Hi Geoffrey ~
I really like your honesty regarding your reasons behind your reaction. I know I'm preaching to the choir, but I feel that one's own experiences, relative to any piece of writing, film, music, or whatever, will always have an effect, beyond the piece itself. I appreciate it that you were so forthcoming.
As you know [well, I've recently stated it in other terms, elsewhere here], I'm not a poet and haven't studied poetry, and really know validly little about poetry... so a person isn't going to get a critique from me on its merits as a poem. It would be a hit-and-miss thing if I tried and lucked out with a comment or two. However, I sure do know what affects me as 'good' in one way or another. I just don't offer 'critiques' unless a person specifically asks. Even then, you're going to see more back peddling about why I can't and shouldn't do it than 'critiqueing'.
It's true that posting it means that it's up there and can be criticized and people need to remember that and, at a certain level, remain open to it. I
personally steer away from it because I've not seen where this section has that implicit expectation, such as an online class would be. I've experienced it as a place for people to share their personal expressions [truly personal or broad-scaled] in 'poetry'/'poetic' form. It's why I loved the quoting of that verse 'attributed' to be the first, or amongst the first, of a world-class poet... that's that [prodigies aside] we all have a starting point and, in poetry, the requirement is much greater than constructing a simple sentence.
With someone such as Andrew, who does function as a poet, it
is reasonable to expect that someone will critique whatever he posts. I remember in the beginning, when he was doing that with others' poems. I also remember, from that time, that there was open discussion of 'to critique or not to critique,' and people making their own comments as to their own preferences in that.
I took my own vows of marriage very seriously, and unfortunately there seems to be a bit of a carry-over effect of them

that's impeded me. My own world has very much to do with fidelity. Still, divorces are all around and so is infidelity. As infidel and inappropriate as that may be to one's marital vows... for the most part made before someone's concept of a deity... the thought of molestation of a child is, for me, worse. For one thing, the first scenario has to do with consenting adults; the latter is a power-and-control issue over an innocent child, who is powerless in the realm of 'control,' and wisdom in decision-making, in the areas of self-determination and understanding of long-term consequences [in a way that has a lifelong, and generally traumatic, impact on them and the way they relate to themselves and to the world] for the sake of the manipulator/perpetrator dealing with/trying to alleviate one's own, subconscious or conscious issues. However, the violation is absorbed by that child at the very deepest level, in the very fiber of their being.
From my perspective, a child involved in a divorce or knowledge of infidelity is a witness to the violation of an oath and societal/personal values, and they may internalize some of this, as somehow being their fault; an adult experiencing this suffers the loss on many levels ~ beginning with loss of hopes and dreams, trust, faith in their partner and the other sex, and the list goes on... actually, for both child and adult. They may or may not be able to deflect the experience, with varying degree.
With molestation, the child isn't witnessing it, but directly experiencing the deepest violation, that of themselves and at an age when they haven't fully comprehended what is 'them' and what is 'the world' and they're incurring a violation at the most intimate, life-altering level. I can't say that it's never occurred, as with some it may have, but I'd have to say it's rare... that an adult or child have experienced dissociative disorder and/or developed multiple personality disorder, due to the extremely psychically damaging nature of molestation. The psyche having to dissociate and remove the child's consciousness of what's occurring, simple to be able to endure and survive, its being a survival technique. Still, suicide later can occur. Some suicides may occur as the result of infidelity or divorce, but the rate will always be higher with molestation. My concept ~ all of that.
Interestingly or ironically, or not, I've always taken Andrew's poem to be related to a couple, once married, who still had a deep love for each other that they'd never really resolved, even though their relationship had broken up, and for the most part, they'd gone on... perhaps, in this interpretation of mine, I was projecting my own, potential feelings about such a scenario, based on
my own experience, and could relate to the
feelings [aside from any morality issues] behind that described eventuality.
Whether or not the poem's content would ever become real, the difference is embedded in what one thinks/feels and what one acts upon. With attraction, the physiological response occurs without conscious thought of it or warning ~ erection for the man; the warm clutching in the woman's abdomen ~ they both serve a natural purpose. What matters more is where one draws the boundaries of acting upon them. You're either attracted or you're not. You're either turned on or you're not. Every physical or emotional feeling ["feelings come and go . . . " ~ L.C.] can't and oughtn't be acted upon. In some cases, only extreme focus akin to Clockwork Orange and Beethoven, can alter those responses. What can be helped is the decision to act or not act, though compulsion certainly enters in, too and must be directly addressed for behaviour [if not feeling] to change. If I, personally, were with someone else, I wouldn't have a dalliance, however deep and caring at its root, with my former husband, or really even thoughts in that direction, as I would be duly occupied; however, would I daydream on the possibility if he were with someone else? Yes. Would I ever follow through on those daydreams? No. It is said by 'they' that fantasy is healthy, even in a happy marriage. Fantasy in the mind, fantasy on paper. In my opinion, deep love is never lost. For me, this poem was one concerning a couple where deep love once flourished and a desire remains.
All of those thoughts regarding thought vs. action, I believe, could be applied to the scenarios described by Leonard in his book. I really don't know how many men 'lust' after young girls... it was interesting to me that the age was 13 [officially a teen and budding woman, not quite a woman, not quite a child ~ in other, more primitive societies giving birth to children as an order of the day, as the menstrual cycle has already begun], not 8 or some such, the child who is still clearly a child. However, that is not our society and the approval is ingrained and understood... when the child is 'taken' or manipulated into submission vs. 'given,' the outcome is different emotionally for that child... whether it's in the U.S. or a rape in Iraq or Darfur or anywhere else.
As poems go, I've seen more critiqueing that related to the construction of the poem itself, in light of the poetry process, than to the premise and moral responsibility of the poem. When I consider the content of Andrew's poem vs. the content of the truly young girls represented in Leonard's "Beautiful Losers," for me the latter is more egregious as 'commentary' regarding right/wrong activities in our society. I
hasten to add that, yes, marital infidelity
also affects children and partners in a permanent way, though I have to believe, for the most part not as traumatically as to a child who has been molested. Am I drawing straws? I would sum up what I see as the 'difference' as infidelity has an impact, however traumatic, on the
'person' of the partner and the children [if they come to learn of it ~ absent divorce] and the way they view relationships and the world... and, molestation, without any outcomes of discovery ["my dad did this to my mother"], or subsequent impacts such as divorce, molestation in and of itself
is the impact that affects the
development of the person, as an individual, and everything in the way they view themselves, and the world and their role in it.
At some point, it seems the crux ought to be on a broader scale, that of asking what
is the responsibility or
lack of responsibility of literature. Our own experiences also affect our perceptions of right/wrong. Along with my relating to Andrew's poem as a 'potential' of feeling, with your being a man, who was once a teenager, it may be that Leonard's line trigger strong hormonal memories from that time and looking at girls in that way... so the act of looking, seeing [glimpses or better views], and getting turned on in a teenage boy way doesn't necessarily equate at all as molestation to you as the reader... but, rather, erotic memories from your own childhood. I am a woman, so don't have such memories. I was a young girl, but have no recollections of any looking at me that way. That's not to say that they didn't, but that I wasn't aware of it, if they did. Now, as an adult [particularly a wounded one, in some fashion], your perspective of the poem is viewed through a hurting-adult's lens. Now, as an adult, I view the young-girl segment from a social-work and psychological perspective, as I can't relate to it as having been a young boy, and certainly not as a grown man, either. Divorce and infidelity are painful, but somehow people are
generally able to go on with their lives. With molestation, the scenario and outcomes are quite different.
Still, I took and still take it to be something coming out of Leonard's imagination, as Andrew's was, wherein he's exploring what he knows to be true about marketing young girls into clothing that portrays them visually as women rather than the young girls that they are... and all the attendant fantasies men have surrounding that. Both do an excellent job in 'universality' in the sense of representing realities in this world... though, I would hope that child molesting is not ranked in frequency with infidelity. The woman who just very publicly took her politician husband to task for comments made shows that she is considering the long-term effects to herself and her children that his
suggestion of infidelity has... and the world has a long list of people who have not honoured their vows. Nothing makes either of them right. If 'good' poetry is
not supposed to be personal, but to have a universal theme, though, Shakespeare certainly included it in many ways in his work... and so has Andrew; and so did Leonard with the theme of young girls, with an area of morality that definitely and unfortunately
does get abused. I don't take any of their work as an advocacy of it, but as certainly giving the reader a mind's-eye view of it, from the perspective of the committer.
[All this ~ somehow ~ reminds me of a comment a really good man, and friend from years ago, made to me about why he loves to see
women in high heels... that the angling of their foot and ankle makes their calves more appealing with a slenderizing effect, and puts their derriere in more of a raised position, which creates fantasies for him ~ at first my reaction was

... and then

and then

, as I considered each of those facets and understood what he meant.] Back to Leonard and Andrew... as with Andrew, he certainly had the right to write his own book, as he saw fit at that time... and incurred a lot of flack and scathing comments from the literary-and-otherwise community when it was first published. Now, it's officially been deemed a great book, by many occupying those same circles... names and faces may or may not have changed since then.
For me, I'd rather learn about the people themselves through what they've written and placed
here, and be pleased with the images that come to me, or the feelings I get from their rhythms of expression, and leave the critiqueing to someone else, those who know what they're doing... and if the person is up for that. I still miss the haiku-style poems of Greta and Suzanne [I believe that's her name, I'd need to check to be sure] here. If a person welcomes critiqueing, for its own sake and their quest to learn the skill of poetry, I'm wholly for it... I'm just not the one to do it

. Anything I might say about a poem should always be understood in the context of not being based on, or considered to be, a poetry skills assessment. It's simply how reading it causes me to feel... in that, I guess we've come full circle, as its content and its premise do become relevant at that point

... I just work toward being non-judgemental with it.
Anyway, I sure was pleased to see your own, personal framing of your comments. Not pleased that you experienced it in your own life, but pleased that you were willing to share it, as part of your explanation for your own reactions and responses.
Thanks.
~ Lizzy