm

lovely lovely lovely.
What a fascinating thread.
I hereby fulfill my duty as rubber-necker.
mickey_one
Posts: 1533
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2004 3:11 pm
Location: Hello Lovely Flowers, Hello Lovely Trees

Re: Dream upon the Mourning light

Postby mickey_one » Mon Jan 19, 2009 7:48 pm

Manna wrote:lovely lovely lovely.
What a fascinating thread.
I hereby fulfill my duty as rubber-necker.
It "stimulated" the welcome return of Geoffrey and, who knows, it may even awaken Laurie. She can be a harsh critic, unlike my gentle approach, but she is a much-missed talented writer here.
User avatar
Manna
Posts: 1998
Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 6:51 am
Location: Where clouds go to die

Re: Dream upon the Mourning light

Postby Manna » Mon Jan 19, 2009 7:56 pm

Laurie has been hanging out a bit on Anjani's forum, where she's exuded enough sweetness to make me wonder if she's succumbed to some kind of conditioning or body snatchers or weed.

But I agree, she is much-missed here.
Virginia
Posts: 69
Joined: Mon Sep 08, 2008 10:09 pm

Re: Dream upon the Mourning light

Postby Virginia » Mon Jan 19, 2009 10:19 pm

Mickey one are you also Sideways or do such great minds simply think alike?

Seriously, it's wonderful that you put such energy into keeping the poetry forum going, we owe you a debt.

"I normally have to coax the goodies out by devoting my time and energy to setting up poetry comps."
And you accuse anunitu of arrogance! Pot and kettle come to mind.

"your ignorance of etiquette by posting so many poems at once is fascinating as well as well."
This from someone who believes his every pscho-rectal utterance deserves the adoration of his coterie of luvvies......

You really are funny Mickey.
Shit, (apologies, must be auto-suggestion having read your postsssssssssszzzzzzzzz) - you even sign your messages lest we miss the authorial source of such stultifying wit.

Michael, darling, your every utterance is a new Lord (Mickey')s prayer.
Forgive us our treespaces.

Manna, sweetie, of course you agree - you always agree ;-)
mickey_one
Posts: 1533
Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2004 3:11 pm
Location: Hello Lovely Flowers, Hello Lovely Trees

Re: Dream upon the Mourning light

Postby mickey_one » Mon Jan 19, 2009 10:52 pm

Virginia wrote:Mickey one are you also Sideways or do such great minds simply think alike?

Seriously, it's wonderful that you put such energy into keeping the poetry forum going, we owe you a debt.

"I normally have to coax the goodies out by devoting my time and energy to setting up poetry comps."
And you accuse anunitu of arrogance! Pot and kettle come to mind.

"your ignorance of etiquette by posting so many poems at once is fascinating as well as well."
This from someone who believes his every pscho-rectal utterance deserves the adoration of his coterie of luvvies......

You really are funny Mickey.
Shit, (apologies, must be auto-suggestion having read your postsssssssssszzzzzzzzz) - you even sign your messages lest we miss the authorial source of such stultifying wit.

Michael, darling, your every utterance is a new Lord (Mickey')s prayer.
Forgive us our treespaces.

Manna, sweetie, of course you agree - you always agree ;-)

of course I'm sideways.

running comps. isn't a sign of arrogance but a flicker that we haven't give up that people may wish to improve their poetry not just swamp us with their back-catalogue. ask Laurie and others who have run them with me. they really do take time and effort. but they show this forum at its best. trolls like you, with nothing constructive to say, disappear during the period they run and we all have a good time.

sadly I am told that the "egoless" poetry site is no longer around. there you posted without your identity and you had to simply thank critics for their response and not get all sulky.

if you applaud writers who can't be bothered to check their work and then choose not to make corrections, it hardly surprises me from what I have seen of your posts so far, Virginia.

Manna , do you agree with me that Virginia is a charming lady, full of compassion and a goodness that just makes you want to cuddle her all the time, and squeeze her tight, really tight, really really tight?


Lord King Emperor Mickey of One
your friendly local everydeity

Return to “Writing, Music and Art by the Forum members”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests