2 million people signed the road pricing petition - and the government still ignores them however I'll be happy to get 500! Other luminaries with petitions for knighthoods include humphrey lyttleton and pete townsend! No doubt that 'my' petition was started by a Mrs. Trellis, of North Wales? Humph

I could be Colin Searle and have a tinkle on me piano?

Ooops, I can't play the piano.

That's alright, neither can Colin.

More importantly, who will be providing the giant laser display board?